You have indicated that it is possible to delay ejaculation for weeks or even months at a time. You also mentioned that sometime you're having a quickie. So do you ejaculate during the quickies?
ANSWER
No, I do not ejaculate during quickies. I find ejaculation tires me out and almost completely obliterates any remaining libido (sexual desire) and the older you get the more noticeable that effect of ejaculation becomes. That is a pretty high price to pay for a few minutes of pleasure and a few seconds of ejaculatory release.
If you wish to master this, my recommendation is to ejaculate as infrequently as possible, but as soon as your prostates starts to get sore, then you must ejaculate to release the built up pressure and restore comfort and protect the prostate.
If you can’t resist ejaculation during quickies, then my recommendation is don’t indulge yourself in quickies until your mastery over the ejaculation response improves.
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I am 39 and have experienced squirting orgasms for the past 5 months. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and he would say "You can get there" and so we tried like hell ! Fun , and worth it . But now I can have multiple . I have had at least 9 in one night . I could easily go more but I like to give him a rest . Even though he’d never complain . At 1st I thought, “am I peeing ?” But after talking to my doc and having no scent or color , I realize its def not . My question is this . Since I have so many and have on occasion passed out for a few secs , can any harm be done ? I mean , it feels incredible, and after, even though I’m absolutely drained, I’m also giddy and flushed. Can this hurt my insides in anyway? Can it throw off a woman’s body chemistry temporarily? Anything? I guess I’m looking for a green light to go till I fall fast asleep. Lol, but I need to be certain it’s not harming me in anyway .
ANSWER
Hey, go for it girl. Orgasms are good for you. They reduce stress, promote relaxation, and release lots of wonderful happy-mood endorphins into your system. Another product of orgasm is oxytocin "the bonding hormone" — it makes you love the one you're with and want to come back for more.
You might experience discomfort afterward if you are stimulated roughly. Just like rubbing any part of the body over and over again — all that friction can make tissues tender. But vaginal tissues are remarkably elastic and resilient, so that tenderness usually disappears quickly.
In my own experience, multiple orgasms of all kinds, clitoral, ejaculatory, full-body etc. have only ever been beneficial! Now that you can easily have g-spot orgasms, take a look at our ebook "Awakening Women's Orgasm" to find out about even more avenues to pleasure.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year; he is 25 and I am 24. We love each other deeply. We connect emotionally, personally, and physically. We have recognized that one of our challenges is our sexual relationship. We both come from a sexual background where we were the object of most of the attention. We were each spoiled by our respective partners, not that we didn't reciprocate, but it was just more about our needs which in turn satisfied our partners. (Which was perfectly healthy in other relationships).
Not so much in this one. This is not to say that we do not have sex and that it is not good. When we do have sex it can be very bonding as we have mastered the simultaneous orgasm. I think we are lacking in the foreplay/oral area, which is where we were both spoiled previously.
I would happily give more, if I felt like I received back. But once I give I often feel forgotten. He alternately feel that I am selfish because in foreplay I am not trying to bring him to climax, but only make him hard enough for intercourse. Lately we have been defaulting to sex because we can both be satisfied.
But we still feel like there is something missing. What can we do (besides buying your book, which I already plan to do)?
ANSWER
Your lovemaking has become far too mechanical and almost totally goal oriented. Too mechanical means you have learned some good moves which enable you to come to orgasm at the same instant, but this is merely sexual technique. The goal orientation is trying to get to simultaneous orgasm, as if that is all the lovemaking was for. Essentially your lovemaking is now a simple business transaction exchange; “you do this for me and I’ll do that for you.” There is not much room for love and affection in such a transaction.
Drop the goal of getting to orgasm and shift to a pleasure orientation. Focus on giving and receiving pleasure as an expression of your love and affection for each other in the now moment. Otherwise, it is only going to be more of the same, which is great orgasms together, but ending with both of you feeling used, abused, and neglected, with a big hole in the middle of your heart. The only way to replace the hole in your heart is to put a giggle there. What will put a giggle there is when you feel respected, cared for, adored, appreciated and loved.
What brings those wonderful qualities into lovemaking is the foreplay and afterplay, which always includes intimate conversation in which you acknowledge each other, complement each other, express your appreciation for the things you admire about each other, remember past things you did together when you were feeling in love, and planning future things you will do together as lovers enjoying each other’s company as you go through life and grow old together.
