“Loving Body Discovery ” Part 2

In the “loving body discovery” exercise, we usually suggest that you do NOT proceed on to intercourse and orgasm. In this way, you can experience what it is like to make love without trying to get anywhere, without having the possibly frustrating experience of wanting an orgasm but not getting one. Ironically, when they remove orgasm as a goal, many lovers report having lots more orgasms. Here surrender and letting go are much more useful—control does not help at all. Remember, control is the enemy of ecstasy.

A common complaint we hear from women, is that their male lovers go almost immediately for the hot spots—breasts and genitals. We refer to this as the bulls-eye syndrome. The loving body discovery is an excellent antidote to the bulls-eye syndrome because you don’t approach the breasts and genitals until well into the exercise.

Ladies, bear in mind that men are animals—they can be trained easily! Remember Pavlov’s dogs? The dogs learned to salivate at the sound of the bell once they associated the bell with food as a conditioned response. Men go quickly for the genitals because they get a great big response there. If you want your man to stay at another spot on your beautiful body for a long time and to go to that spot early in your lovemaking, give him a big response when he is there. For example, move your body and make appreciative sounds when he is nibbling on your neck, whispering in your ears, or sucking your lovely toes.

When finally you do reach the hot spots, remember that you are exploring with all of your senses. You are not trying to arouse your partner sexually (although this may well happen). You are not building with the idea of going on to intercourse. You are not trying to make your lover come. You are not trying to get to orgasm. The loving body discovery mercifully lets both of you off the “performance hook”.

Loving Body Discovery – “Eating Out”

You may introduce some playfully creative variations into your loving body discovery. Dress your lover up like an ice-cream sundae and dive in for an erotic snack. This gives a whole new meaning to “eating out”. Dessert was never so good.

Excerpted from Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions eBook.

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

Al Link and Pala Copeland

NEXT POST: Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions – “Massage”

Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions-More Exotic Practices

“Loving Body Discovery Part 1″

One of the exercises from our Tantra weekend for couples is the “loving body discovery”. In this exercise lovers take turns exploring each other’s bodies, from head to toe and everywhere in-between. When you are exploring, you start from the outside (hands, feet, ears, etc.) and work your way in toward the hot spots (breasts and genitals), always moving very, very slowly. When you think you are going slow enough, go even slower than that!

The loving body discovery is not a massage, nor is it an attempt to build sexual excitement. Rather, the idea is to explore “as if for the very first time” touching, smelling, and tasting your lover, inch by lovely inch. Of course, your lover may become aroused during your exploration, but that is not your objective.

The loving body exploration can easily last several hours and is something to do many times, not just once. Afterwards, share what new and delightful things you discovered about each other during the exercise, for example—marks, lines, textures, scents, sensitivities, your pleasure, your appreciation, etc.

One problem that couples report to us in our Tantra workshops is performance anxiety. People quite understandably want to be great lovers. They want to make something wonderful happen for their partner. Goal orientation may creep in and take over, becoming a focus on getting to orgasm. This can rob you of the delights, pleasures and beauty of each touch, each breath, or each glance of the eye. In Tantric sacred loving there is no goal, but there is a purpose—union between the lovers. The loving body discovery is a most excellent exercise to help discover the joys of loving without having to get to orgasm, to be free of the requirement to perform in a certain way. On the contrary, both the one exploring and the one being explored will discover many new and wondrous things.

Excerpted from Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions eBook.

NEXT POST:More Exotic Practices-”Loving Body Discovery Part 2″

Last fall, my wife and I took the Introduction to Tantra course from you and Pala. I have one quick question that I hope you can help me with.

She needs much more foreplay than I do; I fall into the perhaps “typical” male behavior of being ready for sex at any time. She likes slow, grounded touches prior to lovemaking, and these touches are best if done over the course of a day, or at least a period of several hours.  My problem is that the more I touch her, the more I get stimulated. This means I either over stimulate her or end up in discomfort myself. I have worked on breathing as well as the external prostate massage, but don’t think I’m yet all the way there. So, I’m wondering if you have any tips on this situation.

ANSWER

Here are a few things to consider.

1. Beware of the goal orientation in lovemaking. The goal orientation means you are focused on getting somewhere other than where you are, i.e., that is usually to penetration and ultimately to orgasm, typically with ejaculation for the man. This means you would be using everything as a means to an end, in other words, touching her in order to get her turned on so you can get inside. She will know this in ways that are mysterious and unexplainable; you can’t fool her on this. The alternative is to be in the now moment, fully present in what you are doing, for itself, not just as a means to an end. Touching her is all you are doing, not touching her to get her turned on, to get inside her; same with kissing, conversation, dancing, etc.
2. Your other challenge is to gain mastery with the hot sexual energy. The discomfort you are describing is because you have not learned how to move the hot sexual energy up through your body, away from your genitals, particularly the prostate. To successfully move the hot sexual energy you will need many repetitions (e.g., 100 per day), of PC squeezing, i.e., squeezing as if you were stopping the flow of urine. You can use the full passion pump exercise that you learned in the Tantra Introduction Workshop with all the parts including breathing, visualization, PC pump, cranial pump, moving hands up the body, relaxation of the entire body (except for the one muscle you want to squeeze, e.g., the perineum), harmonizing breath with your partner, holding eye contact, etc.
3. Try the internal prostate massage! It is far superior to the external prostate massage through the perineum.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

