I am a female age 34 and nothing ever comes out when I have an orgasm. Is this normal? Do I not let myself finish? My husband thinks he doesn’t satisfy me because nothing comes out when we are making love, or with a vibrator.
ANSWER
You are absolutely perfectly normal. And hey isn't it wonderful that you are able to have orgasms?
First off, ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing, for women or for men. We equate them in our minds because they often happen very closely together–almost always for men unless they have learned ejaculation mastery, and sometimes for women.
Just as orgasm is something you as a woman learn to do, so is ejaculation. Here are some tips:
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I have never had an orgasm with intercourse, is there something wrong with me? Is it my husband’s fault? We have to use a vibrator every time and I feel he’s tired of it. What can we do?
ANSWER
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Women can experience all kinds of orgasms, from clitoral orgasm, to orgasm during intercourse, to full-body orgasms and more. Although your body has the potential for all these experiences, you must LEARN how. Orgasms are something we learn to have. According to lots of studies more than 50% of women do not experience orgasm during intercourse, especially without clitoral stimulation at the same time. However, if you want to you can learn!
For starters, read this article we wrote for Urban Male Magazine, "Freeing the Female Orgasm"
You might also want to get our ebook "Awakening Women's Orgasm" which goes into great detail about how to learn to become fully orgasmic.
Read all about it here: www.tantra-sex.com
Enjoy your quest for many types of orgasm, have fun exploring together. It's a great journey to be on!
Al Link and Pala Copeland
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I really could you your advice. I'm stuck, and not feeling worthy right now, especially when he has helped me open up my goddess in me. I want to help him. I've tried to discuss this once only that I do understand because of loneliness I'm just worried. I'm very frustrated, also sad, but I am very much in love with my boyfriend. I'm 49 years old and my partner is 50… He has not been in very many long term relationships, longest one has been 8 months; for myself I was married for many years then divorced because of a unhealthy relationship. My second relationship lasted almost 10 years then my boyfriend died in 2006. I met my new man in April of this year. we have great chemistry, laughing, spirituality, cry together, loving, enjoy Tantra which he introduced me to.
We love the intimacy it brings us. I could go on, but I need to ask this question. He told me he used to masturbate allot, and give himself many orgasms. That's cool, I have too. But I think he is addicted to masturbating. I asked him if he still does and he was open and honest about it. He says not anymore, I truly want to believe him but research from what little I found was that a man gets a high from doing it himself, he has let himself go into me once after 6 months the other times we go a very long time making love because of the Tantra we can both stop the ejaculation process (I Know that's great) but he can't ejaculate
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I’m embarrassed to ask anyone this. I have known my boyfriend for 6 months now and we had sex for the first time 3 weeks ago. It was my very first time because I was a virgin and it hurt soooo bad. We didn't go all the way because I couldn't take it. I expected that but we had sex again and it still hurt like hell and this time he went all the way. Last week we had sex again and I thought that since it’s been a week it won't hurt but it still did. I can't stand the pain and I hate that I can't make him happy. I'm 21 and I don’t want to be a virgin forever. He says he understands when i say it hurt but i think his patience is wearing out. So we decided on oral sex and I was so nervous I almost bit him. It was terrible and I feel worse when he says it’s okay. How long is it going to be until I start enjoying sex? I had sex 5 times now and it still hurts so bad I scream. I told him to just force me, like kinda just do it, but that didn’t help. My boyfriend says he likes me that’s why he waited for 4 months till I was ready and now that I am we can't enjoy sex. I am embarrassed and frustrated. Please advise me what to do because I'm about to break up with him. I know he is trying to be patient but he also has sexual needs after all.
ANSWER
There can be a number of reasons why you aren't enjoying sex. Here are some suggestions.
First, are you very excited and very aroused before you try intercourse? Is your vagina very wet and slippery and hot? Are you relaxed throughout your body? If you are not, if you are tense and if your vagina is dry, intercourse will not be pleasant. Be sure you feel good in everyway about having sex — emotionally, mentally, and physically. Definitely engage in lots of foreplay — lots of kissing and touching and caressing before you even think about penetration. Ideally you should really, really want him inside you before he tries. You can also use lubricant to help him slide inside more easily.
