With female ejaculation, we can’t predict when it’s going to happen and it’s always when my partner is using his fingers. Can you explain this and is there a way that we can make this something we can do when we want to rather than a surprise?

ANSWER

Here’s some things to consider about female ejaculation. The most important elements are: arousal, hydration, muscle control and pelvic tilt.

It’s easier to have an ejaculation when you are very excited, well hydrated and with your pelvis tilted forward.

Practice your PC squeezes a lot. Focus not only on squeezing, but pushing out, using your ab muscles as well as those in your vagina.

Ejaculation with finger stimulation is usually one of the easiest ways for women as they are learning this practice. Pay particular attention to the sensations you feel when you do ejaculate. Can you recall what happened and how you felt just before? When he is stimulating you with his fingers, tilt your pelvis up and push down and out with abs and vaginal muscles.

For ejaculation during intercourse, try with woman on top. When you are very excited, use thrusting patterns that tilt your pelvis vigorously back, then forward. On the forward thrust, endeavor to envelop Jim’s penis very deeply inside and push down with your abs and vaginal muscles.

Have fun practicing!

We’ll have a video out at the beginning of November that teaches about female ejaculation. Check back with our website then.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

I used to be able to have an orgasm on command and now that I am with my new partner who I have an intense spiritual connection with I cannot have an orgasm.  I feel like I am having multiple little orgasms all of the time when I touch him and when he touches me; It feels like I am having a whole body orgasm. I feel it throughout my whole body and it is continuous.  However, because I am tingly and numb throughout my whole body all of the time including in the genital area, I can’t seem to ejaculate.  My partner feels like my twin and I have never felt this way towards anyone; we can’t get enough of each other, we can’t get close enough and it is like we do not feel right without touching each other.  We could spend hours just touching each other and enjoying each other.  Neither of us have experienced this before.  What I am wondering is if it is possible to have a whole body orgasm and experience ejaculation because I kind of miss the ejaculation?

ANSWER

How wonderful for you, it sounds as though you’ve found an amazing partner.

Your description is very much of full body orgasm that stems from high sexual energy charge — extremely pleasurable but different from the intensity of a genitally focused sexual tension release orgasm (which may or may not be accompanied by ejaculation).

You can have full body orgasm and still ejaculate, because ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing (this is true for men too). They often happen very closely together, but you can separate them.

A brief instruction on how to ejaculate:

1. Make sure you are very hydrated (drink lots of water before lovemaking)

2. Make sure you are very aroused

3. Stimulate the g-spot – with fingers, dildo, penis

3. Tilt your pelvis forward, push down with your vaginal muscles and your stomach muscles.

That’s it. Good luck, Pala

PS We’re producing a video on female ejaculation and how to do it – It will be ready in early November. So, in November check our www.tantra-sex.com website for details on how get a copy.

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My boyfriend and I have been together about 3 months and are deeply in love. We have not missed one night of making love.  I think for both of it’s the best love making we have ever experienced! Usually I have at least 2 orgasms, sometimes 3 if i get the vaginal one which is the hardest to get. But as we have gotten to know each other’s bodies, it seems to come naturally. After we are done I sometimes go into a trembling state almost like I am still having a long orgasm; as long as he holds me and we are reflecting so to speak, it’s like so intense. I’m in my 40′s and never experienced anything like this. What is it, or is it in my head. Should I just enjoy and not wonder? But I am just curious. The feeling is awesome, like as long as he is holding me it continues for up to 10 or 15 minutes. Any ideas?

ANSWER

How fabulous for you both. It sounds to me like you’re experiencing extended whole-body orgasm from the movement of sexual energy through your body.

This is good, natural and something that people have been consciously practicing to do for several thousand years in the Tantric (from India) and Taoist (from China) sacred sex traditions.

With lots of lovemaking and intense heart connection you’ve built a high sexual charge and, as you lie connected in your lover’s arms, this energy is moving through your system bringing intense pleasure. If you want to, you can continue to explore this wonderful occurrence and begin to work with the sexual energy in a conscious way. The benefits are huge.

Your partner can learn to build and work with his sexual energy too. The delightful experience you’ve discovered can be just the beginning of a lifelong journey of passion, pleasure, and continued intimacy.

We have lots of resources at our website www.tantra-sex.com

There are articles about sacred sex . We’ve got lots of ebooks on the subject too.

