I see a slippery challenge between wanting pleasure, that is, sexual energy delights for my partner and myself and the desire to channel it in a spiritual direction. The ultimate spiritual direction seems to be of service to others, creativity and unification. It seems as if tantric sex, although certainly less than “regular” goal oriented orgamic sex, is about egoic body pleasure. For even with “spiritual union” with your lover, the spiritualized sexual energy has no service component.

ANSWER

It is laudable for you to desire to be of service. It is also human to desire pleasure. There needn’t be any conflict between these two, or other desires. Any disconnect between them is entirely mental, not real in any substantial way.

Spiritual awakening is not separate from the living of your life and does not require any denial of the body, senses, or pleasure.

Your entire life is your spiritual practice, whether you like it or not. Nothing is forbidden and nothing is required. You are completely free to choose. Of course each choice has consequences, karma if you like, and some of that you will perceive as good, some as bad. In any case all karma must eventually be left behind.

The real challenge is not to resist all desire, rather, it is to be detached from the outcomes of your actions. Say yes to everything, then make your next choice. Spiritual practice is not prescribed and nothing is proscribed. I suggest that instead of searching endlessly for the “right” spiritual practice that you endeavor to make EVERY act an offering up to God/Godess in honor of your devotion to the divine and your supreme desire and intent to awaken to enlightenment.

Furthermore, there is no need to search far and wide for ways to be of service. Simply help whoever is near you who may be in need, and by the way, ask someone near you if you are in need.

On the other hand, there is no value whatsoever in addictions, whether to money, sex, power, success, prestige, acceptance, drugs or food. For all addictions, just say “know” and when you know, when you are aware, you simply turn your attention to something more worthy of it, e.g., being of service to others.

all good things,

Al Link

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Is it possible that any person can have sex continue one hour without any break? If yes, then how can he do it?

ANSWER

Yes, extended lovemaking for hours at a time is certainly possible, and definitely delightful for both partners.

To accomplish this the male must learn ejaculation and erection mastery.

First, about erection.

It is not healthy to try keeping an erection for longer than approximately one hour. You could probably extend that time to a maximum of two hours, but after that you are in danger of causing permanent damage to the delicate erectile tissues in the lingam (penis). For most males this is not an issue, but can be if you use drugs, such as Viagra, especially if you combine them with alcohol. There have been cases where a man could not make his erection go away for 4, 5 or even 6 hours. The result was that future erections were deformed, bent, misshapen, because the erectile tissues would no longer inflate properly. Once this damage is sustained, it is irreversible, not even surgery can correct it. We recommend that the man allow his erection to subside approximately every 45 minutes. This allows for an exchange of blood supply as the old erection subsides and a new one is attained.

Second, about ejaculation.

Of course, without ejaculation mastery, the issue of prolonged erection is irrelevant, because most men lose their erection almost immediately following the ejaculation. But once you have learned to successfully delay ejaculation, then it becomes possible for a man to retain an erection for a very long time, and then deliberately allowing that erection to subside becomes necessary.

You must learn to work consciously with your hot sexual energy. The first step is to start doing PC squeezing. Squeeze the genital muscles as if you were stopping the flow of urine midstream. Hold the squeeze for 5-8 seconds, then relax the squeeze for 2 seconds, repeat for approximately 100 repetitions per day. You do not need to do all 100 at one time, but over the course of the day. Use some regular task or occurrence to help you remember to do the squeezing, e.g., while standing in line, sitting in a meeting, working at a computer, etc.

We have a complete instruction manual in our eBook, Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Multiple Orgasms. If you systematically work through that course within a few weeks, or perhaps months you will gain the ability to maintain hard erections and delay your ejaculation response.

We also have two free articles on ejaculation mastery you may read.

Ejaculation Mastery
Voluntary Ejaculation

Learning ejaculation mastery takes patience. For most men, you would be looking at a minimum of 6 months and perhaps 2 years of continuous practice before you will be able to reliably separate orgasm from ejaculation, thus enabling you to have multiple orgasms without ejaculating.

Here are some other resources to help you learn ejaculation mastery.

Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia was the book I originally learned from.

The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia is another excellent guide. This later book by Mantak Chia is a bit more laid back. His earlier work Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy, was a very disciplined, martial arts approach. If you are only getting one of his books, I recommend Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy, as it is more detailed and complete.

all good things,

Al Link

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

I am so very curious about your work and I have to ask some questions since something I have never done but would love to do, is to explore my sexuality in a professional atmosphere.