Make an effort to give and receive non-sexual affection (including non-sexual touching) and then bring that quality of caring for each other into your lovemaking.
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It didn't really bother me for a while…but it's been a few years now and he still can only cum either on me or on my face. Is it me? I've never had this problem with anyone before and i am starting to think it's a little weird. Is it psychological or emotional?
ANSWER
Sadly, it sounds like your boyfriend has been powerfully conditioned by watching pornography. I am speculating, but would bet more than a dime, that he has spent many a session getting off masturbating while watching porn movies. This practice if prolonged over a period of years, not uncommonly leads to a kind of addiction of the sort that only allows for that person to get satisfaction with the same predictable, but ultimately shallow practice of going for the cum shot, particularly the cum shot to the woman’s face. So, yes it is more than a little weird and I suggest he gets some counseling help. If he refuses this, you might consider moving on and finding a more suitable partner.
We do offer a coaching service you may wish to use.
Al and Pala Sexuality and Relationship Coaching
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I am 64 years old, was married for 38 years, with sex frequency average, but after separation and being celibate for 3 years I resumed my sex life. Now to my amazement I could get erect again 5 minutes after orgasm. This happened about 9 times that first night. I thought it must be because of my long absence of female company, but it’s been 4 years now and this condition repeats. One thing I notice is I don’t ejaculate much sperm. It’s hard to ask friends because they might think I'm full of it and bragging. Any lady friends I have think I’m taking Viagra or something, but I’ve never tried it. I would appreciate your comments on this
ANSWER
You are a fortunate man indeed. I have never heard of such a condition, but it is an enviable one. Men can practice years to be able to do what you are describing.
The usual path to such mastery is to learn how to separate orgasm from ejaculation. By doing this the man is able to have multiple orgasms without ejaculation, and none of these orgasms reduces his ability to continue having erections. It is the ejaculation that depletes a man's physical energy and sexual libido and typically results in a refractory period (the time it takes before he can become erect again), which for most men is much longer than you describe.
Younger men may be able, with effort, to get another erection almost immediately (but it would be rare indeed to be able to repeat such a performance 9 times–in fact you may be the only man alive with this accomplishment (consider putting it in the Guinness Book of Records).
The older a man gets the longer this refractory time takes. For many men it is hours before they can regain erection, and for men in their 60s or older it may be days, depending upon health status (particularly ability to deliver blood supply to the genitals), physical fitness, testosterone levels, etc.
What you are doing, somehow without ever having to learn it, is separating the ejaculation from the orgasm, so there is little or no release of sperm, hence you are able to get errect again immediately, even though you have had orgasm.
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I’m 24 years old and have two kids. During sex I get really wet at the start and mid way through it I’m dry like the desert and it turns my husband off right away. This leads to him asking if I’m cheating on him which i would never do. My question is how do I stay wet the whole time?
ANSWER
There can be a number of reasons why your lubrication vanishes — you say you start out wet, then dry up. These can be physical (for instance after childbirth, due to hormonal changes) They can also be emotional. Are you staying excited? Or, do you lose your desire part way through? Do you kiss, caress, a lot or is it just intercourse? Are you distracted by thoughts? Does your husband help you to have an orgasm with external stimulation (eg oral sex or manual clitoral stimulation) before intercourse?
Read this article on women and orgasm to give you some tips:
"Freeing Female Orgasm". We also have a detailed ebook
"Awakening Women's Orgasm".
Also, lots of sex educators recommend using lubricants during intercourse. It helps to keep things smooth and slippery for both of you. During extended intercourse, with lots of friction of penis on vagina, it's common for some dryness to set in.
Good For Her, a fabulous women's sex store and education center says: "Lubricants are a must! Whether you are looking to increase the slippery slide of sex or masturbation or to relieve vaginal dryness due to menopause, aging, childbirth, medical conditions or other factors - lubes are here to save the day. From underwater adventures to increasing everyday slick sensations, lubricants can make good sex great, and great sex out of this world!"
Some good lubricants are made by; Astroglide, BodyWise, BioGlide, Hathor, JO Women.
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I seem to cum pretty quick as I get pretty turned on. Is there anything I could to do to make myself go for a while?
Free Articles
“Voluntary Ejaculation”
“Simple Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation”
eBook
“Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Multiple Orgasms”
Sometimes it hurts her after a while so she says she likes that its not to long.
She needs better lubrication. Try a good water-based or silicone-based lube. Make sure she has a clitoral orgasm before starting any kind of vaginal penetration. Emphasize (increase) foreplay and deemphasize (decrease) intercourse.