We’ve written books that you can find on amazon.  And we’ve produced a DVD about Tantric Sex.

We offer workshops for couples to teach them how to cultivate and share their sexual energy.

We also have a membership site that features lots of videos, audios, and articles about sacred sex practices and how to work with your sexual energy: www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

Congratulations on your discovery and much joy in your continued unfolding of love.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

Mind the ‘orgasm gap’
by Francine Kopun, Article Source: www.thestar.com

U.S. sex survey reveals tepid teens, eager seniors, and raises questions about ‘faking’

A large sex survey of Americans has found that most women don’t reach orgasm when they have sex, even if their partners think they do.

About 85 per cent of the men in the survey of 5,865 people between the ages of 14 and 94 said their partner had an orgasm during their most recent sexual encounter. Only 64 per cent of women reported reaching orgasm.

“It’s unclear what that orgasm gap is, whether that many women are faking — are pretending to have an orgasm — or not,” says Debby Herbenick, associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, and one of the authors of the report. “I think both sexes really need to better communicate about sex.”

The study also found that fewer teenagers are having sex than one might think, and that people in their 80s are engaging in a variety of sexual activities, including masturbation.

Among the 50 women over 80 in the study, 100 per cent reported having masturbated with a partner within the past year, according to Herbenick. Some of the women were married, some were widowed, some had romantic partners or “friends with benefits.”

“It showed that for some people sexual activity can occur throughout life, and there’s not a pure stopping point, just like there’s not a pure starting point,” said Herbenick.

She pointed out that it’s important to be careful about data with the small numbers of people over 80 in the statistical survey.

“It’s like seeing on TV an 80-year-old who finishing their first marathon. That’s great for that 80-year-old, but does that mean that every 80-year-old should take up running? I think the same is true for sex. For so many people, stopping or slowing down sexually is actually a nice part of aging for them,” said Herbenick.

Among the study’s other findings:

• About 40 per cent of women aged 20 to 49 and of men aged 25 to 59 have had anal sex.
• More than 80 per cent of women and 85 per cent of men had received oral sex, but in the past year, more than half of women and men aged 18 to 49 engaged in oral sex.
• Women over 50 were more likely to reach orgasm when having sex with a new acquaintance.
• Although uncommon among 14- to 15-year-olds, in the past year 18.3 per cent of 16- to 17-year-old males and 22.4 per cent of 16- to 17-year-old females performed oral sex with an other-sex partner.
• Partnered sexual behaviour was reported by fewer than 50 per cent of adolescent participants even at age 17. For example, 40 per cent of 17-year-old males reported intercourse in the past year, but only 27 per cent reported intercourse in the past 90 days, indicating they have had sex, but aren’t having it on a regular basis.

Visit: www.thestar.com

I have a doubt regarding sex with my husband. Is it true that when couples participate in sex for the first time there will be bleeding? I have participated with my husband and I didn’t get any bleeding, but had severe pain.

ANSWER

Thanks for your question. Although bleeding during first-time intercourse has generally been taken as a sign of virginity, many virgins DO NOT bleed the first time they have intercourse.

The hymen, the very thin membrane of tissue that blocks the vagina, can be broken many, many other ways. For instance, through strenuous exercise, through insertion of tampons, through doctor’s explorations, by inserting anything in the vagina – a finger for example during foreplay of lovemaking. So neither you nor your husband should be concerned that you did not bleed.

The pain you experienced is not unusual either, but you don’t have to have pain with sex. In fact you can have a great deal of pleasure. Pain can be caused for a number of reasons: your husband’s penis might be much larger than your vagina; you could have an infection of some kind; but the most common cause of painful intercourse is that the woman is not ready for it.  In order for the vagina to be ready for penetration, to be very wet with natural lubricants and expanded and relaxed, a woman must be highly aroused. She must be very sexually excited. This generally means she needs lots of foreplay: kissing, caressing, stroking all over her body, words of love and endearment, some external genital stimulation (with mouth or fingers).

You can get some tips for sexual pleasure for women from this free article “Freeing the Female Orgasm”.

And our ebook ( Awakening Women’s Orgasm ~ $9.95) gives you lots and lots of details.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

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Please I would like to know about women’s orgasm. What is a woman’s G-spot? How will I know when a man is touching it and how will a man find his woman’s G-spot? What can one do to have the best orgasm?

ANSWER

Women can have many types of orgasms.

