I am married for 16 years and the sex is few and far between. The problem is that I know this guy and I always fantasize about him and me having sex. It feels like we have a connection. He is like a school boy and I a schoolgirl. I don’t want to hurt my family. My daughter is married and gone. My husband is gone all week driving a truck and only home 36 hours and then gone again. What should i do? We both have talked about having a romance and sex with no strings attached. With my husband it is so boring at times.

ANSWER

I could not advise you to start an affair, but here are some considerations. Affairs almost always become known and this means your husband and daughter will almost certainly eventually find out. Consider what will happen when the affair comes to the attention of your husband and daughter. If all you do is think about and imagine how wonderful it will be to have “non-attached” sex, and no one ever finds out, naturally this will seem like an irresistible temptation, but if you also realistically consider the consequences to your marriage if you husband discovers the affair, it may appear in a very different light.

It is a good idea to talk with your husband before you start the affair in order to clarify each other’s needs and wants sexually, time spent together, fidelity, etc., I have never seen open marriage work, but the best chance you have of making multiple sexual partners work is if both you and your husband agree to such an experiment, and then do so only with the other’s knowledge.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

Image Source: www.aarp.org

ANSWER

Yes of course you deserve something. He was being a selfish jerk. But if you get angry it will not be helpful, not even a little bit helpful. What would be helpful is if you reveal to your fiancé that his lack of attention to you on this special lovers romantic holiday hurts your feelings. And of course this desire to have him carry you in his thoughts and in his heart would extend to every day of the year, not just on special days such as Valentine’s, or birthdays, or anniversaries. When you respond by revealing that his indifference to you hurt you, and perhaps that it makes you afraid that he does not love you (only if that is a real fear of course), means you are opening your heart to him, because opening your heart means that you have the courage to take the risk by daring to reveal what you are feeling and this makes you emotionally vulnerable and transparent. On the other hand, anger typically results in making him want to fight or run away, which is what he did by storming out of the house in a huff. His angry response at being called on his callous and indifferent behavior toward you was only a childish ego defense. If he does not respond well to your revealing that his behavior hurts you or makes you afraid, you are advised to think long and carefully if you want to go ahead with marriage to this man. If things are not good before marriage, they are not likely to be better after marriage.

Al Link and Pala Copeland

TOGETHER FOREVER

Lifelong commitment normally means growing old together. Think and talk together about how your relationship will mature as your age advances.

Time for Exercise: five to 30 minutes

Properties Required: photograph of an older couple

Steps:

1.Sit down with your lover and allow your imagination to conjure up images of what your life will be like as you grow old together.

• Consider your health status. Visualize how your bodies will look.
• Visualize the activities you will be engaged in, especially those you do as a couple. Will you be sexually active? What form will sex take? What creative pursuits will you enjoy? What accomplishments will you look back on with satisfaction and pride?
• Where will you live? What will your financial status be? What will be happening in your family?
• Imagine all the ways you have helped to make the world a better place.

2.Frame and display your photograph as a visual symbol of the life you choose to create together as you age.

Excerpted from our new book Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul, by Al Link and Pala Copeland, Llewellyn, 2007

Available at Amazon.com

Also available as an eBook in pdf for Adobe Reader, prc for MobiPocket, or on CD.

Check also at Amazon.com, Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying (Paperback) by Ram Dass

Al Link and Pala Copeland

Sexy Spiritual Relationships