Well, here is my problem. I am 34 years old and dated more than a few men.  Not a lot, but more than two or three. All of the guys were what I would consider average or a little better in the penis department. I have never considered myself a size queen, nor do I now, but I have always wanted to try a big cock just for the experience. Well, recently I got what I wanted and started dating a great guy who turns out is very endowed in cock size. The problem is that when we are having sex and he is thrusting into me, his cock beats against my cervix and makes it quite uncomfortable for me. We have great foreplay; kissing, touching, and oral pleasure. He is not rough and starts out very gentle actually. But when he gets worked up, he is giving it to me pretty good. I thought the vaginal canal expanded when in a state of arousal, but I am not sure. That is my first question. My second is are there positions that are more “cervix friendly”? I am thinking that “big” is not as good as all the girls make it out to be.

ANSWERS:

Here are some suggestions:

1. Woman on top positions give you control over depth, speed and angle of penetration.

2. Lying on your sides, either facing toward or away from each other, with your legs closed, cuts down the depth of penetration and range of thrusting, but he feels like he’s going deep because his penis is passing between your thighs.

3. Man on top positions, with your hips raised, open your vagina for deeper penetration. Depending on how aroused you are and what your size is compared to his, this can be great or feel like too much — if he still feels like he’s too big you can experiment with holding his penis in your hand as he slides in and out — protects you and gives him lots of coverage – be sure to lubricate your hands.

4. Practice doing kegel exercises also called PC squeezes — learning to work your vaginal muscles. You can become more flexible with these practices and if you get to the point where you can relax your body while tipping your pelvis forward and pushing down with your vaginal muscles at the back of the vagina, you’ll bring the cervix forward and open up the space behind where the cervix comes down into the vagina. This space is the “cul-de-sace” sometimes also called the “x-spot” and it feels very, very good when the head of his penis pushes here.

Have fun experimenting!

You might also want to check out our ebooks for more detailed information on positions and women’s orgasms.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Truly satisfying lovemaking on all levels, emotional and spiritual as well as physical, requires time. It’s about much more than intense intercourse or even foreplay. Harmony must be established between the lovers. And that means connecting through your hearts and minds before you jump each other’s bodies. Pala and Al tell you how—it’s simple, fun and truly satisfying.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Check Out Al and Pala’s book about relationship, sex, spirit, and satisfaction.

Asking your lover for what you want and giving your lover whatever has been requested are two sides of the same coin—a yin/yang balance of receiving/giving, and passive/active pleasure. Just as it is important to learn to freely ask for what pleases you, it is also important to know that you can give unconditionally. This playful practice “My Day — Your Day” helps you do just that.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Check Out Al and Pala’s book about relationship, sex, spirit, and satisfaction.

It may be difficult to ask for what you want in bed if you do not know what that is. Furthermore, you may not have any language to use to ask for what you want. Here are some simple exercises to help you discover what you like and do not like, and to create a common language that you can use to communicate with each other what those things are.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Check Out Al and Pala’s book about relationship, sex, spirit, and satisfaction.

I have a question about role playing in sex. I am 50 and have a serious relationship with a man who is 51. Both of us have come out of a long marriage and have been Divorced 3-5 years. We are very compatible and connect deeply on all levels. We have a great sex life but I know there are some issues he has from spending most of his previous marriage without sex and belittled in other areas–he is working on those things.

During sex he likes to talk “dirty” and have me respond like “you are my whore to take as i want” etc. he likes the response i make affirming that. He wants to know he can have me sexual whenever–even if he doesn’t actually do anything. There is also the balance of nurturing and respect during sex as he is all about my satisfaction and in the relationship there is love and compassion for each other and where we are in life.

My question is I don’t mind the role playing but i think a lot has to do with his issues from previous partner and i wondered what I should do to help him not need me to agree so much with whatever he is fantasizing. There is no pain or humiliation just words of wanting him. I am more sensual where he is what i would call more primal in approach to sex. We have found a balance but i want to know if i should try and help him beyond this aspect or just let him have his fantasy as long as i am Ok with it.

ANSWER

Fantasies can add a lot of spicy interest to lovemaking, as long as both partners remain respectful of each other’s desires and limitations, which so far seems to be the situation as you describe it. So far so good. But as I read between the lines, I am assuming you are not completely comfortable with the situation, and would prefer an easing up on the dirty talking scenarios.

One possibility is to request that any dirty talking that takes place is timed differently, i.e., delivered if and only if you are ready for it. Being ready for it, typically means that such talk would only happen after the female partner is fully aroused and as rip roaring ready to go as the male partner. However, based upon what you say, this may not be a viable option, considering he likes to deliver this type of aggressive, controlling, dominating talk at any time, including at the very beginning or even if he has no real interest in sex at all.

