ANSWER

You can't get what you do want if you accept what you don't want. Stop wasting your time with people you don’t care about, and stop wasting their time. It is not fair to either you or them.


Fear of commitment; you definitely have it, but you are not alone in that. Almost everyone who has had a broken heart has the same fear.


Most people desire more than anything else to remain within their emotional comfort zone. We don’t like it to have “bad” feelings of fear, depression, insecurity, pain, hurt, etc. This is understandable, but if you are going to change the way things are, then you can’t continue to act in the same ways you have always acted, you must act in new ways. Almost certainly that will cause you to experience some of those bad feelings and take you out of your emotional comfort zone. The danger is that you will immediately act to feel better, and usually this means doing the same old things you have always done. The challenge is for you to tolerate being temporarily in your emotional discomfort zone, long enough to act in ways that will support creating the new results that you want. Acting in new ways will bring new results, and these new results will bring new “good” feelings of love, happiness, security, pleasure, fulfillment, etc.


The choice is yours, whimp out and stay where your are, or go forward acting in new ways to create a new positive life.

Al Link and Pala Copeland

Popularity: 7% [?]

ANSWER

You may not like the answer, but she has given it to you - she has no feelings for you in the way you want her to. You will be better off if you let go of your desire to make her yours and start looking at other girls.

Here are a number of aspects of the situation for you to think about:

1. She is 13 and you are 17 - 4 years is not a lot of difference when you are 23 and 27, but it is a great big difference at your ages. She is still very young and not really mature enough for a committed relationship.

2. Do you really "love" her, or do you "want" her? Real love makes no demands. It doesn't try to hold on tightly to the loved one. It listens and supports and lets the other person be who, how, and what they want to be and do.

3. Flowers and poetry are wonderful ways to show someone you care. Even more important is truthful communication and explaining your feelings - women of all ages respond to this.

4. If you are really interested in this girl and want what is best for her, just be her friend, without any expectation of something more. I know it is difficult to let go when you are overwhelmed with emotion and desire, but this is the best course of action for both of you.

Al Link and Pala Copeland

Popularity: 6% [?]

ANSWER

This is one of those examples where you must act to support what you want to create, rather than act to stay within your emotional comfort zone. Act from love, not fear. Fear of rejection is a root alright, but it is a very bitter root and leads you nowhere, keeping you stuck where you do not want to be. Opening your heart to love, means acting to be emotionally vulnerable and transparent, i.e., letting someone you care deeply about knowing what is going on inside of you. Of course this opens you up to judgment and rejection, but also opens you up to creating the results that you choose to create. Letting him know that you are in love with him does not guarantee he will choose to pursue a relationship with you, as there certainly are many good reasons we could imagine why he would not want to be in a love relationship with you, not the least of which is his long standing friendship with your father. But keeping this a secret guarantees nothing will happen between you. So, step up to the plate and reveal your true feelings for him and let the chips fall where they may. If the worst happens and he cannot or will not respond in the way you want him to, then you will be free to heal, allowing your pain to dissipate over time, and making it possible for you to get on with creating a relationship with someone who will return your love.

Al Link and Pala Copeland

Popularity: 5% [?]

ANSWER

Get clear within yourself about what you really want. Consider all the people involved in this situation including your wife and children (if you have any), your ex-girlfriend's husband and her children. All of these people are going to be affected by the actions you take. When people have an affair and get caught, their spouse will almost always say, "What hurts me the most is all the lying and deception, the humiliation of it all." Do you really want to do that to her, because inevitably the affair will come to light, your wife will almost certainly find out about it.

Let your wife know you are thinking about an affair, before you actually have the affair. Discuss with her what this means about your marriage. Include her in your decision. Have your ex-girlfriend do the same with her husband.

Hint: you might want to do something else first even before you each talk to your spouses. Ask your ex-girlfriend straight out, what her intentions are and insist on an answer. If she won't answer clearly, stay clear. This could make it unnecessary for you to have the conversation with your wife.

Whichever way you proceed, the most important thing is for you to get clear about your marriage.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Lovers’ Days

Asking your lover for what you want and giving your lover whatever has been requested are two sides of the same coin—a yin/yang balance of receiving/giving, and passive/active pleasure. Just as it is important to learn to freely ask for what pleases you, it is also important to know that you can give unconditionally. This playful practice helps you do just that.

Time for Exercise: two afternoons, evenings, or full days

Properties Required: varies with the play

Popularity: 3% [?]

Flower Power

Painful life experiences can lead you to close your heart like a tender flower that closes its petals against the chill of the night. In this exercise, you learn to consciously open your heart so that you and all around you can share in the heavenly fragrance of its blossom.

Time for Exercise: five minutes

Properties Required: none

Steps:

1.Sit quietly, feet flat on the floor, back straight, shoulders relaxed.

2.Close your eyes, and breathe slowly and deeply.

3.Focus your attention on your feet and their connection to the ground. They are your roots anchoring you firmly and safely to the earth.

Popularity: 2% [?]