Here's an article for both you and your boyfriend to read about arousal for women (Freeing the Female Orgasm)
Also our ebook, Awakening Women's Orgasm, has a lot of great information
Second, is your boyfriend's penis quite large compared to the size of your vagina? If he's really big and you are really small this can cause difficulty. He has to be very gentle and take his time and go only in a little bit by bit.
Third, you might have a condition called vaginismus, which makes penetration very painful. "Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse." Vaginismus can have both physiological and psychological causes. Refer to these sites for more information: wikipedia.org and www.vaginismus.com/
If you persevere, you'll find the answers to your dilemma. Don't give up. Sex can be a most glorious part of life.
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I am 39 and have experienced squirting orgasms for the past 5 months. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and he would say "You can get there" and so we tried like hell ! Fun , and worth it . But now I can have multiple . I have had at least 9 in one night . I could easily go more but I like to give him a rest . Even though he’d never complain . At 1st I thought, “am I peeing ?” But after talking to my doc and having no scent or color , I realize its def not . My question is this . Since I have so many and have on occasion passed out for a few secs , can any harm be done ? I mean , it feels incredible, and after, even though I’m absolutely drained, I’m also giddy and flushed. Can this hurt my insides in anyway? Can it throw off a woman’s body chemistry temporarily? Anything? I guess I’m looking for a green light to go till I fall fast asleep. Lol, but I need to be certain it’s not harming me in anyway .
ANSWER
Hey, go for it girl. Orgasms are good for you. They reduce stress, promote relaxation, and release lots of wonderful happy-mood endorphins into your system. Another product of orgasm is oxytocin "the bonding hormone" — it makes you love the one you're with and want to come back for more.
You might experience discomfort afterward if you are stimulated roughly. Just like rubbing any part of the body over and over again — all that friction can make tissues tender. But vaginal tissues are remarkably elastic and resilient, so that tenderness usually disappears quickly.
In my own experience, multiple orgasms of all kinds, clitoral, ejaculatory, full-body etc. have only ever been beneficial! Now that you can easily have g-spot orgasms, take a look at our ebook "Awakening Women's Orgasm" to find out about even more avenues to pleasure.
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I’ve been in a 3 and a half year relationship and I cannot orgasm! It’s so damn frustrating cause my boyfriend feels like he’s not satisfying me enough or that he sucks in bed but that’s not true; he’s amazing. We have tried all types of positions and lubricants and toys. Nothing makes the magic happen.
ANSWER
You are trying too hard and have become goal oriented in your lovemaking, a common trap many lovers fall into. The goal orientation to lovemaking means you are trying to get to orgasm. Some couples make it that they try to get to orgasm at the same instant so they come together. This is understandable, but most unfortunate as there can be many complications for both men and women if they take this approach, e.g., many women find they cannot orgasm at all while many men begin to suffer from erectile dysfunction (inability to get and keep an erection), and premature ejaculation (quick ejaculations before they or their partner are ready for it).
The solution to this is to reframe your lovemaking so that it become all about pleasure in the immediate moment. The only thing you are doing is giving and receiving pleasure. Open fully to experience the extraordinary pleasure you can receive through your 5 senses of taste, touch, hear, see and smell. In this approach there is no goal, nowhere to get to, no desired outcome (for example, you are not trying to get to orgasm). You stop trying to get to orgasm and let orgasm take care of itself, which it will do. Orgasm will then become a natural organic response that any healthy body has once your arousal and pleasure threshold is reached.
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I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend. I've noticed since the very first time we had sex, his penis would shrink. It's weird because I don't think it's suppose to shrink while in the act. My question is: What's wrong with the shrinkage of his penis during sexual intercourse?