Here are two:

1.  orgasm through stimulation of her clitoris – this is the easiest way for most women to reach orgasm, either with stimulation from fingers, tongue or a vibrator.

2. orgasm through g-spot stimulation – the g-spot is a fleshly spot on the upper inside wall of the vagina, about 1 ½ to 2 inches back from the opening. When a woman becomes highly aroused, very sexually excited, the g-spot becomes engorged and sensitive to touch. Lightly rubbing or stroking this spot can lead her to an orgasm. She may also ejaculate (sending a clear fluid out through her urethra when this spot is stimulated).

The most important thing to remember is that for a woman to reach orgasm she needs to be very aroused. That usually means spending lots of time whispering wonderful words into her ears and kissing and caressing other parts of her body before you touch her clitoris or her vagina. You’ll know when she’s ready for you to touch her vagina when she is breathing really hard, her nipples are erect, and her vagina is wet. She may also be making sounds and wiggling her body. You can always ask if it’s okay to touch her, women love to be asked.

Here’s a free article we wrote that will give you more information about women and orgasm. It’s called “Freeing the Female Orgasm”

You might also want to buy our ebook “Awakening Women’s Orgasm”. It has lots and lots of great information for only $9.95

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

ANSWER

You’ve raised a very strong point here. One that you need to look carefully at if you want to have a relationship that satisfies you on all levels.

If you have emotional connection, but the sexual connection doesn’t work, what does that suggest to you? Is it a matter of you trying to help them break through barriers of sexual exploration or are you choosing men who can open their hearts but not their bodies?

Many men do have fears about sex, especially with a woman who is confident and eager. How can they keep up? Will they be able to satisfy her? After all, a woman can keep going and going, but a man wears out, unless he has learned sexual mastery. The expectation that he has to give a performance, even if it’s an unspoken expectation, can be a real libido killer. It’s easier to just stay in the same safe place.

You might suggest exploring Tantric sex practices. They focus not on the goal of orgasm but on connection on all levels — sex that has no performance demands, but instead focuses on union through pleasure. Lovemaking may be slow and gentle or wild and fast but always it is about the connection between the partners. This lets go of expectations for both of you. Just as women can sense when a man is only concentrated on getting to intercourse when he is engaging in any kind of foreplay, men can sense when a woman is figuring it’s up to him to make the sex great; he has to have skill and stamina.

Some specific suggestions, check out our articles section, read them together.  Particularly, How to Make Love For Hours , How To Give Her More Than She Can Handle, Freeing The Female Orgasm.

Attending a workshop would be even better. We have great couples’ weekends at our place near Ottawa, Canada, but depending on your location there are lots of good teachers out there. Check www.tantra.com for teachers and workshops worldwide. Suggest a workshop as a way to make your connection stronger on all levels, not as a way to make your man open up sexually to be a better lover.

Another issue could be if your man has beliefs and assumptions, perhaps subconscious, that his spouse/wife/life partner cannot be highly sexual. This is the classic Madonna/whore split. Many men, and many women, hold the belief that a woman can’t be both good and sexy, only one or the other and act accordingly. Have a conversation with him and explore the beliefs about this that both of you have. Once such beliefs are revealed you can change them. You change them by taking action. In this case action requires sexual exploration in spite of any emotional discomfort this may bring up.

A common spiritual pitfall is to always act to feel emotionally comfortable; to remain in your emotional comfort zone, but unfortunately this keeps you stuck where you are. Almost certainly, to move into new territory, e.g., in this case, integrating being highly sexual and also be great life partners at the same time, will require that you act in spite of your conditioned emotional discomfort. Doing so will change your rigid beliefs and free you to go to a higher level together.

Al Link and Pala Copeland

Image Source: www.awakaspolimas.com

ANSWER

You are absolutely perfectly normal. And hey isn’t it wonderful that you are able to have orgasms?

First off, ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing, for women or for men. We equate them in our minds because they often happen very closely together–almost always for men unless they have learned ejaculation mastery, and sometimes for women.

