November 4, 2008
Is it normal to go off sex?
My girlfriend gave birth to our daughter 20 months ago and after about 3 months we started having sex about 1 a week, then about 2 months ago she said she didn't want sex anymore and haven't really wanted it since our daughter was born. Is it normal to go off sex, and why? What are the main causes at such a long time after birth? My partner does enjoy sleep and is slightly overweight; is this a problem? I really hope you can help as I feel pushed out and it is making me paranoid.
ANSWER
There can be a number of reasons why your girlfriend is not interested in sex right now. Here are a few:
1. Physical/Hormonal: her hormones may be out of whack after pregnancy. She may be producing more prolactin and oxytocin (which are affectionate and bonding, but not sexual) and very little testosterone (which is the sex driver). This is quite common, but usually returns to pre-pregnancy levels within a year. I'd suggest she have this tested — ask her doctor. You might also try some natural libido enhancers. See our aphrodisiacs for women page for some suggestions.
2. Physical/Tired: Is she getting enough sleep? Lots of women don't get enough rest when looking after a new baby. Are there ways you can help to make sure she gets the sleep she needs. Is she getting any exercise? Exercise boosts testosterone.
3. Emotional: Sometimes women who become mothers become very tied to their babies and see themselves in a "mother" role. Issues of the morality about being a very sexual being while being a mother can come up. Try reassuring her about her sexiness, that it's a wonderful thing you enjoy, not demand. Let her know you'll do whatever you can to help her be the best she can as a mother and a lover. Make your loving advances very affectionate. Take time and care when approaching her for sex. You might consider our ebook Awakening Women's Orgasm for suggestions.
Anyway, rest assured you're not alone (although it may feel this way) and that with time, patience and understanding your partner in childrearing can again become your partner in joyous sex.
2. Physical/Tired: Is she getting enough sleep? Lots of women don't get enough rest when looking after a new baby. Are there ways you can help to make sure she gets the sleep she needs. Is she getting any exercise? Exercise boosts testosterone.
3. Emotional: Sometimes women who become mothers become very tied to their babies and see themselves in a "mother" role. Issues of the morality about being a very sexual being while being a mother can come up. Try reassuring her about her sexiness, that it's a wonderful thing you enjoy, not demand. Let her know you'll do whatever you can to help her be the best she can as a mother and a lover. Make your loving advances very affectionate. Take time and care when approaching her for sex. You might consider our ebook Awakening Women's Orgasm for suggestions.
Anyway, rest assured you're not alone (although it may feel this way) and that with time, patience and understanding your partner in childrearing can again become your partner in joyous sex.
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