My husband and I have sex everyday; sometimes 2-3 times a day so that is not the problem. The problem I have is that ever since I had my son 9 months ago, he no longer wants to make love to me. He tells me that we don’t have time and that is why he just takes me from behind. It is always quick; no more then 2-3 minutes, with no holding, touching, kissing or foreplay. I tried talking to him about this and get told to grow up and that I am just lucky we are even having sex. I feel that he is not attracted to me and that’s why it is always only from behind and that he can never look at me or even kiss me. He claims that is what he prefers and it turns him on. Does that really happen or is that just an excuse for him not to look at me, hold me, kiss me and even make love to me?

ANSWER

There is something terribly wrong with your husband’s behavior. I suggest you do not ignore it and do not carry on as if everything were ok. Husbands losing sexual interest in their wives following the birth of a child is unfortunate, but not uncommon. There can be many factors involved.

Consider how things were sexually before the pregnancy and during the pregnancy. Is this really a big change for the worse or was sex somewhat like that even then?

Consider if there may be another woman involved.

Consider if he is perhaps feeling alienated from you because of the massive shift of your focus and attention to caring for the new baby.

Are you breastfeeding? Some men are intimidated, others irrationally jealous that your breasts are no longer just for them.

Let him know you will not accept only making love in the doggy position, him taking you from behind. Let him know you require longer periods of time in foreplay, with lots of kissing, sensual caresses, and words of love, appreciation and endearment. Let him know that you expect lovemaking to last much longer than a few minutes, for example an hour or more, at least!

If he lacks lover’s skills, consider buying some of our books, eBooks, or videos to learn, or attend a weekend Tantra workshop which we offer monthly.

If he is completely stuck, suggest some form of therapy.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

I am married for 16 years and the sex is few and far between. The problem is that I know this guy and I always fantasize about him and me having sex. It feels like we have a connection. He is like a school boy and I a schoolgirl. I don’t want to hurt my family. My daughter is married and gone. My husband is gone all week driving a truck and only home 36 hours and then gone again. What should i do? We both have talked about having a romance and sex with no strings attached. With my husband it is so boring at times.

ANSWER

I could not advise you to start an affair, but here are some considerations. Affairs almost always become known and this means your husband and daughter will almost certainly eventually find out. Consider what will happen when the affair comes to the attention of your husband and daughter. If all you do is think about and imagine how wonderful it will be to have “non-attached” sex, and no one ever finds out, naturally this will seem like an irresistible temptation, but if you also realistically consider the consequences to your marriage if you husband discovers the affair, it may appear in a very different light.

It is a good idea to talk with your husband before you start the affair in order to clarify each other’s needs and wants sexually, time spent together, fidelity, etc., I have never seen open marriage work, but the best chance you have of making multiple sexual partners work is if both you and your husband agree to such an experiment, and then do so only with the other’s knowledge.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

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