If that is accurate, I suspect he has some fairly serious issues regarding power and control in relationships, and in working those issues out sexually. The danger is if there is an escalation of this talk into behaviors, which may not be as benign as the simple dirty talking.  Be sure to set out your boundaries for him to know, very clearly. In this regard do not be nice; really let him know as specifically as you can what you accept and do not tolerate. As any behaviors arise that test your limits, give your response and feedback immediately; don’t let it slide assuming it will just go away or fix itself.

If it becomes clear that these issues are more serious than these suggestions will manage effectively, then I suggest he gets some coaching/counseling/therapy t deal with the underlying dynamics of this situation.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

This is a very awkward question to ask.  You see…I have been sexually frustrated for years.  My husband and I don’t have sex at all.  This has led me to having affairs which have been all good but somewhat embarrassing as at first I did not know what to feel or how to feel.

I want to have incredible sex.  I don’t want to have a love affair but want to be a “loving” sexual partner when I do have sex with men.  Those are my tendencies.  I am confused as to which technique I should learn more about – Tantra or Kuma Sutra.

I tend to have that loving touch, kissing, pressing against him, teasing, looking into his eyes….wanting to feel that energy.

I just don’t know where to begin.  I have started on this journey of liberation and for me it’s about easily giving and receiving to have an incredible experience each time.  It’s become a journey and a quest to be uninhibited and liberated from sex being taboo and only something you do when you are in love to it being and incredible experience of two people coming together and fusing our energies.

ANSWER

Kama Sutra is primarily about specific sexual techniques, e.g., kissing, biting, slapping, touching, sexual intercourse positions, talking, etc. Tantra is a spiritual practice, elevating sex to sacred sex, focusing a great deal on emotional connection and intimacy, working with the hot sexual energy, and awakening the higher spiritual consciousness by consciously working with sexual energy.

That being said, there is no need to pick one or the other. You can explore both, e.g., through our published books, our electronic books, our videos and our membership website. We offer depth instruction in both Tantra and Kama Sutra. You may also find a weekend workshop (for couples) to be quite useful.

Published Books by Al Link and Pala Copeland (If you prefer to learn by reading a book you can hold in your hands.)

eBooks and Audiobooks by Al Link and Pala Copeland (If you enjoy reading a book on your computer screen or handheld device.)

Videos (DVDs) by Al Link and Pala Copeland (If you prefer to learn by watching videos.)

• Tantra Home Study Course DVD (NOTE: This is a complete learning curriculum including detailed learning outcomes, questions for review and reflection. Also included is an electronic manual of text instruction.)
• Kama Sutra Home Study Course DVD (NOTE: This is a complete learning curriculum including detailed learning outcomes, questions for review and reflection. Also included is an electronic manual of text instruction.)

Sexy Spiritual Relationships Membership Website

Here you can access our entire body of work from the past 20 years, for a very low monthly fee. Most of our published books, electronic books and videos are available at our membership website. This might be the best place to start, as you could take a look at all or our materials for one very low price. Obviously it would cost much more to get everything we have produced if you purchase all of the items separately. We add new material continuously to the membership site as it is released.

Workshops and Retreats Hosted by Al Link and Pala Copeland (If you prefer personal instruction from a teacher.)

Held monthly in our home near Ottawa Ontario Canada. Only three couples per weekend!

Costa Rica Retreat – February 2011

A most romantic week on the beach in this tropical paradise! The learning adventure of a lifetime. Very hot, very sexy!

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 9 years. We have been sexually active for 6 years but I am not enjoying like I use to. I am not interested in him sexually anymore but I want to have sex. I’m bored when we do it and I get no satisfaction from it. I don’t want to talk to him about it because he will say I don’t love him anymore. What should I do?

ANSWER

Have you lost interest in your boyfriend in other ways too, or just sexually? If it’s just sexual boredom there’s lots you can do to put the spark back in. In any case, it’s important that you let him know how you feel. Open communication is essential for a lasting, fulfilling relationship.

When couples lose passion after a while it’s generally because their sex has become routine — they do the same things over and over. And they often rush through sex, so women don’t have enough time to become thoroughly satisfied. Variety is the spice of sexual passion, but you don’t need to find this variety with a different partner, you can create it together. Talk to him about trying new things and learning new sex techniques. There’s lots of places you can find great sex instruction. Explore together. Make it fun. I’m sure your boyfriend would be happy to learn some new skills rather than lose you. If not, you’re better off knowing now and moving on.

