Last fall, my wife and I took the Introduction to Tantra course from you and Pala. I have one quick question that I hope you can help me with.

She needs much more foreplay than I do; I fall into the perhaps “typical” male behavior of being ready for sex at any time. She likes slow, grounded touches prior to lovemaking, and these touches are best if done over the course of a day, or at least a period of several hours.  My problem is that the more I touch her, the more I get stimulated. This means I either over stimulate her or end up in discomfort myself. I have worked on breathing as well as the external prostate massage, but don’t think I’m yet all the way there. So, I’m wondering if you have any tips on this situation.

ANSWER

Here are a few things to consider.

1. Beware of the goal orientation in lovemaking. The goal orientation means you are focused on getting somewhere other than where you are, i.e., that is usually to penetration and ultimately to orgasm, typically with ejaculation for the man. This means you would be using everything as a means to an end, in other words, touching her in order to get her turned on so you can get inside. She will know this in ways that are mysterious and unexplainable; you can’t fool her on this. The alternative is to be in the now moment, fully present in what you are doing, for itself, not just as a means to an end. Touching her is all you are doing, not touching her to get her turned on, to get inside her; same with kissing, conversation, dancing, etc.
2. Your other challenge is to gain mastery with the hot sexual energy. The discomfort you are describing is because you have not learned how to move the hot sexual energy up through your body, away from your genitals, particularly the prostate. To successfully move the hot sexual energy you will need many repetitions (e.g., 100 per day), of PC squeezing, i.e., squeezing as if you were stopping the flow of urine. You can use the full passion pump exercise that you learned in the Tantra Introduction Workshop with all the parts including breathing, visualization, PC pump, cranial pump, moving hands up the body, relaxation of the entire body (except for the one muscle you want to squeeze, e.g., the perineum), harmonizing breath with your partner, holding eye contact, etc.
3. Try the internal prostate massage! It is far superior to the external prostate massage through the perineum.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

I like too much anal sex and group sex with my wife, but she doesn’t. What should I do?

ANSWER

Anal sex is a not to everyone’s liking, nor is group sex. Lots of anal sex could turn almost anyone off unless they are really into it, which does not sound like the case with your wife. Same goes for group sex. I could easily imagine your wife is feeling like she is being used as a sexual object. Perhaps you could learn the knowledge and skill of additional lovemaking techniques that would be more pleasing for your wife, and reducing the frequency of anal sex and group sex.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

BDSM Fantasy Play

One of the most common fantasies for men and women is to be blindfolded and tied up. Milder forms of BDSM (bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism) play are entering into the bedrooms of the nation as cultural taboos against the healthy exploration of sexuality among consenting adults drops away. If you find your lovemaking has become predictable or routine, spice it up with a touch of BDSM play.

This material is excerted from our Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions eBook, by Al Link and Pala Copeland

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra