October 2, 2009

I find myself wishing he would kiss me by or hug me more

Yes my ex and I are back together after 3 months. Okay I want this to work this time. There were some issues with my ex, my daughters father, the first time my ex told me he was confused. Well I need and want to have a talk with him.


But he works now Monday through Thursdays and I am the mother of a special needs daughter. What bothers me is I know I am shy and why does it seem like I am scared to talk to him. He doesn’t make me uncomfortable, never has. I feel in shock he asked for us to go together again Sunday night but I hate that I won’t say what is on my mind, can't.
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September 7, 2009

I feel like everything is just out of my control

When it comes to relationships, I seem to always want what I cannot have, but once I get what I want, I suddenly do not want it anymore. I am always like this with guys; I will get close to someone I really like and after a couple of weeks I will make up some excuse to push them away or break up with them. I seem to fall in "love" so fast, and when I do I fall hard. Once I am interested in someone they will become like an obsession of mine; I will think about them all of the time and even stalk their Facebook, ha. But one day I will just wake up and that someone is no longer important to me; I will have moved on involuntarily. I feel like everything is just out of my control! Any advice? thank you


 
ANSWER

Like many, many people, you are looking outside yourself for happiness. Although our culture likes to promote the idea that we will become complete when we find our "soulmate", our other half, this is a damaging and erroneous assumption. True, as male and female human beings we are separate halves of an energetic whole. But, on a spiritual level you are already complete. Obviously, a part of you realizes this already — you withdraw from relationships quickly.


If you want to create a wondrous relationship, follow these simple, although not necessarily easy, steps:

 
1. Understand that your happiness can only come from within — nothing and no one outside you can bring you happiness.


2. Think about the kind of relationship you want to create. Very important: focus on the qualities of the relationship you want, not the characteristics of the partner you'd like to have. For instance: "I want a relationship that is fun, loving, and sexually satisfying." Not: "I want a guy with a great sense of humor, who adores me, and is a great lover." When you focus on qualities of the relationship it's very empowering  — then it becomes something you both do together. It's not up to one or the other of you to do it for each other, because that's impossible and always leads to disappointment.
 

3. When you meet someone you want to be involved with, accept him exactly as he is. This doesn't mean he won't want to grow and become the best person he can, with your help, if that's what you agree on. But do not think you can change him or even try to. The only person you can change is yourself.
 

With desire, determination, and self-awareness you can create the relationship you want — one that thrills, stimulates and satisfies you and can last for a lifetime.


One other point; I suggest you look at how you feel about yourself, your self-image. If you hold yourself in low esteem, then it is an easy step to conclude, it this person accepts me, likes me, loves me, etc., there must be something wrong with them, because I know I am not a good person. This could explain why you stop being interested in someone once you "catch" them. If this is part of the problem then work diligently to change your self-image. There are many excellent books on the subject.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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October 28, 2008

How to make a girl I love, love me in return?

How to make a girl I love, love me in return?


ANSWER

Here is an article discussing unrequited love (love given but not returned). You are not alone in suffering from this condition.
 

Here is a search on Google for love spells.

Some of these links may be worth following to find out about using love spells, though we do not use them and can’t recommend that you do. Note, many of these sites are selling a service, and we cannot endorse any such service for a fee. If you can find ideas that you can implement on your own, without having to pay for the information, that may be worthwhile for you to experiment with as a last resort before moving on to find someone else.

Basically, we recommend that you move on to find someone who will return your love. Create a vision of the type of relationship you want, not of the ideal partner, then act when an opportunity arises for you to engage someone in a relationship you would both create together, with mutual love given and received, both ways.

 

 
 
 
 
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September 29, 2008

4 Freedoms Integration Exercise (17): From Here to Eternity

 

 INTEGRATION EXERCISES
Exercises To Do Together

 

FROM HERE TO ETERNITY

Time for Exercise: 15 to 30 minutes

Properties Required:
bed sheet or other large piece of cloth

Steps:
1.One of you lies down as if you were a corpse.

2.Your lover sets the scene with candles and covers you with the black cloth completely from head to toe.

3.Your lover proceeds to say (or read, if it has been prepared in advance) your eulogy.

 

Comments:

Eulogies for the dead are often poignantly beautiful. Wouldn’t you find it interesting to know what your lover would say about you before you die? This exercise can be extraordinarily powerful, if you can allow yourselves to feel the emotion. When your heart is open, this exercise can change how you live forever after (see Looking Back).

 

Excerpted from our new book Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul, by Al Link and Pala Copeland, Llewellyn, 2007

Available at Amazon.com

image001_1.jpg 


Also available as an eBook in pdf for Adobe Reader, prc for MobiPocket, or on CD.

image002.jpg

Check also at Amazon.com, Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying (Paperback) by Ram Dass

 51S498DB85L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-dp-500-arrow,TopRight,45,-64_OU01_AA240_SH20_.jpg

 
 
 
 
 
 
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September 26, 2008

Is this love?