You see I am an exhibitionist. Being an exhibitionist and flasher naturally my overall fetish is that of exposing myself, preferably for fully dressed women.

A real flasher, like me, is not looking for the physical contact at all. Exposing my penis, from a for the woman safe distance is what I want. The urge to expose myself like this is an inescapable and important part of my sexual identity i suppose.
My fetish can also be characterized as Clothed Female Naked Male or with its abbreviation, CFNM fetish. My CFNM fetish means the woman remain clothed while I am naked.

As you can understand, this tend to create a problem in relationships since my sexuality is not about intercourse. Since it just feels good having a woman look at “it”, i love to feel my observers eyes on it. All kinds of visible reaction excites me, except fear or obvious anxiety. Sometimes I get ridiculed but I like that too.

This is also what most people find the most difficult to understand and at the same time for me is the most difficult to explain since everybody seem thinks that sexual gratification has to involve intercourse. To be a flasher meant that I am an object of shock, involuntary or voluntary fascination, strange smiles, giggling, derisive or shocked laughter, disgust, ridicule or contempt, among hard to describe mixtures of various incongruous feelings. To be a flasher is to be addicted to a certain kind of sexual excitement not obtainable in any other way as you can see.

I do think however that a key to my mind is in the fact that however strange it may sound I also love to feel embarrassed standing on display in front of a woman. So naturally the most intriguing of all reactions is the one where she laugh or giggle at me. It is a difficult thing to explain. I have thought alot on it and I think that to me, being in love gives me the same feeling I get when I am embarrassed and blush. And I love being in love, and embarrassed.

I would very much love to explore my sexuality in a professional atmosphere since I have never done that. Perhaps I would come to understand myself a little bit better.

Am I perhaps a person that you think is appropriate for a sesion with you?

ANSWER

I don’t think there is a good match between your issue and our teaching. In our workshops we primarily work with couples who want to go the heights of what is possible for a man and woman uniting with sacred sexuality practices. This goes far beyond sexual intercourse, but certainly would include sexual intercourse.

It is not clear from your email whether you even consider your sexual orientation to flashing to be a problem that needs fixing. If you are comfortable with your sexual behaviors and just want to explore other sexual teaching, look for teachers who work with singles as well as couples.

If you want to change your sexual preferences and behaviors, then look for someone who perhaps works as a therapist, someone specializing in sexual fetishes.

We don’t do therapy, we just share with couples what other couples who have marvelously successful relationships actually do. This can be therapeutic, but the focus is not on the problems, but rather the solutions. When people change their behaviors, and start to do what other couples are doing that works, the problems just go away.

I can work with an individual person doing private coaching. Depending upon your location, this would almost certainly have to be over the phone. We are located near Pembroke, ON, CANADA. Coaching sessions are one hour per session and the fee is $115.00 per hour paid by credit card. I would be happy to talk with you in a coaching session and we could explore your situation in as much depth as you wish to go.

If you have questions about the coaching please call toll free. 1-800-684-5308

all good things,

Al Link

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

I want to increase my penis size at least 1 inch. Now my penis size is 4 inches when fully erect. What can I do?

ANSWER:

Concern over penis size is understandable but unfortunate. Even a three inch penis is sufficient for satisfying intercourse for a woman if you are knowledgeable and skilled in the art of love. There are very few penises smaller than that. My first recommendation is for you to read books and take workshops on how to be a master lover. You can start with ours.

Books by Al Link and Pala Copeland

eBooks by Al Link and Pala Copeland

You can access all of our content with an inexpensive Sexy Spiritual Relationships membership

Workshops by Al Link and Pala Copeland

The useful and proper questions are: 1. How can I improve my lovemaking knowledge and skill? 2. How can I find a match with someone so that my penis fits perfectly with her vagina? You don’t need to fix yourself, just find the right partner. When you fit together, size is not an issue at all.

Nevertheless, there are methods to increase penis length and thickness and I will point you in the direction of a book, a video and a penis pump for doing that. I definitely do not recommend any oral supplements for enlarging the penis. They do not work and they appeal only to the lazy man unwilling to do the long term exercises to get real results.