Some suggestions:

• read our articles -  Tantra Loving Step by Step; Freeing the Female Orgasm; Give Her More Than She can Handle
• get our ebooks about women and orgasm, men and ejaculation mastery, the kama sutra – Individual eBooks sell for $9.95 – Save 25% – 45% when you buy our special eBook packages
• check out our books, particularly the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra; it has explicit instruction on everything from kissing to intercourse positions and thrusting techniques
• get our Kama Sutra Super Sex Homestudy course – DVD and ebook
• go to a workshop about sex techniques together – I don’t know where you live but many large cities have evening or day long sessions on sex instruction – if possible you could even attend one of our weekend retreats for couples

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

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Last fall, my wife and I took the Introduction to Tantra course from you and Pala. I have one quick question that I hope you can help me with.

She needs much more foreplay than I do; I fall into the perhaps “typical” male behavior of being ready for sex at any time. She likes slow, grounded touches prior to lovemaking, and these touches are best if done over the course of a day, or at least a period of several hours.  My problem is that the more I touch her, the more I get stimulated. This means I either over stimulate her or end up in discomfort myself. I have worked on breathing as well as the external prostate massage, but don’t think I’m yet all the way there. So, I’m wondering if you have any tips on this situation.

ANSWER

Here are a few things to consider.

1. Beware of the goal orientation in lovemaking. The goal orientation means you are focused on getting somewhere other than where you are, i.e., that is usually to penetration and ultimately to orgasm, typically with ejaculation for the man. This means you would be using everything as a means to an end, in other words, touching her in order to get her turned on so you can get inside. She will know this in ways that are mysterious and unexplainable; you can’t fool her on this. The alternative is to be in the now moment, fully present in what you are doing, for itself, not just as a means to an end. Touching her is all you are doing, not touching her to get her turned on, to get inside her; same with kissing, conversation, dancing, etc.
2. Your other challenge is to gain mastery with the hot sexual energy. The discomfort you are describing is because you have not learned how to move the hot sexual energy up through your body, away from your genitals, particularly the prostate. To successfully move the hot sexual energy you will need many repetitions (e.g., 100 per day), of PC squeezing, i.e., squeezing as if you were stopping the flow of urine. You can use the full passion pump exercise that you learned in the Tantra Introduction Workshop with all the parts including breathing, visualization, PC pump, cranial pump, moving hands up the body, relaxation of the entire body (except for the one muscle you want to squeeze, e.g., the perineum), harmonizing breath with your partner, holding eye contact, etc.
3. Try the internal prostate massage! It is far superior to the external prostate massage through the perineum.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

I like too much anal sex and group sex with my wife, but she doesn’t. What should I do?

ANSWER

Anal sex is a not to everyone’s liking, nor is group sex. Lots of anal sex could turn almost anyone off unless they are really into it, which does not sound like the case with your wife. Same goes for group sex. I could easily imagine your wife is feeling like she is being used as a sexual object. Perhaps you could learn the knowledge and skill of additional lovemaking techniques that would be more pleasing for your wife, and reducing the frequency of anal sex and group sex.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

I have a good relationship with an attractive older woman. She is 19 years older than I am. We enjoy deep conversations. I want our relationship to become closer. I want sex with her and find it appropriate for us to have it. She has not said that she does not want sex in our relationship but she seems uncertain. She seems hesitant about our age difference. She has said that if we were closer in age things would be different. She said that she had sex for the first time in the same year I was born. She has not said that she would not enjoy sex together. How can I encourage her to think differently about age differences in regards to having sex or not? Might there be other reasons why she seems uncertain about sex?

Is it common despite age difference in a relationship for the man to want sex and find it appropriate and a woman to seem hesitant about sex in the relationship?

ANSWER

We personally know couples where the female is more than 10 years older than the male and they are happy couples.

The essence of a good relationship, one that will thrive for a lifetime together, is love, not sex. When two people love each other, they can make almost any arrangement work. If they do not love each other, virtually nothing will work in the longer run, over a period of years, even if the sex is sizzling at first.

After love, the next most important ingredient for successful relationships, is knowledge and skill of what couples who have a successful relationship actually do. The primary skill for relationship success is the courage, willingness, and ability to keep your heart open. An open heart means that you risk being emotionally transparent and vulnerable for each other; in other words you allow each other to see and know what is really going on inside of you, what you really feel, want, desire, and need, including your doubts, fears and insecurities. And, you learn the skills associated with giving and receiving love. Those skills include, how to be intimate, non-sexual touching, methods of communication, and of course knowledge and techniques for a mature, adult, spiritual sexuality such as one learns by studying Tantric and/or Taoist sacred sexuality. These are the things Pala and I teach couples how to do, through our published books, eBooks, DVDs, our Sexy Spiritual Relationships membership website, coaching and workshops.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

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