Just as orgasm is something you as a woman learn to do, so is ejaculation. Here are some tips:

A woman’s ejaculate (a very clear, watery fluid) is manufactured in the para-urethral glands on the upper wall of the vagina, in the area we think of as the g-spot. In order for this fluid to develop make sure you drink lots of water, especially before you’re going to make love. Also you need to be very, very aroused, so that the tissues swell and the fluid develops. When you are very aroused, and the fluid is developing, you may have a feeling like you are going to pee, but don’t worry you won’t. Relax. To assist an ejaculation, push down with your abdominal muscles and with the walls of your vagina. You need to get strong vaginal muscles by doing exercises (you may know them as kegels).  Also to help expel the ejaculate, tip your pelvis forward as you bear down. You may try stimulating your clitoris, anus, and the walls of your vagina as you push.

We are in the midst of producing a home study video on Female Ejaculation, it will be ready by the summer, check our www.tantra-sex.com site for news. Until then, you can get lots of great pointers about orgasm from our ebook Awakening Women’s Orgasm. Also there’s a great ebook for men, telling them how to separate orgasm from ejaculation so that they too can become multi-orgasmic. It’s at www.tantra-sex.com

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ANSWER

The problem you describe, of having difficulty ejaculating when you want to, is much less common than the problem of ejaculating before you are ready, but many men do suffer from this situation.

Ironically, the cause for both is likely to be the same. Let me explain.

Most men want to be good lovers and lots of men want to be great lovers. This is a good thing, but can have some undesirable consequences depending upon how a man pursues his goal. In fact, that is the problem and the common source for both premature ejaculation and not being able to ejaculate even when you are ready to do so, i.e., turning lovemaking into a goal oriented project.

Setting goals and implementing strategies to accomplish them is a useful thing to do. A man can certainly use this method to accomplish many worthwhile things in life, but great lovemaking is not one of them!
The mistake men make is to have getting to orgasm as the goal of their lovemaking, and beyond that, to have both partners climax at the same instant is the big jackpot. If they have any success in this, then getting to orgasm, simultaneous climax for both lovers, becomes a way to keep score, and when you get to orgasm in this way, presumably you have evidence, proof, that you are a really great lover. Then you try to remember what you did, and repeat those steps (i.e., apply a strategy), to get the same result as before. This is a performance.

But it does not take long before performance anxiety sets in. The man becomes so focused on getting somewhere, i.e., to the goal of orgasm, that he loses touch with the present moment. Each act is reduced to being a means to an end, in other words, to get to the next step, to get somewhere other than where you are, to get to a future place, a future outcome, a future goal. Nothing along the way has particular value, as its primary function is not what it is, but where it will get you to. This is all in the head, not in the body. So in this way the man is out of touch with his body, and this is not good for lovemaking. For great lovemaking you must be in your body, not in your head.

The way to be in your body is to pay attention to sensory information. That is, direct sensory information, e.g., seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching, not naming the things that you see, and hear, and smell, etc., and not thinking about them, but rather, just experiencing them directly using the senses of your body. This brings you instantly into the now moment, and thinking becomes still, calm, irrelevant.

If you can drop the goal of getting to orgasm, then no performance is required. There is nowhere to get to, you are no longer touching her in a certain way in order to turn her on, or in order to turn yourself on, or in order to get to ejaculation, you are simply touching her, and you are paying complete attention to that touch, feeling it, not thinking about it, not naming what you are doing, just being in the touch. The same is true for her touching you. In this way each taste, each touch, each caress, each connection of the eyes, each breath, etc., retains its perfect richness, quality, meaning, and value.

There is no performance anxiety in this, and when all the performance anxiety drops away, men discover that they can delay ejaculation if that is what they choose, or they can ejaculate if that is what they choose. Then ejaculation becomes a completely natural, organic, voluntary  response, not something you have to work hard to either avoid or achieve. This is how a man gains mastery of his ejaculation response.

Our eBook, Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Sexual Mastery is a complete course for helping men learn ejaculation mastery.

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ANSWER

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Women can experience all kinds of orgasms, from clitoral orgasm, to orgasm during intercourse, to full-body orgasms and more. Although your body has the potential for all these experiences, you must LEARN how. Orgasms are something we learn to have. According to lots of studies more than 50% of women do not experience orgasm during intercourse, especially without clitoral stimulation at the same time. However, if you want to you can learn!
For starters, read this article we wrote for Urban Male Magazine, “Freeing the Female Orgasm”

You might also want to get our ebook “Awakening Women’s Orgasm“ which goes into great detail about how to learn to become fully orgasmic.

Enjoy your quest for many types of orgasm, have fun exploring together. It’s a great journey to be on!

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com