ANSWER

No wonder you are confused, but I wouldn't go accusing your partner of fooling around just yet. This sudden onset of extreme tightness may be a condition called "vaginismus". Vaginismus is a spasm in the musculature of the outer third of the vagina which makes insertion difficult or impossible. For some women, this muscle spasm is painful; for others, it is not.


According to the Mount Sinai Hospital (Toronto, Canada) website: "It is widely believed that in most cases of vaginismus, the spasm is triggered either by pain or the anticipation of pain (emotional or physical pain). Much like the way an eyelid closes when something comes to close to the eye or a muscle flinches in response to an imminent punch, vaginismus is like a vaginal flinch.


It is in some sense protecting the area, even though the woman doesn't want it to. Some women have fears or guilt regarding intercourse, others have physical pain problems, and still others have no obvious cause for their condition. One perplexing aspect of vaginismus is that often the spasm remains long after the woman has dealt with any anxieties or physical problems. So learning to control and eliminate this spasm is how one cures vaginismus."


In your partner's case, if she is indeed experiencing vaginismus, it could well have been precipitated by the extra large dildo you played with shortly before her new "tightness" came about, now her vagina may be trying to protect itself.

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I have a question regarding the bleeding after the first time having sex. I had sex for the first time this past Saturday, and it is now Wednesday and I am still bleeding, like I am on my period. My period isn't due till sometime next week. Will this bleeding cease, should I be worried? I know that it's regular for girls to bleed, either for a couple hours or a couple days, but it's been 5 days now. Please help.

ANSWER

Bleeding after first time sex Is normal, as you already know.

Some possible reasons you've continued to bleed for 5 days:

1. your period may have been early

2. you may have torn vaginal tissues

3. you may have an STI.

If this happens again, you should consider seeing your doctor.

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ANSWER

There can be a number of reasons why you aren't experiencing as much lubrication as you like or as you were used to. There's a wide range of "normal" amounts of lubrication. Every woman is different and will experience a range in vaginal lubrication during her lifetime.

1.Harsh soaps or douches can dry tender skin. Don't douche and use only very mild soap for washing externally. Your vagina cleans itself naturally inside.

2.You may be allergic to chemicals in your laundry soap or if you use scented toilet paper, etc. Chlorine in swimming pools can cause dryness and kill helpful bacteria in your vagina so that you might get vaginal infections.

3.You may have a skin condition that is causing your dryness — check with your doctor.

4.Are you dry throughout the whole length of your vagina? Sometimes juices gather at the back of the vagina. If you're lying on your back it may be gathering there. Check with a finger and, if you are wet deep inside, spread some forward and out onto your lips.

5.Make sure you are keeping your whole body hydrated — drink lots of water!

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ANSWER

Sexual interaction isn't just a matter of raging hormones and what your body desires, the emotional aspects are equally important. You seem to have an understanding of that simply by your question — wondering if making out and "dry humping" is appropriate for someone your age.


No matter how far you decide to go sexually, it's imperative that every part of YOU is in agreement. Sexual activity should happen without guilt, without pressure, with a clear understanding of the responsibilities of connecting so intimately with another person. Your mind and your heart as well as your body, should feel like this is something you wholeheartedly want to do. Make sure you communicate very clearly with your partner what you're thinking and feeling.


Understand too, that when you are in the heat of the moment, especially if you are "dry humping" naked or only partially clothed, that it can be overwhelmingly easy to

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ANSWER

Your boyfriend is right in that you probably do have an infection. But, it’s likely an infection in your vagina, not your uterus. There are quite a few types of vaginal infections. Lots of women get one or another of them at some time in their life. Most of these infections are easily treated and cleared up with anti-biotics or other medicines.  And, it is rare that such infections would lead to you not being able to have children.

The most important thing is that you go to a doctor or clinic to get an accurate diagnosis of precisely what type of infection you have.

Right away, you can try using a salt water douche to help ease the discomfort while you are waiting for your doctor appointment.