But first, maybe your lingam (Sanskrit for penis) is not really all that small. Many men believe their penis is too small when in fact it is well within the average size range of 4½ to 6 inches. Your penis always looks smaller to you than it does to others, especially if you look at it by simply glancing down with your eyes. Instead try looking at it in a mirror to get a more realistic impression. Better yet here is how you can measure your penis accurately.

How to measure your penis…WITHOUT CHEATING!

By Michael Alvear

The best book that I have seen for learning how to increase the size of your penis is Exercising the Penis by Aaron Kemmer. He includes lots of exercises to do.

Exercising the Penis: How to Make Your Most Prized Organ Bigger, Harder and Healthier (Hardcover)

by Aaron Kemmer (Author), Michelle Stonecipher (Editor), Venessa Longobardi (Editor)

Recommended Video

The best video I have seen to help you learn how to increase the size and virility of your lingam is TANTRIC YOGA & SEXUAL KUNG FU FOR MEN by Loren Johnson.

If you are serious about enlarging your penis, get both the book and the video and actually do the exercises! You can’t get bigger by reading only!

Ooh-la-la Penis Trainer

This is the best device for training the penis. Learn ejaculation mastery.

Created by Ronald Virag M.D., world-renowned urologist, winner of the American Urological Association’s John Lattimer and Société Europénne de Médecine Sexuelle awards.

Selection of Superior Quality Penis Pumps

Rolls Royce of Penis Pumps

Be clear on whether the problem is your own perception and feelings about your penis, or if this message is really coming from your partner.

There is no real evidence that penis size is the most critical factor in sexual satisfaction for a woman. In your question you include your desire to “make her attain orgasm fast.” This could be a big part of the problem rather than a solution to it.

Here are a few pointers.

1. Slow down. Slow wayyyyyyyyyyyyy dowwwwwwwwwwwwn!

2. Drop the performance goal of trying to get to orgasm and focus on giving and receiving pleasure over a period of hours rather than trying to conclude your lovemaking in a few minutes.

3. Make sure there is a deep emotional connection. Make sure she knows how much you care for, love and adore her. Make this actual and real, not pretend.

4. Take a very long lead up, or foreplay, before there is any attempt at penetration. How long? At least 20 minutes, preferably an hour or more.

5. Try to assist and encourage your partner to have a clitoral orgasm before there is any intercourse.

6. Learn techniques of ejaculation mastery, so you can delay your ejaculation over a period of hours, during which there can be several sessions of intercourse, rather than having intercourse be one time leading quickly to ejaculation.

Doing these things will ensure that her vagina is ready for penetration including activation of the g-spot as well as all of the many other super-sensitive orgasmic spots within the vaginal canal. She must be juicy and well lubricated before any attempt at penetration. This is one indication that the vagina is ready.

Deep penetration is not required for a woman to have massive orgasms with intercourse.

However, many women do appreciate full penetration all the way to the cervix at the very back or bottom of the vagina. If your partner is one of these, here are a couple of options to help please her in that way.

Penis Sleeves and French Ticklers

Add inches to length and girth, depending upon which item you select.

Another alternative, is to use a properly sized dildo or vibrator (operates by battery or electric motor), instead of or in addition to your penis.

There are a huge number and variety of dildo and vibrator products available. Here are some links to follow to select from among this abundance of options. In your case be sure to get just the right one to suit your partners desire. You may have to try several before you get exactly the best one (or several different ones).

Dildos

Vibrators

One of the very best vibrators is the Eroscillator.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

I came across your website by some unknown way but my question to you guys is that I am 19 years old and I have never had sex nor have I been in any relationship so far. But I have been in the habit of masturbation since I was 13 or 14 years old I guess. Some years ago I used to masturbate almost every day and sometimes it used to be 2 or 3 times a day. I remember that initially my masturbating sessions used to last very long even to the point when I had to force my mind for ejaculation. But now I ejaculate even when I do not want to. I ejaculate in a couple of minutes. So please advise me that is this really a problem that will affect my sex life with whatever woman I will settle with or is this just a phobia? If this is really a problem, is there any way to cure it?

ANSWER

In a very simple explanation, you have trained your body to ejaculate quickly over the years. You’ve discovered what gives you pleasure and brings you to the explosive climax of ejaculation easily. This is fine if all you are wanting is a quick release of sexual tension, or a fast way to get to climax, but as you are so wisely perceiving, it isn’t what you want to do when you are making love with a woman. Women generally take much longer to become highly arouse and to reach orgasm than men do, so it is important for a man to be able to take his time with a woman and not get to ejaculation before they’re both ready.

