What do his touches mean? Is it love or lust? Well I'm a very naive girl and I never had a boyfriend. I met my cousin (3years younger than me but looks like a MAN) on this summer vacation. It's been 7 years since we met again. Now I’m 23 and he's 20. we drank a lot together and I talked a lot about myself and family, and he did too.


I was crying and laughing and he saw so many stupid and weak sides of me. So I'm now very shy in front of him. I don't even remember all of what I told him. These days he often cuddles me and rubs my shoulders and arms, which feels good. He also fixes my hair. Last night we were sleeping together in the same room and he came over to me and hugged me from back while I was lying on my side, then he gently rubbed my pelvis (bone and thigh) and put his nose very close to my neck and breathed deep.


I didn't know what to do, so I just let him be. HonestIy I didn't hate it. We knew we were both not sleeping and he also was touching my hand while we were in the car when I was falling asleep. He's often staring at me and always smiling at me and he looks really happy to watch me.


But I want to know exactly what it means when a guy touches shoulder and arm, cuz I think it's ok between cousins, touching hands, hair, waist, hips, isn't it?


But because he's my younger cousin and I don't know if it’s too much or not. Maybe he did this as a, oh my cute cousin, she's so sweet and innocent. I love her! We are family! And now I'm overacting.
 

Was it too much touching for family? Is it a bit too sexual, this touching? Did he cross the line?
 

Well I never had a relationship so I’m not sure. But when we were drunk he kept telling me, you are the cutest girl I've ever met, you are super sexy.
 

Sexy? It's a bit of an awkward compliment from a younger cousin. I'm very confused, most of all because I like his touches, just not as a cousin. If he was just a man…

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ANSWER

This is only a problem for you because it is a problem for her, but that makes it real enough that you would want to do something about it. This is a situation where you want to act to support a desired outcome, rather than stay in your emotional comfort zone. Relationships have a way of putting us repeatedly in such situations, that is why we refer to our relationship as our spiritual practice. None of this would be an issue if you were living alone in a cave, but since you want to be with her you are going to have to learn some new things, and change some old behaviors.
 

So the solution is this. When you want to create a new situation or outcome, you must move into your emotional discomfort zone. Instead of acting to get back to your comfort zone as quickly as possible (what most people do most of the time; hence the reason they stay stuck where they have always been), you act to support creating a new outcome that is desired by both of you. In this case you tell her what you think about and fantasize about, even if it feels very uncomfortable to do so. It will get easier with practice.
 

Another aspect of this is that for someone to reveal their innermost thoughts and fantasies does make them emotionally vulnerable and transparent. This is something many avoid doing at all costs, believing that by hiding inside themselves they are safe from hurt and harm. But of course all they get is isolation, alienation and loneliness. Opening your heart means becoming emotionally vulnerable and transparent. So taking this action of talking about  what you are thinking, feeling and fantasizing about inside will make you emotionally vulnerable and transparent, but this only means you are opening your heart. You might be absolutely terrified of doing this, but that is only more reason to do it anyway.

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I’m 15 years old, and have a crush on my boyfriend’s mom who is 30 years old. She has 3 kids. I really care for her and know she is unhappy with her husband. I don’t know how to approach her and tell her I like her cause she'll probably slap me or tell my parents.

 
ANSWER

Trust your heart. If you really care for her, let her know, but under the circumstances, i.e., she is married with kids, and the age difference, including that you are still a minor, makes the probability of her responding favorably to your affections, rather small, but anything is possible. As Wayne Gretzky says, "100% of the shots you don't take, don't go in." So go for it and if it doesn't work out, move on.

Popularity: 6% [?]

 
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There are many reasons why a man could be impotent. This is also called erectile dysfunction (ED).


First consider there might be medical conditions causing the problem, but that is beyond what I can explain in a brief message. If he us able to get erections sometimes, then likely the problem is not medical, but if he rarely if ever gets erections no matter what the stimulation, then the problem is likely to be medical and he should seek the help of a doctor for proper diagnosis and treatment.
 

More likely the problem is mental, psychological. Again there can be so many possibilities that I could not go into all of them. One option is to seek counseling or coaching. We offer telephone coaching if you want to go the coaching rout. But here are a couple of suggestions to consider first.


The first step and the most important thing is that he is willing to confront his own demons and do his inner work to become fit for relationship. Every relationship problem is to some extent the result of a dynamic situation between both partners, but if he is not willing to look inside to find his own solution, there would be little that you could do. It sounds like you have tried many options without effect, so it is likely he is dealing with some internal mental situation based upon something from his past, for example possibly including sexual abuse.
 

He will have to be willing to see what is inside himself, and let you in on it; in other words open his heart to reveal what is going on inside him. By revealing what is going on, what he is feeling, what he can see that might be going on within himself, this is what it means to have an open heart. He may not be willing or able to do that, and if not, frankly I suggest you look elsewhere for the true love that you desire. Without doing such inner work, it is unlikely that this situation will correct itself and you could spend months or years hoping things will change.


If he is willing to share with you what is inside himself, to become emotionally vulnerable and transparent, to open his heart to you, then you have something to work with that would make it worthwhile, or at least hopeful, that together you could find a resolution, allowing him to have a more normal male sexual response to your healthy female sexual needs and desires.

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Completely Committed

Time for Exercise: 15 minutes

Properties Required: none

Steps:

1.Explain to your partner what your commitment means.

2.Give evidence that supports your statement and shows your commitment. Below are examples of evidence that commitment is real. The items on this list are not all required. They are examples to help get the exercise going. Each couple will express their commitment in their own way. There are no rules about commitment. The most important thing about commitment is that you are in agreement about it. For example, in some relationships, neither partner is ready for 100% commitment.

Popularity: 3% [?]