I am divorced and have been now for 2 years after 17 years of marriage. My Ex and I are doing great apart. Anyway I started dating a beautiful, rich and very sexy women, a  friends from HS. We had a blast together and always were trying to spend more and more time together.
 

I told her "I am falling in love with you" and I saw her one more time after that and haven’t seen her now for over 7 months. We have emailed and texted a little. I was so hurt from my divorce and fought so hard to save my marriage that when my girlfriend left I just let her go. I have to ask can I love her still or is this just a broken heart that won’t go away. I have told her that I still think about her and I get nothing back so I just move on trying to forget her. Is this love? What would you do? Tell her or go on?



ANSWER

When it comes to love, sex, commitment, relationship intimacy, marriage, etc. many are afraid. Virtually all adults have experienced a broken heart when a previous relationship has ended. When relationships end they often do so with intense hurt, disappointment, disillusionment, and feelings of being abandoned, deceived, abused, humiliated, etc. Not all relationships end this way, but it seems to be very common. In fact it is an exception that two people can move on to new relationships and still maintain an enduring friendship with the previous partner.

 
That being said, it is understandable that someone might be in an intermediate stage where they are not ready, really ready, for a new relationship. They may be feeling lonely and want some companionship, even sexual contact with a partner, but the idea of getting seriously committed again simply is not something they are ready to consider.


And people can be very confused about all this, for example if they get involved in

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September 24, 2008

I am extremely comfortable with him and sex.

 

I have a hard time looking my husband in the eyes while we have sex. How do I change this? I am extremely comfortable with him and sex so this is a weird thing for me. Any advice?



ANSWER

 

It is quite common for people to have trouble looking into each others eyes. Eyes are the windows to the soul and holding eye contact is a high form of intimacy. To overcome your shyness try this simple exercise.

In a non-sexual setting, sit facing each other comfortably with eyes open. One person sends love and the other receives, for one minute. Do not talk during the exercise. Later reverse the sending and receiving. Then add it to your lovemaking by keeping your eyes open during sex.

 

 
 


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September 19, 2008

4 Freedoms Integration Exercise (14): Mystical Maps

 

 INTEGRATION EXERCISES
Exercises To Do Together

 

MYSTICAL MAPS

Time for Exercise: 15 minutes

Properties Required: none

Steps:

Take turns describing for your lover the qualities or properties of a mystical experience you have had.

What were the properties of time and space?

Was there time travel?

Was there space travel?
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September 17, 2008

4 Freedoms Integration Exercise (13): Seeing in the Dark

 
 INTEGRATION EXERCISES

Exercises To Do Together


 

SEEING IN THE DARK

 
The lights went out. Only then could we see withour our eyes.
Al Link




Time for Exercise: all day and night (short variation: one hour or more)

Properties Required:
blindfold


Steps:

1. One lover puts on a blindfold as soon as she wakes up and keeps it on until the next morning.

2. Her partner, who is not wearing a blindfold, acts as a guide for her when she requests his assistance. Another day he will wear the blindfold.


Variations:

  • Condense the exercise into one hour.
  • Get up and walk through the house in complete darkness in the middle of the night.
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September 12, 2008

I know he loves me

I overheard my boyfriend of 18 months telling a friend that if I should ever dump him he will have no trouble going back to his ex. They had been dating for about nine years and when I met him they had only been apart for about four months although he assured me he was over her and would never go back to her because she had treated him like dirt. When he started dating me however she suddenly told him she wanted him back and will wait for him no matter how long it takes. I know he loves me but could he secretly still want to rather be with her?


 
ANSWER

In matters like this often even the person himself does not know what he wants and feels. It certainly is possible that he would want to reunite with someone he previously spent nine years with, depending upon all of the circumstances. The best you can do is raise the issue with him and openly discuss his feelings and yours as honestly as you can. Share with him your true wants, needs and desires, not holding back to protect yourself if things turn out in a way other than your preference. Ask him to do the same.
 
 

 

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September 11, 2008

4 Freedoms Integration Exercise (11): Vows


 INTEGRATION EXERCISES
Exercises To Do Together
VOWS
 
Greatness, beauty, and creation spring forth from commitment. Saying yes unreservedly to your lover, burning all bridges of escape, giving everything you have, and holding nothing back bring you to the very edge of life unfolding. These affirmations give you the courage to take the leap of faith beyond the familiarity of your ego and over the edge. You fly in glorious freedom. This simple ceremony makes your commitment real and alive. You can feel it. It will feed you with strength in times of need, putting you in touch with your higher self if you surrender and allow it.

Time for Exercise: 10 to 30 minutes

Properties Required:

Nothing is required. Your words spoken with sincerity and deep feeling will be enough, but optional items can add power, excitement, and fun to the exercise, bringing you deeper into the mystery. You might wish to set up a sacred space for your
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