“Sacred Space”

Holy Ground

What is the difference between “sex” and “sacred sex”? Essentially, the difference is your attitude and intention. It is primarily through ceremony and ritual that we communicate with our souls. Creating a sacred space for loving is one of the best ways of signaling to your deepest / highest consciousness that your intention is to elevate lovemaking to an art and a sacrament. In this way the lovers may graduate from ordinary friction sex (in which bodies rub together for pleasure) to energy sex (in which there is a deep emotional and energetic connection), and ultimately if love is present to the complete union of soul sex.

Honoring the God and Goddess

We are all ordinary human beings, and yet we are at once god and goddess, simultaneously flawed and wonderful. In sacred loving each of you brings to it your absolute best, and each of you looks for and expects to find the best in your partner. You treat each other as the god and goddess you actually are. You offer your lovemaking to God as a way to honor Him, to celebrate His love and blessings and to the Goddess for the great abundance that surrounds you.

However attractive your lovemaking space is when you start, take 10-15 minutes to transform it by adding fresh flowers or plants, changing the lighting with lots of candles, selecting the perfect music, draping beautiful pieces of cloth over hard edges, bringing in special objects that have emotional or spiritual significance for both of you such as photographs or gifts you have given each other previously.

Excerpted from Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions eBook.

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

Al Link and Pala Copeland

NEXT POST: Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions – “Sacred Bathing”

“Loving Body Discovery ” Part 2

In the “loving body discovery” exercise, we usually suggest that you do NOT proceed on to intercourse and orgasm. In this way, you can experience what it is like to make love without trying to get anywhere, without having the possibly frustrating experience of wanting an orgasm but not getting one. Ironically, when they remove orgasm as a goal, many lovers report having lots more orgasms. Here surrender and letting go are much more useful—control does not help at all. Remember, control is the enemy of ecstasy.

A common complaint we hear from women, is that their male lovers go almost immediately for the hot spots—breasts and genitals. We refer to this as the bulls-eye syndrome. The loving body discovery is an excellent antidote to the bulls-eye syndrome because you don’t approach the breasts and genitals until well into the exercise.

Ladies, bear in mind that men are animals—they can be trained easily! Remember Pavlov’s dogs? The dogs learned to salivate at the sound of the bell once they associated the bell with food as a conditioned response. Men go quickly for the genitals because they get a great big response there. If you want your man to stay at another spot on your beautiful body for a long time and to go to that spot early in your lovemaking, give him a big response when he is there. For example, move your body and make appreciative sounds when he is nibbling on your neck, whispering in your ears, or sucking your lovely toes.

When finally you do reach the hot spots, remember that you are exploring with all of your senses. You are not trying to arouse your partner sexually (although this may well happen). You are not building with the idea of going on to intercourse. You are not trying to make your lover come. You are not trying to get to orgasm. The loving body discovery mercifully lets both of you off the “performance hook”.

Loving Body Discovery – “Eating Out”

You may introduce some playfully creative variations into your loving body discovery. Dress your lover up like an ice-cream sundae and dive in for an erotic snack. This gives a whole new meaning to “eating out”. Dessert was never so good.

Excerpted from Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions eBook.

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

Al Link and Pala Copeland

NEXT POST: Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions – “Massage”

Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions-More Exotic Practices

“Loving Body Discovery Part 1″

One of the exercises from our Tantra weekend for couples is the “loving body discovery”. In this exercise lovers take turns exploring each other’s bodies, from head to toe and everywhere in-between. When you are exploring, you start from the outside (hands, feet, ears, etc.) and work your way in toward the hot spots (breasts and genitals), always moving very, very slowly. When you think you are going slow enough, go even slower than that!

The loving body discovery is not a massage, nor is it an attempt to build sexual excitement. Rather, the idea is to explore “as if for the very first time” touching, smelling, and tasting your lover, inch by lovely inch. Of course, your lover may become aroused during your exploration, but that is not your objective.

The loving body exploration can easily last several hours and is something to do many times, not just once. Afterwards, share what new and delightful things you discovered about each other during the exercise, for example—marks, lines, textures, scents, sensitivities, your pleasure, your appreciation, etc.