Here also some websites that you can refer to with more information on vaginal infections.

www.emedicinehealth.com

http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/vaginal_infections.html

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ANSWER

It's very common for sex lives to undergo dramatic changes for a while after a new baby arrives. There are a lot of factors affecting you, among them: lack of sleep, hormonal changes (affecting you physically and emotionally), and focusing loving attention on your baby.

If you want to keep passion alive in your relationship you need to schedule time for each other. Once a week arrange a "date" with your partner, and arrange for someone else to care for the baby for several hours. Try to come to this session as rested as possible. Think quality of sex, not quantity. One good lovemaking session a week will keep you looking forward to more and it will make you more inclined to participate in quickies when you have the chance.

Also arrange to have a little time for yourself, for pampering — bubble baths, meditation time, facials, and so on will help you relax and feel better about yourself. Wear sensuous clothes. Put lotion on your body with care and love. Remember that men are very turned on by how turned on their partner is, so instead of worrying about how you look, focus on how much you love him and want to be close to him.

Talk to each other about your feelings and your desires. Sexy, playful talk can keep things spicy, even if you don't have lots of time for action.

Keeping the sexual fires going can be a big challenge at first, but it's well worth the effort.

Our article: Freeing the Female Orgasm has some info that may help you and your partner

Consider also our ebook Awakening Women's Orgasm
 

You might also want to check out this book:

Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I Found My Lost Libido by Heather Raykeil

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ANSWER

Women have a great deal of erectile tissue in their genitals (as much as men in fact, but most of it is inside). During lovemaking all this tissue becomes engorged with blood and swells. Externally the clitoris engorged and you may also notice changes in your inner and outer labia. Inside, the vaginal canal thickens and engorges and the vagina expands, especially if you are highly aroused.

The vagina can also become swollen after sex, particularly if you are making love for a long time and are quite vigorous during all kinds of vaginal penetration. It's like rubbing any part of your body for a long time, there will be a reaction. Make sure you are well lubricated. This helps cut down some of the friction that can cause irritation.

If the swelling and stinging when you pee only last a little while then there shouldn't be much cause for concern. If they persist (last more than a day) you might want to check with your doctor to make sure you don't have some sort of infection.

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ANSWER

Yes, rough sex with someone with a very large penis can affect you internally.


Here are some suggestions:

Make sure you are very aroused before you have intercourse, especially for deep penetration with strong thrusting. When a woman is very excited her vagina expands — it's quite elastic.


Try positions that don't give such deep penetration.

•  When he's on top, keep your hips flat on the bed,  and your legs closer together.

• Lying on your sides facing each other, or from behind, can also cut down on depth of penetration. If your legs are tight together he won't be able to go as deep inside you, but the pressure of your legs as his penis slides between them will give him lots of sensation along his length.

• Use woman on top positions — that way you can control the speed, angle and depth of thrusts.

• Experiment with different types of thrusting — it's not all about rapid, deep in and out. Try going slowly, try "screwing" (either of both of you circling your hips, try the shallow/deep thrusting technique explained below. Ask him to make the deep thrust a very slow one so that he doesn't hurt you.

Shallow/Deep Thrusts
 

The essence of this thrusting technique is to go nine shallow and one deep. The one deep thrust, besides varying sensory stimulation, forces the air out of the vagina. This creates a vacuum inside the vagina with the nine shallow thrusts which follow.


The man never withdraws his penis completely: this would break the vacuum seal. Rather, he hovers at the outermost inches of the vagina which are covered with a dense set of nerves. The nine shallow, one deep rhythm is delightful for a woman. The vacuum has tremendous effect: she feels empty then full, empty then full. Shallow thrusts stimulate the plexus of nerves by the G spot. This point connects a vast network of nerves in the sexual organs with the rest of her body.


It works well for men, because thrusting shallowly does not cause the same intensity as deep thrusting and consequently the man is able to resist ejaculation.