Fortunately, you can retrain your body to take longer as well, so that if you want to come quickly you can and if you want to last longer you can.

We have some excellent short articles that we’ve written about mastery your ejaculation response. They give you simple practices and techniques.

Here are links to 2 of them

1.”Ejaculation Mastery“

2. “Voluntary Ejaculation”

If you want more training and detailed information you’ll be interested in our ebook “Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Multiple Orgasms”

Follow up question:

I really appreciate that you took out time to reply to my question. What I understand from your reply is that it implies that I can actually retrain my mind and body for prolonged stimulation to my penis. I read the articles that you had posted and the question that occurred after reading them is that after dedicating sufficient amount of time to my retraining, will I ever be able to go back to the natural time that I had, before I started masturbation, so that I will never have to pay attention to my body and mind and make love endlessly? By that I mean that after retraining, my body will get used to the new habit of prolonged sessions of stimulation and a time will come after which I will no longer have to pay every detail during lovemaking like for example breath, arousal etc?

ANSWER

I could not predict your outcome. It all depends upon your disciplined effort to train and the level of mastery you are able to attain. But there is every reason to expect the basic answer to your question is yes, you will be able to gain sufficient mastery of the ejaculation response to be able to last in lovemaking as long as you and as long as your partner wants to last.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

I was wondering if you could explain how having a MFM or FMF threesome with my wife and another man or woman would empower my wife?

ANSWER:

Sorry, but we do not recommend such practices. We have nothing against them and make no moral judgments about them, but generally do not find them interesting. We only teach what we actually do. I could not with any confidence predict threesomes (any combination) would empower anyone; but different strokes for different folks. We are primarily working with couples who want to learn how to create love to last a lifetime together, and couples typically do that in long-term committed relationships (including fidelity). Our relationship model is heterosexual monogamy. There are many other Tantra teachers who do explore sexually open relationships, so keep looking and you are sure to find someone to advise you.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

A follow up question of the previous Q & A: “It makes quite uncomfortable for me“.

Thank you so much for getting back to me, and also thank you for the suggestions.

I have been doing kegel exercises for a while. I did them mainly to  keep my vagina “in shape”. Not sure if that is the truth or a myth, but I will have to try tipping my pelvis to help him find the “cul-de-sace”.

I get very distracted and have trouble relaxing for pure pleasure if I am worried about “limiting” his experience.

If I am riding him cowgirl and facing him, is it better if I lean more  down toward him or sit up a bit more?

ANSWER:

1. The “cul-de-sac” is very real, I know this from personal experience (yummy) and it’s been written about since the ancient love classic the Perfumed Garden.

You can find out more about it and many exercises to help discover this spot in Barbara Keesling’s book Super Sexual Orgasm. Here’s a link so you can check it out

2. Re: thoughts getting in your way, this is essentially part of the  learning experience — as you introduce new practices it takes a while to make them a natural part of your lovemaking — this will pass and you’ll be able to relax and enjoy everything. Just think of yourself as a student in the art of love, you don’t know how to do it all now and you don’t have to! Enjoy the learning process together.

3. Re: cowgirl facing forward, bending over toward him makes penetration more shallow, sitting up makes it deeper. But, by using your thighs and your vaginal muscles(a great workout) you can  determine the depth either way.  For a fun twist, try sitting astride him facing his feet, bend over and  play with his feet as you move up and down — he’ll love the view!

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Well, here is my problem. I am 34 years old and dated more than a few men.  Not a lot, but more than two or three. All of the guys were what I would consider average or a little better in the penis department. I have never considered myself a size queen, nor do I now, but I have always wanted to try a big cock just for the experience. Well, recently I got what I wanted and started dating a great guy who turns out is very endowed in cock size. The problem is that when we are having sex and he is thrusting into me, his cock beats against my cervix and makes it quite uncomfortable for me. We have great foreplay; kissing, touching, and oral pleasure. He is not rough and starts out very gentle actually. But when he gets worked up, he is giving it to me pretty good. I thought the vaginal canal expanded when in a state of arousal, but I am not sure. That is my first question. My second is are there positions that are more “cervix friendly”? I am thinking that “big” is not as good as all the girls make it out to be.

