I’ve been in a 3 and a half year relationship and I cannot orgasm! It’s so damn frustrating cause my boyfriend feels like he’s not satisfying me enough or that he sucks in bed but that’s not true; he’s amazing. We have tried all types of positions and lubricants and toys. Nothing makes the magic happen.
ANSWER
You are trying too hard and have become goal oriented in your lovemaking, a common trap many lovers fall into. The goal orientation to lovemaking means you are trying to get to orgasm. Some couples make it that they try to get to orgasm at the same instant so they come together. This is understandable, but most unfortunate as there can be many complications for both men and women if they take this approach, e.g., many women find they cannot orgasm at all while many men begin to suffer from erectile dysfunction (inability to get and keep an erection), and premature ejaculation (quick ejaculations before they or their partner are ready for it).
The solution to this is to reframe your lovemaking so that it become all about pleasure in the immediate moment. The only thing you are doing is giving and receiving pleasure. Open fully to experience the extraordinary pleasure you can receive through your 5 senses of taste, touch, hear, see and smell. In this approach there is no goal, nowhere to get to, no desired outcome (for example, you are not trying to get to orgasm). You stop trying to get to orgasm and let orgasm take care of itself, which it will do. Orgasm will then become a natural organic response that any healthy body has once your arousal and pleasure threshold is reached.
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Diving Into Ecstasy
Introduction to Tantric Sex for Singles and Couples
Be sure to check out our Caribbean Cruise too!
February 11-19, 2008 from Ft. Lauderdale to St. Maarten, St. Kitts, and St. Lucia, for Singles and Couples
The Basics
This workshop covers the basic keys and special techniques of Tantra spiritual sex. You'll learn the principles of sacred sex plus practical exercises for:
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"Massage"
Massage is one of the easiest and surest ways to disconnect from the many demands of a busy life and to connect with your lover. You can give your lover a full-body massage in under 7 minutes. This will get you both out of your heads and into your bodies. Ecstasy in lovemaking is not essentially a mental process; rather it requires that you pay attention to sensory information (sight, taste, touch, smell and kinesthetic sensations), any or all of which will get you into your body, fully present in the now moment.
Any time one of the lovers is keen for lovemaking, but the other is too tired, try giving your partner a full body massage. This will sometimes awaken your lover’s sexual energy so that he becomes aroused and able to participate in more active lovemaking. Be sure not to use this offering of massage in a manipulative way, as a strategy for getting your partner to be interested in sex just because you are. Offer the massage as an unconditional gift, with no expectation of anything in return.
Excerpted from our Tantra and Kama Sutra Sex Positions eBook.
4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra
Al Link and Pala Copeland
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