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ANSWER

Some women bleed when they first have intercourse, but not all. The reason is that the hymen, the membrane of skin at the entrance to the vagina which varies in thickness from woman to woman, can easily be broken in other ways. Vigorous exercise and inserting menstrual tampons are two of the most common ways the hymen breaks before intercourse.

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I hadn’t had sex in 7 years and when I did the first time I had a small amount of blood. The second time a week later, there was a lot of blood evidently during and after, but tapered to nothing the next day.  I am worried about this.  Could u please answer?  Thank you.

 
ANSWER

There can be any number of reasons why you are experiencing vaginal bleeding after intercourse.


You don't say how old you are, but if you are menopausal and haven't had intercourse or vaginal penetration for 7 years it could simply be a matter of vaginal tissues becoming thin and dry and easily damaged (especially if intercourse is vigorous and prolonged). Make sure you are very well-lubricated for intercourse. There are many good quality organic lubricants available to add to your own body's natural lubricant, I suggest brands like Pink Silicone, JO Women, Capotain's, Hathor.
 

Also, if you haven't been doing them, start doing PC squeezes (Kegel) exercises every day, no matter what your age. They help keep vaginal muscles and tissues supple and strong. See below for instructions, in case you aren't sure how to do them.
 

You might also want to start using a vaginal exerciser. These are objects such as egg-shapes, wand shapes that are inserted into the vagina and used to help your vagina stay strong and healthy and used to penetration (or become so). To give you an idea, you can see a selection of these at this great women's shop Good For Her.
 

Besides lack of use and/or aging, you could have other physical causes for the bleeding, such as polyps. I'd suggest you see a doctor for a gynecological exam right away.
 

I wish you all the best and hope you're enjoying your rediscovered sexual life. There's an article we've written about women and orgasm that might interest you   as well as an ebook on the same subject

 

The PC Pump

The pelvic floor muscles surround the anus, genitals, and urethra and provide support for the reproductive organs.


The PC or pubococcygeous muscle (pronounced pew-bo-cox-e-g-us) is part of this muscle group. At first when you are practicing the PC Pump you may involuntarily contract the abdominal muscles and the anus, too, because you are unable to differentiate between the muscles. But with practice you can detect and isolate the PC muscle while allowing other muscles to stay relaxed. You will be able to isolate and move the many different muscles within your entire genital area.  Keeping all the muscles surrounding your internal organs toned and tight helps prevent fallen organs. It helps relax you. Practicing it while making love it will greatly heighten sensation for both you and your partner.

 

Pulsing:


1.Inhale, contracting the PC muscle, keeping the rest of your body relaxed, especially your shoulders.

2.As you hold your breath, relax and then tighten the PC muscle in quick, short pulsations.

3.Exhale and relax the PC muscle.

4.Repeat for several minutes using your natural rhythm of breathing, so that you get a feeling that your muscles are fluttering. Do this 25-30 times a day and work up to 200 per day.


Pumping:


1.Tighten the PC muscle as you inhale and hold for the count of six seconds.

2.Exhale, relax the PC muscle and gently bear down.

3.Repeat this sequence for several minutes.


 

The Elevator:
 

This exercise includes more of the muscles in the whole muscle group.

1.While sitting or lying on your back, take a deep breath and pretend you are riding an elevator.

2.Start in at the bottom floor with an anal contraction, move forward along the muscles, tightening up individual  muscles until you reach the “top” floor.

3.Then gradually relax the muscles, “floor by floor”, until you return to the bottom floor.

4.Repeat this trip 6 times, 3 times a day.

 

As with any exercise we need to develop a regular habit of giving our PC muscles a work-out. So to begin with, consciously set aside a time of day to do these: in the morning as you shower, on the bus as you travel to school or work, as part of your regular exercise routine (if you have one). Soon it will be something you’ll automatically begin to do anytime. You can do these anywhere and no one can tell!

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