My boyfriend and I have been together about 3 months and are deeply in love. We have not missed one night of making love.  I think for both of it’s the best love making we have ever experienced! Usually I have at least 2 orgasms, sometimes 3 if i get the vaginal one which is the hardest to get. But as we have gotten to know each other’s bodies, it seems to come naturally. After we are done I sometimes go into a trembling state almost like I am still having a long orgasm; as long as he holds me and we are reflecting so to speak, it’s like so intense. I’m in my 40′s and never experienced anything like this. What is it, or is it in my head. Should I just enjoy and not wonder? But I am just curious. The feeling is awesome, like as long as he is holding me it continues for up to 10 or 15 minutes. Any ideas?

ANSWER

How fabulous for you both. It sounds to me like you’re experiencing extended whole-body orgasm from the movement of sexual energy through your body.

This is good, natural and something that people have been consciously practicing to do for several thousand years in the Tantric (from India) and Taoist (from China) sacred sex traditions.

With lots of lovemaking and intense heart connection you’ve built a high sexual charge and, as you lie connected in your lover’s arms, this energy is moving through your system bringing intense pleasure. If you want to, you can continue to explore this wonderful occurrence and begin to work with the sexual energy in a conscious way. The benefits are huge.

Your partner can learn to build and work with his sexual energy too. The delightful experience you’ve discovered can be just the beginning of a lifelong journey of passion, pleasure, and continued intimacy.

We have lots of resources at our website www.tantra-sex.com

There are articles about sacred sex . We’ve got lots of ebooks on the subject too.

We’ve written books that you can find on amazon.  And we’ve produced a DVD about Tantric Sex.

We offer workshops for couples to teach them how to cultivate and share their sexual energy.

We also have a membership site that features lots of videos, audios, and articles about sacred sex practices and how to work with your sexual energy: www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

Congratulations on your discovery and much joy in your continued unfolding of love.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

I am a lesbian girl. I wonder if this course (Tantra Home Study Course and Kama Sutra Home Study Course)  will do the same for my sexual life with my girlfriend

ANSWER

The practices for working with sexual energy, for increasing intimacy and heart opening emotional connection, for merging physically, emotionally, energetically, and spiritually, and for spiritual awakening all the way to enlightenment,  work for anyone, straight or gay, male or female, and any combination of those partners. Yes they will work for you and your lesbian girlfriend.

Our home study courses are excellent for all couples regardless of sexual preferences.

Tantra Sex Step By Step DVD Preview

Kama Sutra Super Sex DVD Preview

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

ANSWER

You’ve raised a very strong point here. One that you need to look carefully at if you want to have a relationship that satisfies you on all levels.

If you have emotional connection, but the sexual connection doesn’t work, what does that suggest to you? Is it a matter of you trying to help them break through barriers of sexual exploration or are you choosing men who can open their hearts but not their bodies?

Many men do have fears about sex, especially with a woman who is confident and eager. How can they keep up? Will they be able to satisfy her? After all, a woman can keep going and going, but a man wears out, unless he has learned sexual mastery. The expectation that he has to give a performance, even if it’s an unspoken expectation, can be a real libido killer. It’s easier to just stay in the same safe place.

You might suggest exploring Tantric sex practices. They focus not on the goal of orgasm but on connection on all levels — sex that has no performance demands, but instead focuses on union through pleasure. Lovemaking may be slow and gentle or wild and fast but always it is about the connection between the partners. This lets go of expectations for both of you. Just as women can sense when a man is only concentrated on getting to intercourse when he is engaging in any kind of foreplay, men can sense when a woman is figuring it’s up to him to make the sex great; he has to have skill and stamina.

Some specific suggestions, check out our articles section, read them together.  Particularly, How to Make Love For Hours , How To Give Her More Than She Can Handle, Freeing The Female Orgasm.

Attending a workshop would be even better. We have great couples’ weekends at our place near Ottawa, Canada, but depending on your location there are lots of good teachers out there. Check www.tantra.com for teachers and workshops worldwide. Suggest a workshop as a way to make your connection stronger on all levels, not as a way to make your man open up sexually to be a better lover.

Another issue could be if your man has beliefs and assumptions, perhaps subconscious, that his spouse/wife/life partner cannot be highly sexual. This is the classic Madonna/whore split. Many men, and many women, hold the belief that a woman can’t be both good and sexy, only one or the other and act accordingly. Have a conversation with him and explore the beliefs about this that both of you have. Once such beliefs are revealed you can change them. You change them by taking action. In this case action requires sexual exploration in spite of any emotional discomfort this may bring up.

