I never use to have a problem in the past with serious relationships in getting a man to come with oral sex. My boyfriend and I are happily together for over 2½ years. He never like oral until I did it to him because a former girlfriend bit him.
My problem is that I can never get him to come, ever, in all this time we have been together, but he loves oral anyway because of me. He doesn't seem to care because we please each other in other ways. So any suggestions?
ANSWER
Let go of any concern with whether or not your man ejaculates during fellatio. Having a goal of ejaculation is one of the ways to interfere with the natural organic ejaculatory response. Ironically, when you drop the performance expectation of getting to the ejaculation, you will likely discover that he is able to ejaculate more easily, if he wants to.
Beware if you have a belief or assumption that to really please him and satisfy him, he must ejaculate. On the contrary, what most men want is to stay at the height of pleasure longer, not end it with an ejaculation.
Once a man learns about cultivating and moving his hot sexual energy up through his body, he can have multiple orgasms without ejaculating at all. It would be better for your man to learn that than to figure out how to ejaculate, which only makes him tired in exchange for a few seconds of pleasure. But orgasms without ejaculation do not make you tired, and the man does not lose his erection, so the lovemaking can be extended for longer periods of time, so he is not giving anything up by not ejaculating. On the contrary he will gain a great deal more pleasure than he gives up.
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While my boyfriend gives me oral pleasure, my muscles (down there) tighten increasingly until I can't stand it any longer. They release, I feel a sort of 'shiver' and lots of fluids come out. It feels great. I then feel a tingling sensation (that isn’t very pleasurable) and so we have to stop. Is it an orgasm? Why does it feel like this afterwards?
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"Body Pleasure and Relationship – Body Freedom"
(Part 3 of 7)
Fortunately, a mate relationship gives you a perfect arena in which to learn to overcome your negative body conditioning and to celebrate your body’s desires. When you are in a loving relationship, consciously sharing your body with another, you can become more at ease in your skin. Under the adoring gaze and lusty caresses of your mate you can learn to know your beauty from the inside out. A fulfilling sex life assists you to feel beautiful through channels that are both chemical (mood-altering endorphins) and emotional (the intimacy of desire). If you feel beautiful, you are.
As integral aspects of deep connection between lovers, pleasure, touching, and sex gain moral legitimacy and spiritual character in the context of monogamous relationship. Monogamous relationships provide a cocoon of commitment, a safe haven for learning the ways of Body Freedom. Consider, for example, touch as one of the most basic sources of pleasure. Touch isn’t optional for a good relationship, it’s essential. Studies dating back more than fifty years document that without touch human beings do not thrive. Without touch you can become emotionally withdrawn and physically and psychically ill. The absence of pleasure might induce emotional instability, possibly correlated with addiction, and encourage abusive, violent behavior. Relationships give you permission to explore touching in intimate ways that range from tenderly affectionate to passionately sexual. Physical pleasure becomes socially acceptable within the context of a relationship.
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"Loving Body Discovery " Part 2
In the “loving body discovery” exercise, we usually suggest that you do NOT proceed on to intercourse and orgasm. In this way, you can experience what it is like to make love without trying to get anywhere, without having the possibly frustrating experience of wanting an orgasm but not getting one. Ironically, when they remove orgasm as a goal, many lovers report having lots more orgasms. Here surrender and letting go are much more useful—control does not help at all. Remember, control is the enemy of ecstasy.
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