One problem that couples report to us in our Tantra workshops is performance anxiety. People quite understandably want to be great lovers. They want to make something wonderful happen for their partner. Goal orientation may creep in and take over, becoming a focus on getting to orgasm. This can rob you of the delights, pleasures and beauty of each touch, each breath, or each glance of the eye. In Tantric sacred loving there is no goal, but there is a purpose—union between the lovers. The loving body discovery is a most excellent exercise to help discover the joys of loving without having to get to orgasm, to be free of the requirement to perform in a certain way. On the contrary, both the one exploring and the one being explored will discover many new and wondrous things.

Excerpted from Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions eBook.

NEXT POST:More Exotic Practices-”Loving Body Discovery Part 2″

My boyfriend and I have been together about 3 months and are deeply in love. We have not missed one night of making love.  I think for both of it’s the best love making we have ever experienced! Usually I have at least 2 orgasms, sometimes 3 if i get the vaginal one which is the hardest to get. But as we have gotten to know each other’s bodies, it seems to come naturally. After we are done I sometimes go into a trembling state almost like I am still having a long orgasm; as long as he holds me and we are reflecting so to speak, it’s like so intense. I’m in my 40′s and never experienced anything like this. What is it, or is it in my head. Should I just enjoy and not wonder? But I am just curious. The feeling is awesome, like as long as he is holding me it continues for up to 10 or 15 minutes. Any ideas?

ANSWER

How fabulous for you both. It sounds to me like you’re experiencing extended whole-body orgasm from the movement of sexual energy through your body.

This is good, natural and something that people have been consciously practicing to do for several thousand years in the Tantric (from India) and Taoist (from China) sacred sex traditions.

With lots of lovemaking and intense heart connection you’ve built a high sexual charge and, as you lie connected in your lover’s arms, this energy is moving through your system bringing intense pleasure. If you want to, you can continue to explore this wonderful occurrence and begin to work with the sexual energy in a conscious way. The benefits are huge.

Your partner can learn to build and work with his sexual energy too. The delightful experience you’ve discovered can be just the beginning of a lifelong journey of passion, pleasure, and continued intimacy.

We have lots of resources at our website www.tantra-sex.com

There are articles about sacred sex . We’ve got lots of ebooks on the subject too.

We’ve written books that you can find on amazon.  And we’ve produced a DVD about Tantric Sex.

We offer workshops for couples to teach them how to cultivate and share their sexual energy.

We also have a membership site that features lots of videos, audios, and articles about sacred sex practices and how to work with your sexual energy: www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

Congratulations on your discovery and much joy in your continued unfolding of love.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

Most Tantric sacred lovemaking texts substitute more poetic terms to refer to the male and female sexual anatomy. Penis is lingam. Vagina is yoni. There are hundreds of other terms commonly used, such as golden rod, wand of light, jade stalk, tangled garden, honey pot and secret cave. Using such terminology is generally perceived to be more respectful, sensual and romantic. Certainly the language commonly heard on the streets such as cock and cunt, seems by comparison crude and disrespectful.

Genital Sizes – Mix and Match

The Kama Sutra, by Vatsyayana classifies the lingam and yoni according to size.

Male – Lingam: Hare (small) – Bull (medium) – Horse (large)

Female – Yoni: Deer (small) – Mare (medium) – Elephant (large)

According to Vatsyayana (and common sense) matches of equal size are ideal, but lovers can manage the other combinations quite nicely. Certain positions are helpful when there is a mismatch of genital sizes.

When the lingam is small and the yoni large try the following positions.

• Man on Top – “Missionary” (variation – legs over shoulders) – allows for maximum penetration
• Woman on Top – “Crouching Tigress” (variation – “Sidesaddle”) – allows for the skillful use of PC squeezing by the woman
• Opposites – “Backslide” – provides an ideal angle for stimulation of the G-Spot

When the lingam is large and the yoni is small try the following positions.

• Man on Top – “Missionary” (variation – man supports his weight off the woman) – allows for holding back from maximum penetration
• Woman on Top – “Tender Surrender” (variation – lying face to face) – the lady is in charge of penetration and thrusting
• Face to Face – “One Crutch” – allows for holding back from maximum penetration
• Sideways – “The Lover’s Scissors” – penetration is not deep and thrusting is relaxed
• Other Positions – Pregnancy – “The Cradle” (variation II) – shallow penetration and relaxed thrusting

This is an excerpt from our eBook “Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positons”

All of the positions mentioned above will be added to this blog. Check back to see all of them.

