ANSWER

There's no one "right" way to make love. A skilled, knowledgeable lover employs a wide range of practices, from slow and gentle to fast and furious.  That's what helps keep passion and romance alive in a relationship over many years.


You don't have to lose your "rough" side — there's plenty of room for fierceness when you are in the heat of passion. All you need to do is add other elements too.


Here are some suggestions:

Popularity: 10% [?]

ANSWER

I assume you are saying he has difficulty ejaculating when he wants to.

 
Most men would give almost anything to be able to delay ejaculation and thus extend the lovemaking during intercourse for much longer periods of time. On the other hand, not being able to ejaculate when you want to can cause a man much frustration.


One connection that I am aware of is when a man has a long history of watching porn movies as his primary way of getting aroused, he may have difficulty getting aroused with a real woman. Gradually weaning himself away from watching porn and learning to be fully present with a real woman will begin the correction process.


There may also be psychological issues involving early sexual abuse.


There may be issues with you, a particular partner, e.g., if he is simply not turned on by you any longer.


There is also the very common problem of making it a goal to get to orgasm, which for most men means ejaculation, unless they have learned how to have an orgasm without ejaculating. And some women mistakenly assume the man must ejaculate to be fully satisfied, and she can unwittingly put a lot of pressure on the man to ejaculate proving that she was a really good lover to make him come. It would be much more interesting to drop the goal of getting to orgasm (for either the man or woman), and focus on being in the moment, giving and receiving pleasure, while making an emotional heart-open connection in love. Let the climax take care of itself, paying little attention to whether there are orgasms or not.

 
Whatever deeper issue may be involved, if any, almost certainly there is an inability of the man to be fully present with 100% of his attention during the lovemaking. For example, he may not be able to stop himself from thinking about other things, other times, anything not related to the real time lovemaking. If this is the case, almost any meditation practice which teaches him how to keep his mind calm, quiet and still will then solve the problem. In lovemaking it is essential to be in the body, aware of sensual information (the 5 senses), and to have a still mind. There is little or no thought in lovemaking; there is acute awareness, but not thought.


As for sexual techniques, a few tips to enable a man to come faster are these.

• Move faster.

• Breath faster.

• Engage in sexual intercourse position pairing opposite parts of the body, e.g., the woman’s back to the man’s front. These animal positions, such as intercourse from behind, tend to build excitement quickly.

• Some men also love it when the woman is on top moving rapidly up and down.

Popularity: 7% [?]

ANSWER

Your lovemaking has become far too mechanical and almost totally goal oriented. Too mechanical means you have learned some good moves which enable you to come to orgasm at the same instant, but this is merely sexual technique. The goal orientation is trying to get to simultaneous orgasm, as if that is all the lovemaking was for. Essentially your lovemaking is now a simple business transaction exchange; “you do this for me and I’ll do that for you.” There is not much room for love and affection in such a transaction.


Drop the goal of getting to orgasm and shift to a pleasure orientation. Focus on giving and receiving pleasure as an expression of your love and affection for each other in the now moment. Otherwise, it is only going to be more of the same, which is great orgasms together, but ending with both of you feeling used, abused, and neglected, with a big hole in the middle of your heart. The only way to replace the hole in your heart is to put a giggle there. What will put a giggle there is when you feel respected, cared for, adored, appreciated and loved.


What brings those wonderful qualities into lovemaking is the foreplay and afterplay, which always includes intimate conversation in which you acknowledge each other, complement each other, express your appreciation for the things you admire about each other, remember past things you did together when you were feeling in love, and planning future things you will do together as lovers enjoying each other’s company as you go through life and grow old together.
 

Make an effort to give and receive non-sexual affection (including non-sexual touching) and then bring that quality of caring for each other into your lovemaking.

Popularity: 6% [?]

ANSWER

Your first experience of sexual intercourse is a major event in life. We will not discuss the obvious need to protect yourselves from the possibility of pregnancy; rather we assume you will do that and you can find out more about how in many different places on the Internet.

Consider that lovemaking to include sexual intercourse is at once, physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual. The danger is that you only pay attention to the physical aspect as if that were all there was to it. But, because you are asking this question I am confident you will not do that.

The physical aspect is irresistibly immediate and dominant in your attention with no effort on your part at all. Be gentle with each other. Allow for the fact that you will both almost certainly feel shy, awkward and embarrassed. Laugh about the experience, before during and after, but NEVER make fun of each other; your egos will not likely stand up to such seemingly disrespectful behavior. But don’t make it into something grave and heavy, in spite of the fact that it is profound, accompanied by intense feelings, and fraught with danger.

From your question I’m assuming you love each other. Be sure to bring that love into the experience from beginning to end. You can’t tell each other too many times how much you mean to each other. For the male, it is particularly important to remind him, that as soon as he ejaculates he will feel like rolling over and going to sleep, or immediately jumping up to do something else. Doing so would be a big mistake. Take at least as much time talking about how much you love each other and how you plan to spend the rest of your lives together after the sexual intercourse ends as you did building up to the event.

Focus on giving and receiving pleasure, not having any goal of getting to orgasm, or “making it happen” for each other. Try simply to be fully present with each other from moment to moment. The more the experience can be one of giving to each other, rather than taking something, or getting something, the better the experience will be. On the other hand, if you cannot receive each other’s loving attention, the one giving will be deprived of knowing someone accepts their love. Both must give and receive to make the experience fulfilling and complete.

Go very slowly; surely you will not be in a hurry to end this marvelous exploration of each other! No, go much slower than that, even slower still.

Know it takes the young lady much longer to come to full arousal, while the man may be very quick to finish with an ejaculation that happens in just an instant. But it is likely that he will recover his erection quickly and with a repeat performance is likely to last much longer than the first time.
 
Open to the possibility that you may awaken your higher consciousness and touch the realm of God and Godess. Don’t be frightened by this, it is your birthright to remember who you really are, much much more than physical bodies. This is the spiritual dimension of the experience.

Be kind, be gentle, be slow, be fully present, be real, be honest, be emotionally transparent, be vulnerable, be creative.

Popularity: 9% [?]

ANSWER

Here is a simple, but powerful meditation to help you get out of your head but stay in your body and in the moment.

Sensory Information Meditation

Focus directly on the information coming to your awareness through your 5 senses: seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting, and touching. Take in the sensory information directly, but stop short of going on to name what you see, smell, hear, taste and feel (kinesthetic sensation, not emotional feeling, e.g., heat, pressure, weight, friction contact, etc). It would be as if you were an infant and you did not have any names for these sensations.

As soon as you name something, it will be almost instantaneous that your mind will grab hold of it and run along a track of thought, and you will be in your head thinking about something, or worse, worrying about something. As soon as you realize you are thinking, immediately return to taking in the sensory information again; just noticing, just watching, just witnessing the direct sensory information.

Repeatedly pull yourself back again to the sensory information each time you realize you are thinking. Practicing this while not in a lovemaking situation will prepare you for doing this during lovemaking, and you should find that you no longer have erection difficulties.

Al Link and Pala Copeland