I used to be able to have an orgasm on command and now that I am with my new partner who I have an intense spiritual connection with I cannot have an orgasm.  I feel like I am having multiple little orgasms all of the time when I touch him and when he touches me; It feels like I am having a whole body orgasm. I feel it throughout my whole body and it is continuous.  However, because I am tingly and numb throughout my whole body all of the time including in the genital area, I can’t seem to ejaculate.  My partner feels like my twin and I have never felt this way towards anyone; we can’t get enough of each other, we can’t get close enough and it is like we do not feel right without touching each other.  We could spend hours just touching each other and enjoying each other.  Neither of us have experienced this before.  What I am wondering is if it is possible to have a whole body orgasm and experience ejaculation because I kind of miss the ejaculation?

ANSWER

How wonderful for you, it sounds as though you’ve found an amazing partner.

Your description is very much of full body orgasm that stems from high sexual energy charge — extremely pleasurable but different from the intensity of a genitally focused sexual tension release orgasm (which may or may not be accompanied by ejaculation).

You can have full body orgasm and still ejaculate, because ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing (this is true for men too). They often happen very closely together, but you can separate them.

A brief instruction on how to ejaculate:

1. Make sure you are very hydrated (drink lots of water before lovemaking)

2. Make sure you are very aroused

3. Stimulate the g-spot – with fingers, dildo, penis

3. Tilt your pelvis forward, push down with your vaginal muscles and your stomach muscles.

That’s it. Good luck, Pala

PS We’re producing a video on female ejaculation and how to do it – It will be ready in early November. So, in November check our www.tantra-sex.com website for details on how get a copy.

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Mind the ‘orgasm gap’
by Francine Kopun, Article Source: www.thestar.com

U.S. sex survey reveals tepid teens, eager seniors, and raises questions about ‘faking’

A large sex survey of Americans has found that most women don’t reach orgasm when they have sex, even if their partners think they do.

About 85 per cent of the men in the survey of 5,865 people between the ages of 14 and 94 said their partner had an orgasm during their most recent sexual encounter. Only 64 per cent of women reported reaching orgasm.

“It’s unclear what that orgasm gap is, whether that many women are faking — are pretending to have an orgasm — or not,” says Debby Herbenick, associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, and one of the authors of the report. “I think both sexes really need to better communicate about sex.”

The study also found that fewer teenagers are having sex than one might think, and that people in their 80s are engaging in a variety of sexual activities, including masturbation.

Among the 50 women over 80 in the study, 100 per cent reported having masturbated with a partner within the past year, according to Herbenick. Some of the women were married, some were widowed, some had romantic partners or “friends with benefits.”

“It showed that for some people sexual activity can occur throughout life, and there’s not a pure stopping point, just like there’s not a pure starting point,” said Herbenick.

She pointed out that it’s important to be careful about data with the small numbers of people over 80 in the statistical survey.

“It’s like seeing on TV an 80-year-old who finishing their first marathon. That’s great for that 80-year-old, but does that mean that every 80-year-old should take up running? I think the same is true for sex. For so many people, stopping or slowing down sexually is actually a nice part of aging for them,” said Herbenick.

Among the study’s other findings:

• About 40 per cent of women aged 20 to 49 and of men aged 25 to 59 have had anal sex.
• More than 80 per cent of women and 85 per cent of men had received oral sex, but in the past year, more than half of women and men aged 18 to 49 engaged in oral sex.
• Women over 50 were more likely to reach orgasm when having sex with a new acquaintance.
• Although uncommon among 14- to 15-year-olds, in the past year 18.3 per cent of 16- to 17-year-old males and 22.4 per cent of 16- to 17-year-old females performed oral sex with an other-sex partner.
• Partnered sexual behaviour was reported by fewer than 50 per cent of adolescent participants even at age 17. For example, 40 per cent of 17-year-old males reported intercourse in the past year, but only 27 per cent reported intercourse in the past 90 days, indicating they have had sex, but aren’t having it on a regular basis.

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How much should I worry about getting in shape for my wedding night? He and I are both virgins. I’m not worried about my weight (I’m very thin), but I wonder how much endurance I’ll need.

ANSWER

If you are reasonably fit now I wouldn’t worry too much about getting in better shape physically for your wedding night. Your excitement and desire will carry you through quite well There are other things you can do to prepare for a great night together. Here are a few suggestions:

1.  PC PUMPING

What you can start doing on a physical level, if you aren’t already doing these exercises, are PC Pumps (also known as Kegels). These are exercises that tone, strengthen and sensitize your genital muscles, so that your yoni (the Tantric term for vagina) is very receptive to lovemaking.

Here’s a basic overview:

The PC Pump

The pelvic floor muscles surround the anus, genitals, and urethra and provide support for the reproductive organs.

The PC or pubococcygeous muscle (pronounced pew-bo-cox-e-g-us) is part of this muscle group. At first when you are practicing the PC Pump you may involuntarily contract the abdominal muscles and the anus, too, because you are unable to differentiate between the muscles. But with practice you can detect and isolate the PC muscle while allowing other muscles to stay relaxed. You will be able to isolate and move the many different muscles within your entire genital area. Keeping all the muscles surrounding your internal organs toned and tight helps prevent fallen organs. It helps relax you. Practicing it while making love it will greatly heighten sensation for both you and your partner.

Pulsing:

1. Inhale, contracting the PC muscle, keeping the rest of your body relaxed, especially your shoulders.
2. As you hold your breath, relax and then tighten the PC muscle in quick, short pulsations.
3. Exhale and relax the PC muscle.

Repeat for several minutes using your natural rhythm of breathing, so that you get a feeling that your muscles are fluttering. Do this 25-30 times a day and work up to 200 per day.

Pumping:

1. Tighten the PC muscle as you inhale and hold for the count of six seconds.
2. Exhale, relax the PC muscle and gently bear down.
3. Repeat this sequence for several minutes.

The Elevator:

This exercise includes more of the muscles in the whole muscle group.

1. While sitting or lying on your back, take a deep breath and pretend you are riding an elevator.
2. Start in at the bottom floor with an anal contraction, move forward along the muscles, tightening up individual muscles until you reach the “top” floor.
3. Then gradually relax the muscles, “floor by floor”, until you return to the bottom floor.
4. Repeat this trip 6 times, 3 times a day.

As with any exercise we need to develop a regular habit of giving our PC muscles a work-out. So to begin with, consciously set aside a time of day to do these: in the morning as you shower, on the bus as you travel to school or work, as part of your regular exercise routine (if you have one). Soon it will be something you’ll automatically begin to do anytime. You can do these anywhere and no one can tell!

2.  EMOTIONAL PREPARATION

One of the most important aspects of a satisfying sexual life is the willingness to be emotionally vulnerable and transparent with your partner. Hold nothing back, allow yourself to let go completely into your sexual desire and your love for your new husband.

Revel in your freedom to explore each other fully in all ways. Do not allow any feelings of shame or guilt around sex to hold you back from thoroughly diving in to this ecstatic connection.

Relax and explore each other together. You have years ahead of you, you don’t have to “get it right” this first time. Whatever you do, if you do it with absolute love will be the right thing.

3.  PREPARATION FOR PENETRATION

Because you are still a virgin, if you haven’t had much penetration with fingers for instance, your vagina could be fairly tight. Depending on the size of your husband’s penis, this might influence the ease of penetration for intercourse.

To make sure that intercourse is pleasurable for you this first time, it’s really, really, really important that you are ready for penetration. That means you engage in lots of foreplay — kissing (not just on the mouth, but all over each other’s bodies), caressing (long, slow tender strokes over your arms, legs, back, belly, buttocks, breasts, etc.), plus slow, soft, extremely gentle awakening of your yoni and stimulation of your clitoris (either manually or with oral sex or both) BEFORE he goes inside you with his penis. If you are very wet and absolutely aching for him to get inside you, you can bet your experience will be a whole lot better than if he tries to penetrate before you’re ready.

You may want to get our ebook “Awakening Women’s Orgasm” It has lots of great tips for both you and your husband-to-be.

Congratulations on your wedding and best wishes to both of you for a long and sexually satisfying marriage.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

ANSWER

You are absolutely perfectly normal. And hey isn’t it wonderful that you are able to have orgasms?

First off, ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing, for women or for men. We equate them in our minds because they often happen very closely together–almost always for men unless they have learned ejaculation mastery, and sometimes for women.

Just as orgasm is something you as a woman learn to do, so is ejaculation. Here are some tips:

A woman’s ejaculate (a very clear, watery fluid) is manufactured in the para-urethral glands on the upper wall of the vagina, in the area we think of as the g-spot. In order for this fluid to develop make sure you drink lots of water, especially before you’re going to make love. Also you need to be very, very aroused, so that the tissues swell and the fluid develops. When you are very aroused, and the fluid is developing, you may have a feeling like you are going to pee, but don’t worry you won’t. Relax. To assist an ejaculation, push down with your abdominal muscles and with the walls of your vagina. You need to get strong vaginal muscles by doing exercises (you may know them as kegels).  Also to help expel the ejaculate, tip your pelvis forward as you bear down. You may try stimulating your clitoris, anus, and the walls of your vagina as you push.

We are in the midst of producing a home study video on Female Ejaculation, it will be ready by the summer, check our www.tantra-sex.com site for news. Until then, you can get lots of great pointers about orgasm from our ebook Awakening Women’s Orgasm. Also there’s a great ebook for men, telling them how to separate orgasm from ejaculation so that they too can become multi-orgasmic. It’s at www.tantra-sex.com

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