Al Link and Pala Copeland

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

Woman on Top – “Tender Surrender” (Variation – Lying face to face)

“She climbs upon you, the flowers dropping from her tousled hair, her giggles turning to gasps; every time she bends to kiss your lips her nipples pierce your chest.” Love Teachings of Kama Sutra, by Vatsyayana, translated by Indra Sinha

Both men and women may have difficulty opening their hearts and allowing themselves to be emotionally vulnerable and transparent, but heart opening seems most challenging for men. In this woman-on-top position the man must surrender to his lady, making himself vulnerable to her. Once you understand that control is the enemy of ecstasy, you may begin to appreciate the benefits of complete surrender to one another in lovemaking.

When the lady is on top, she gives more energy than she takes. This is particularly beneficial if the man is recovering from an illness or injury or is in need of rest. In the variation shown here, the lovers are able to harmonize their breath while they gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes. A combination of harmonized breathing and eye gazing is one of the easiest ways for lovers to circulate their hot sexual energy. This position is also very effective when the lingam is large and the yoni is small as the lady is in charge of penetration and thrusting.

This position is excerpted from our eBook “Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positons”

Al Link and Pala Copeland

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

NEXT POST-Kama Sutra Sexual Intercourse Positions – Woman On Top Varaiations

Man on Top – “Missionary” (variation – Man Standing)

“With raised thighs, her feet placed either side of your waist; linga enters yoni; you rain hard blows upon her body.” Love Teachings of Kama Sutra, by Vatsyayana, translated by Indra Sinha

In this “missionary” variation with the man standing, the pumping action can be particularly vigorous. This is most suitable when the couple has already generated considerable erotic passion, when both lovers desire a harder, animal approach rather than a more still, quiet and spiritual one. Don’t misunderstand, we suggest that hard fucking can be as holy as any meditation. We invite God and Goddess into our bed when we are passionately engaged in hot lovemaking as well as when we are joined in a prayerful meditative posture, for example in one of the variations of the YabYum positions that will be featured in another post. Your intention is what makes your sex spiritual, not the position or activity you are engaged in.

This position is excerpted from our eBook “Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positons”

Al Link and Pala Copeland

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

NEXT POST-Kama Sutra Position: Woman on Top – “Tender Surrender” (Variation – Lying face to face)

I’ve been wanting to explore sacred sex for a couple of years now. I am a 37 y/o male in excellent physical health. My current relationship has been turbulent at times partly due to personality conflicts and also my impatience/over reaction to the dreaded premature ejaculation. I am vasectomized and thought that this was the cause. For over 1 year I have not been able to have intercourse for more than 1 minute give or take ( 2 seconds is my record!). This became worse when I started Kegel exercises.

We have had terrific sex but I seem to be experiencing some difficulties now.

I have discontinued Kegels. I am very confused about esoteric sexual practices. I have read a lot of Mantak Chia material and find it confusing to understand. It seems that I’m caught in a cycle of sexual scarcity and naturally the more frustrated and panicky I become the more my partner is turned off altogether.  I’ve become afraid to initiate sex.

I don’t know how to begin. We are both discouraged, I am frustrated and irritable all the time because I don’t feel like a good lover and we are avoiding sex most of the time because it causes a lot of drama. Currently we are considering splitting up after 3 years. I feel very sad. I am however absolutely fascinated by tantric sex and desire to be a lifelong student of this way of connecting. I need to know that this ejaculation issue is resolvable with some techniques. I have absolutely no problem getting an erection, it’s just too sensitive and engorged with huge amounts of precum. How do I move that energy around without exploding? I’ve tried a lot of things but inevitably am trumped by the all-powerful Vagina every time. I am no match for her power.

Al I had read that you too had a vasectomy. Did it affect your ejaculation control or your prostate?

Any suggestions would be great. I really admire what you 2 do for people and each other. I hope to be so lucky some day in such a partnership.

ANSWER

Your situation is very serious if you are considering separation, and lasting only a few seconds before ejaculation must be quite frustrating for you and your partner, not to mention how hard it is on a man’s self-esteem.

