My wife and I have been having issues of late when trying to have sex. Usually we are in the missionary position, but after a short period of time, my wife begins to complain about pain. At that point we either have to rush and she has to endure or we just stop leaving us both frustrated. I want to say that I am large but I truly don't think this is the issue. We have been married for over 8 years and have a daughter and this has only been an issue of late. What can be causing this and what can we do to remedy it?
ANSWER
There can be a number of reasons for painful intercourse. The most likely is not enough lubrication. Is your wife fully aroused before you start intercourse? When a woman becomes very sexually excited her vagina expands and it produces lubrication so that intercourse goes smoothly. Make sure you take enough time with foreplay — kissing, caressing, telling her how wonderful she is, oral sex — before you even attempt to enter her. You can also use additional lubricant, such as a water or silicone based lubricant.
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I am not a virgin, but I am very rusty in the sex department. It has been a long time, too long, and I do not want to go to a hooker. Where can I get a surrogate sex partner? New York Magazine used to have surrogate sex partners in the back of it. I just need a refresher course. Please help.
ANSWER
Here is the Google search page for sex surrogates.
This association would be a good place to start looking: www.surrogatetherapy.org
Al Link and Pala Copeland
4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra
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Body Freedom Exercises
Exercises To Do Together
Games Galore
Time for Exercise: 30 minutes to all day and night
Properties Required: varies with each game
Treasure Hunt I
Place notes (e.g., sticky notes) to lead your lover on a search for sensual, sexual treasures. The hidden treasures are treats you will give your partner such as: a full-body massage, a foot bathing, lingam or yoni massage, nude photo session, or fantasy of her choice.
Treasure Hunt II
Leave notes around the house with messages leading your lover from place to place, ending at a spot where you are waiting and ready to make love. If it is nighttime, turn off all lights and leave a trail of tea lights to guide your lover to you.
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"Is she really ready?"
I have this problem anytime I wanna have sex with this girl. I do all the things I have to do to rev her up and she responds up to the point where she wants it, and badly too, but then when it’s time to go in, it just won’t go in. I mean she’s so tight down there and I really don't wanna hurt her, so I always stop. Even though we're both on the edge and she wants it hot. FYI, she’s not a virgin, and I’m not that terribly big down there either.
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"Body Pleasure and Relationship – Body Freedom"
(Part 3 of 7)
Fortunately, a mate relationship gives you a perfect arena in which to learn to overcome your negative body conditioning and to celebrate your body’s desires. When you are in a loving relationship, consciously sharing your body with another, you can become more at ease in your skin. Under the adoring gaze and lusty caresses of your mate you can learn to know your beauty from the inside out. A fulfilling sex life assists you to feel beautiful through channels that are both chemical (mood-altering endorphins) and emotional (the intimacy of desire). If you feel beautiful, you are.
As integral aspects of deep connection between lovers, pleasure, touching, and sex gain moral legitimacy and spiritual character in the context of monogamous relationship. Monogamous relationships provide a cocoon of commitment, a safe haven for learning the ways of Body Freedom. Consider, for example, touch as one of the most basic sources of pleasure. Touch isn’t optional for a good relationship, it’s essential. Studies dating back more than fifty years document that without touch human beings do not thrive. Without touch you can become emotionally withdrawn and physically and psychically ill. The absence of pleasure might induce emotional instability, possibly correlated with addiction, and encourage abusive, violent behavior. Relationships give you permission to explore touching in intimate ways that range from tenderly affectionate to passionately sexual. Physical pleasure becomes socially acceptable within the context of a relationship.
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