Free Article
“Tantra Sacred Loving Step by Step”
Books
28 Days to Ecstasy for Couples: Tantra Step By Step
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So the male doesn’t ejaculate and the female does, right? And they both move the sexual energies to higher chakras? My girlfriend can’t orgasm so I’m hoping this is right. What does the female do to not get tired after cumming? Does guiding energy upward prevent this or is it the males job to give the proper energy?
ANSWER
The ideal is for the male to make ejaculation voluntary rather than what is so common, that is, premature, before one or both of the lovers is ready for it. This is a problem since ejaculation typically ends the lovemaking, and unfortunately this is almost certainly before the female partner is fully satisfied. Female ejaculation is definitely something women can learn to do.
Both men and woman can have multiple orgasms, but the man must learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation in order to have multiple orgasms. By having an orgasm without ejaculation, the man does not lose his erection or his libido (desire). He stays ready, eager and able to continue on with the lovemaking. Once he can do this the lovemaking can last for hours, rather than the few minutes that is more common.
The key to extending the lovemaking in this way is for both lovers to learn to cultivate (increase) and circulate the hot sexual energy up away from the genitals through the rest of the body. This awakens the higher chakra energy centers and creates the condition necessary for the couple to experience mutual sexual spiritual ecstasy. Both lovers must learn to raise this energy and eventually you can learn to exchange it between you during your coupling.
The responsibility for going to higher spiritual ecstatic states is equal with both lovers. Neither of you can be responsible for the experience the other one has. Your only responsibility to each other is to undertake the disciplined learning necessary to develop sexual skill and mastery of the hot sexual energy.
To help your female partner continue with the lovemaking after a first clitoral orgasm, stop and become completely still, but maintain the lightest possible contact with the clitoris and, say for example, your tongue. Then wait perhaps 30-60 seconds and try to start moving again, but notice carefully her response. If she is ready, go ahead, if not stop and wait again. Repeat until she is ready to proceed. Don’t break the contact or it will be very difficult to continue.
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I never use to have a problem in the past with serious relationships in getting a man to come with oral sex. My boyfriend and I are happily together for over 2½ years. He never like oral until I did it to him because a former girlfriend bit him.
My problem is that I can never get him to come, ever, in all this time we have been together, but he loves oral anyway because of me. He doesn't seem to care because we please each other in other ways. So any suggestions?
ANSWER
Let go of any concern with whether or not your man ejaculates during fellatio. Having a goal of ejaculation is one of the ways to interfere with the natural organic ejaculatory response. Ironically, when you drop the performance expectation of getting to the ejaculation, you will likely discover that he is able to ejaculate more easily, if he wants to.
Beware if you have a belief or assumption that to really please him and satisfy him, he must ejaculate. On the contrary, what most men want is to stay at the height of pleasure longer, not end it with an ejaculation.
Once a man learns about cultivating and moving his hot sexual energy up through his body, he can have multiple orgasms without ejaculating at all. It would be better for your man to learn that than to figure out how to ejaculate, which only makes him tired in exchange for a few seconds of pleasure. But orgasms without ejaculation do not make you tired, and the man does not lose his erection, so the lovemaking can be extended for longer periods of time, so he is not giving anything up by not ejaculating. On the contrary he will gain a great deal more pleasure than he gives up.
Tags:come ejaculate oral sex orgasm pleasure Questions and AnswersPopularity: 5% [?]
I have never had an orgasm. I’ve got off but only orally. Why?
ANSWER
If you've "gotten off" with oral sex then you've definitely had an orgasm. Women can learn to experience many types of orgasms in many parts of their bodies. Orgasms that range from very mild sensations to out-of-this world wild. Orgasms from breast stimulation, orgasms from clitoral stimulation, varieties of vaginal orgasms from manual stimulation or intercourse, whole body orgasms and more. Basically you need to give yourself permission to learn to experience all the sexual pleasure you can and then you need the time to do it. It takes a while for most women to become aroused enough to experience all the orgasms they are capable of.
Because orgasm is something women learn to do, I'd suggest you read this article
Freeing the Female Orgasm. We wrote it for a man’s magazine so it’s from a male point of view, but it has lots of great info.
You may also be interested in our ebook
Awakening Women’s Orgasm. It has lots of fabulous ideas, practices, and exercises to do on your own and with a partner.
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