First, the vasectomy is not an issue, although you might have made some assumptions that have turned into beliefs now lodged in your subconscious about this that are complicating the problem. Such contents of the subconscious can be removed. We can help you do that either at a workshop or during telephone coaching.

We have helped many men overcome premature ejaculation. We can train you to make ejaculation completely voluntary.

You must learn to move the hot sexual energy up away from the prostate. There are many methods to do that.

You say when you started doing Kegels it made your situation worse. I suspect that was because you were not doing them correctly (it is not about strength, no about how hard you squeeze, but rather squeezing in the right way. Also, you may not have persisted in your practice long enough.

We can also help you de-mystify the practices taught by Mantak Chia. Here is what he said on the cover of our first published book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two.

“The core of Tantra and Tao acknowledge that through sexual love the relationship between man and woman can support the two of them on their return to the light. Copeland and Link present this work with enthusiasm and compassion. They represent the new generation of spiritual sexuality work that will give realistic support to sincere, dedicated couples.”

Here are some options for you to choose from, to get the help you need.

Free Articles by Al Link and Pala Copeland

Ejaculation Mastery

Voluntary Ejaculation

Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Sexual Mastery eBook by Al Link and Pala Copeland

Penis Strengthening and Ejaculation Mastery Video by Loren Johnson

TANTRIC YOGA & SEXUAL KUNG FU FOR MEN

Workshops with Al Link and Pala Copeland

Introduction to Tantra Weekend (With 3 Couples)

Private Session (Weekend or Middle of the Week)

Ejaculation Training Device  (The High Tech – High Touch Solution!)

Another option is to do telephone coaching.

My recommendation, what I would do if I were in your situation, take the private weekend. We can devote our complete attention to you, and take as long as necessary to help you deal with your particular challenges and needs. I am confident we can help you overcome this issue with a private session.

Call me toll free if you want to discuss these options: 1-800-684-5308

All good things,

Man on Top – “Missionary” (variation – legs over shoulders)

“She draws her limbs together, clasping her knees tightly to her breasts, her yoni, like an opening bud, offered up for pleasure.” Love Teachings of Kama Sutra, by Vatsyayana, translated by Indra Sinha

In this variation with her legs over your shoulders she presents her yoni fully ripe and open for maximum penetration. Depending upon size the penis may reach all the way to her cervix at the back of her vaginal canal, which can be very erotically stimulating for her if the lingam just teasingly touches her cervix. However, this position is not recommended if the lingam is large and the yoni is small because it may be painful for the woman if the man pushes too hard against her cervix. This position is highly effective when the lingam is small and the yoni large.

This position is excerpted from our eBook “Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positons”

Al Link and Pala Copeland

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

NEXT POST- Kama Sutra Position: Man on Top – Missionary variation – “Man Standing”

Tantra & Kama Sutra Sex Positions

The person who is on top during active lovemaking generates the most energy, which is passed to the partner on the bottom. Take turns sending and receiving by switching top and bottom throughout your sacred loving. If one of you is tired, or recovering from an illness or injury, then spend most of your time underneath.

Man on Top – “Missionary” (variation – knees up)

“It is a gentle forward stroke which may be varied for depth and speed, allowing a subtlety, rhythm and spontaneity.” Love Teachings of Kama Sutra, by Vatsyayana, translated by Indra Sinha

The classic “missionary” position and its many variations is the most common lovemaking position. Generally the woman lies flat on her back with the man on top of her. Variations include the woman raising one or both knees or lifting one or both legs high into the air. She may also raise her legs and hook them over her lover’s shoulders. The man may lie with his full weight on her or he may prop his body up with one or both arms. When he raises his body this way it allows for both lovers to caress and fondle other body parts during intercourse. For example the man may fondle or suck the woman’s breasts, or he may reach down to stimulate her clitoris while intercourse continues. The woman may fondle the man’s nipples, tickle and scratch him, and so on. You may explore kissing during this position, or harmonize your breath and gaze into each other’s eyes—all are methods for circulating hot sexual energy between you.

This position is excerpted from our eBook “Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positons”

Al Link and Pala Copeland

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

NEXT POST- Man on Top – Variation “Legs Over Shoulders”