ANSWER
Most likely he is suffering from performance anxiety. This usually means that the man feels responsible for satisfying his woman and he becomes so preoccupied with thinking about that, he goes out of his body into his head and loses his erection. You must let him know that you are responsible for your own pleasure and orgasmic response, not him. This does not mean he is irrelevant, but only that he can’t do it for you. He can’t make you come. He can’t make you orgasmic, only you, the female, can do that for yourself. Of course it helps if he is knowledgeable, skilled, and attentive as a lover, if he goes slowly, and if he genuinely cares for and loves you.
The other issue is making sex into a goal oriented practice, i.e., it’s all about getting to orgasm. Ironically, if you both drop the goal of getting to orgasm, you will have lots more of them. Instead, replace the goal of getting to orgasm with the purpose of joining in sublime ecstatic union. Focus on giving and receiving pleasure. Be fully present in each moment, paying complete attention to each touch, each breath, each contact with the eyes. Let orgasm take care of itself.
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How should I prepare for first time masturbating?
ANSWER
Masturbation Ceremony for Women
If you haven’t already done so, take yourself on the Looking At Yourself through the Eyes of a Lover tour. Arrange a loving space for yourself—soft lighting, comfortable pillows, sensuous music, aromatic scents, and beautiful objects. Make sure you will not be disturbed for at least an hour. This is very important because getting out of your mind and into your body is a key to opening up to full sexual pleasure. If you are worried about being interrupted you won’t be able to let go into your play.
Approach your loving from the outside in—start with delicate strokes of your arms, face, neck, and thighs. Use your fingertips, a feather, and a piece of silk to lightly tantalize your tender skin. If it helps to arouse you, begin your self-loving with an erotic fantasy. But once you are turned on, let the fantasy go and focus on what is happening in your body. Remember, to fly free in sexual bliss you need to leave your “daily mind” behind.
Begin to massage your breasts, try a light touch with large circles—counterclockwise then clockwise and gradually increase the pressure. Move slowly in toward your nipples. Experiment with tweaking them, pulling them, gentling circling them until they are stiff and tingling. You may feel a direct line of heat from your breasts down to your genitals.
Trail one hand down across the flesh of your belly, reveling in the softness of your skin, its warmth and sensitivity. Feel your pulse racing beneath its surface. Flutter your hand
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I want to squirt but only ooze. Is there anything I can do?
ANSWER
One possibility is that you are ejaculating too frequently for your body to recover fully and prepare for the next one. Experiment with delaying ejaculation for several days, perhaps even a week, to see if this changes things for you. Typically, fewer ejaculations results in more forceful (i.e., squirting) ejaculations.
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I have just recently given birth and I feel very insecure about my body our sex life has just vanished. We used to enjoy our lovemaking but now we just don’t really seem to be as in touch with sex as we used to be. Can you give me some advice about how to spice things up? I want to feel sexy and loved in the bedroom .
ANSWER
It's very common for sex lives to undergo dramatic changes for a while after a new baby arrives. There are a lot of factors affecting you, among them: lack of sleep, hormonal changes (affecting you physically and emotionally), and focusing loving attention on your baby.
If you want to keep passion alive in your relationship you need to schedule time for each other. Once a week arrange a "date" with your partner, and arrange for someone else to care for the baby for several hours. Try to come to this session as rested as possible. Think quality of sex, not quantity. One good lovemaking session a week will keep you looking forward to more and it will make you more inclined to participate in quickies when you have the chance.
Also arrange to have a little time for yourself, for pampering — bubble baths, meditation time, facials, and so on will help you relax and feel better about yourself. Wear sensuous clothes. Put lotion on your body with care and love. Remember that men are very turned on by how turned on their partner is, so instead of worrying about how you look, focus on how much you love him and want to be close to him.
Talk to each other about your feelings and your desires. Sexy, playful talk can keep things spicy, even if you don't have lots of time for action.
Keeping the sexual fires going can be a big challenge at first, but it's well worth the effort.
Our article: Freeing the Female Orgasm has some info that may help you and your partner
Consider also our ebook Awakening Women's Orgasm
You might also want to check out this book:
Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I Found My Lost Libido by Heather Raykeil
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