ANSWERS:

Here are some suggestions:

1. Woman on top positions give you control over depth, speed and angle of penetration.

2. Lying on your sides, either facing toward or away from each other, with your legs closed, cuts down the depth of penetration and range of thrusting, but he feels like he’s going deep because his penis is passing between your thighs.

3. Man on top positions, with your hips raised, open your vagina for deeper penetration. Depending on how aroused you are and what your size is compared to his, this can be great or feel like too much — if he still feels like he’s too big you can experiment with holding his penis in your hand as he slides in and out — protects you and gives him lots of coverage – be sure to lubricate your hands.

4. Practice doing kegel exercises also called PC squeezes — learning to work your vaginal muscles. You can become more flexible with these practices and if you get to the point where you can relax your body while tipping your pelvis forward and pushing down with your vaginal muscles at the back of the vagina, you’ll bring the cervix forward and open up the space behind where the cervix comes down into the vagina. This space is the “cul-de-sace” sometimes also called the “x-spot” and it feels very, very good when the head of his penis pushes here.

Have fun experimenting!

You might also want to check out our ebooks for more detailed information on positions and women’s orgasms.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

I am exhausted all the time, working and taking care of our 2 year old… I don’t care about sex. My husband is upset, what can I do? I have no desire and just want to go to bed.at night and be left alone… Causing problems in our relationship… many of my friends feel the same way, they don’t care about sex. Too tired after having a baby, especially first three years after having a child, just wiped out , but we all talk about how our husbands are upset, because we aren’t interested. What can we do to find time and not feel so exhausted and feel like we want to be with our husbands?

ANSWER

Your situation is not unique. Caring for a young child is absolutely demanding, typically leaving the mother spent, exhausted, stressed out, and with little or no interest in sex.

Here are few suggestions.

1. Think heart-open intimacy, not sex. Find time each day to simply hold each other tenderly, speaking words of endearment, with no expectation of sex, i.e., sexual intercourse at all.
2. Make arrangements with friends or family to care for your child for several hours, or better yet, overnight, to give the two of you some time alone without the child. This will not harm the child, on the contrary it will good for her/him.
3. Share the housekeeping duties, e.g., laundry, shopping, cooking, clean up, etc., preferably with your husband taking the lion’s share or at least half of these duties.
4. Get your husband to give you a foot massage with warm soapy water, some perfumed foot lotion, and a pedicure.
5. Get your husband to give you a full body massage. A full body massage can be done in under 10 minutes, or can take an hour or more. This should be once per week minimum, but preferably more frequently.
6. If there is getting up at night to care for the child, share those times approximately 50/50.
7. You should take a stress cocktail of vitamins daily, including 500 mg non-flush niacin, B-complex 100, 5000 mg Vit. D3, 1000 mg Vit. C, and 300 mg Vit. B1. Also have your physician keep track of your iron and take a supplement if you are low.
8. Don’t wait until you feel like making love. Set a time to be lovers. Put it in your planners and allow nothing to interfere with that commitment, except emergencies. Then start the actions of lovers: kissing, fondling, touching, speaking words of endearment, massage, slow dancing, bathing together, washing each other’s hair, etc. Usually the feelings of arousal come from the behaviors, but if you wait until you feel turned on you may never make love again. Allow the behaviors to lead the feelings rather than waiting for the feelings to motivate the behaviors.
9. Re-confirm your commitment to each other and your love.
10. Discuss how important the relationship is compared with all the other things in your life, including children and work. Consider making your relationship the most important thing. This will not mean the child is neglected, only that your relationship will not be.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

I have been having strange feelings for me lately. I want to be with a man and be his slave sexually. I have never had a serious relationship with a man. But now I find myself wanting a man to take control of me sexually. Am I losing my mind or is this a somewhat normal thing. I am 65 yrs. old and a widower for 9 years. I would appreciate any words of wisdom or advice you can provide me with.

ANSWER

It is uncommon for a man to have these realizations at the age of 65, but so what? Your sexual preferences are what they are. The medical establishment in North America has long since stopped insisting that homosexuality is an illness. Now it is widely perceived as just another sexual orientation. There is still some social stigma attached, but at this time in your life, do you really want to make important life decisions based upon what other people might think? On the other hand, be cautious in selecting sexual partners, especially if you go to bars to do that, and doubly especially careful if you are seeking rough sex. You can meet up with some nasty people when it comes to homosexual rough sex.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com