A common spiritual pitfall is to always act to feel emotionally comfortable; to remain in your emotional comfort zone, but unfortunately this keeps you stuck where you are. Almost certainly, to move into new territory, e.g., in this case, integrating being highly sexual and also be great life partners at the same time, will require that you act in spite of your conditioned emotional discomfort. Doing so will change your rigid beliefs and free you to go to a higher level together.

Al Link and Pala Copeland

Image Source: www.awakaspolimas.com

Watch this video to learn to use breath and visualization to help you move and share your sexual energy in the Tantric YabYum position.

This video was created by Pala Copeland and Al Link of  4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

]]> http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/212-tantric-sex-for-beginners-the-yabyum-position/feed/ 0 http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/34-tantra-sacred-spiritual-sex/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=tantra-sacred-spiritual-sex http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/34-tantra-sacred-spiritual-sex/#comments Fri, 04 May 2007 07:00:51 +0000 Al Link http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/34-tantra-sacred-spiritual-sex/

Tantra Sacred Spiritual Sex

Sacred sex goes far beyond the bedroom, helping partners open fully to each other in trust and love through all facets of their relationship. Your relationship itself becomes a vehicle for spiritual growth and personal awareness. As you learn to open to yourself, to your own inner lover, you naturally open to others around you. You begin to understand that surrender does not mean submission or loss of self, but rather a loving expansion to something that is much greater than you are.

Like most spiritual paths, sacred sex teaches a discipline of the mind and body. It does so in a context of celebration and letting go into the sensual aspects of living, so that sacred sex is a paradoxical combination of mastery and spontaneity. As a celebration of life, sacred sex teaches the importance of conscious awareness, of being totally “in” your actions. By focusing attention on your body and your mind, and what you’re doing with them, you become all around healthier. Your emotions become more stable and more real. Your mental capacity increases and your physical health improves as you discover that your body is indeed the temple of your soul.

Balancing Feminine (Yin) and Masculine (Yang)

In both Taoist (China) and Tantric (India) traditions there are two opposite yet complementary forces at play in the universe, what the Taoists call Yin and Yang. Yin represents the feminine: cool, receptive, moist, and nourishing. Yang represents the masculine: active, dry, and fiery. Women are mostly yin, men are mostly yang—what popular author John Grey calls Venus and Mars—but within each woman there is some masculine energy and within each man some feminine. Carl Jung called these forces animus and anima. In Tantric lovemaking, you share and thus strengthen and balance your masculine and feminine energies. The YabYum posture, is an extraordinarily effective, and pleasurable, position for exchanging and balancing sexual energy with your lover, as is the Lovers’ Scissors.

Al Link and Pala Copeland – 4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

]]> http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/34-tantra-sacred-spiritual-sex/feed/ 2 http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/21-exercise-the-a-or-b-game/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=exercise-the-a-or-b-game http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/21-exercise-the-a-or-b-game/#comments Sun, 15 Apr 2007 07:00:22 +0000 Al Link http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/21-exercise-the-a-or-b-game/

A or B Game

Try two different versions of a sexual technique—for example two different tongue strokes in oral sex, two different thrusting maneuvers during intercourse, two different caresses on back or thighs, two different kisses. Refer to one as A and one as B. Ask which (s)he likes best. This opens you up to all sorts of new pleasures and avoids any hurt you might feel when someone tells you they do not like something. Repeat as often as wanted to learn each other’s arousal and orgasmic responses. You can use this technique during any lovemaking, but we suggest you set aside times when your intention is not to progress in your lovemaking to orgasm, but rather your intention is only to learn about each other. This removes any performance anxiety and can really be lots of fun if you keep it very light and playful. Repeat this as a learning exercise at least three or four times per year, or more if you discover that you both really like it.

Al Link and Pala Copeland

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

This website features an academic report which includes a set of Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) photos of male and female genitals during coitus and female sexual arousal. These are beutiful images of the sacred union between man and woman. Very Tantric. The authors state the purpose of the project: “To find out whether taking images of the male and female genitals during coitus is feasible and to find out whether former and current ideas about the anatomy during sexual intercourse and during female sexual arousal are based on assumptions or on facts.”

Author Credits

Willibrord Weijmar Schultz, associate professor of gynaecology a, Pek van Andel, physiologist b, Ida Sabelis, anthropologist d, Eduard Mooyaart, radiologist c.

a Department of Gynaecology, University Hospital Groningen, PO Box 30 001, 9700 RB Groningen, Netherlands, b Laboratory for Cell Biology and Electron Microscopy, University Hospital Groningen, c Department of Radiology, University Hospital Groningen, d Department of Business Anthropology VU, De Boelen 1081C-NL, 1081 HV, Amsterdam

Correspondence to: W Weijmar Schultz w.c.m.weymar.schultz@oprit.rug.nl

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra – Al Link and Pala Copeland