A follow up question of the previous Q & A: “It makes quite uncomfortable for me“.

Thank you so much for getting back to me, and also thank you for the suggestions.

I have been doing kegel exercises for a while. I did them mainly to  keep my vagina “in shape”. Not sure if that is the truth or a myth, but I will have to try tipping my pelvis to help him find the “cul-de-sace”.

I get very distracted and have trouble relaxing for pure pleasure if I am worried about “limiting” his experience.

If I am riding him cowgirl and facing him, is it better if I lean more  down toward him or sit up a bit more?

ANSWER:

1. The “cul-de-sac” is very real, I know this from personal experience (yummy) and it’s been written about since the ancient love classic the Perfumed Garden.

You can find out more about it and many exercises to help discover this spot in Barbara Keesling’s book Super Sexual Orgasm. Here’s a link so you can check it out

2. Re: thoughts getting in your way, this is essentially part of the  learning experience — as you introduce new practices it takes a while to make them a natural part of your lovemaking — this will pass and you’ll be able to relax and enjoy everything. Just think of yourself as a student in the art of love, you don’t know how to do it all now and you don’t have to! Enjoy the learning process together.

3. Re: cowgirl facing forward, bending over toward him makes penetration more shallow, sitting up makes it deeper. But, by using your thighs and your vaginal muscles(a great workout) you can  determine the depth either way.  For a fun twist, try sitting astride him facing his feet, bend over and  play with his feet as you move up and down — he’ll love the view!

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Well, here is my problem. I am 34 years old and dated more than a few men.  Not a lot, but more than two or three. All of the guys were what I would consider average or a little better in the penis department. I have never considered myself a size queen, nor do I now, but I have always wanted to try a big cock just for the experience. Well, recently I got what I wanted and started dating a great guy who turns out is very endowed in cock size. The problem is that when we are having sex and he is thrusting into me, his cock beats against my cervix and makes it quite uncomfortable for me. We have great foreplay; kissing, touching, and oral pleasure. He is not rough and starts out very gentle actually. But when he gets worked up, he is giving it to me pretty good. I thought the vaginal canal expanded when in a state of arousal, but I am not sure. That is my first question. My second is are there positions that are more “cervix friendly”? I am thinking that “big” is not as good as all the girls make it out to be.

ANSWERS:

Here are some suggestions:

1. Woman on top positions give you control over depth, speed and angle of penetration.

2. Lying on your sides, either facing toward or away from each other, with your legs closed, cuts down the depth of penetration and range of thrusting, but he feels like he’s going deep because his penis is passing between your thighs.

3. Man on top positions, with your hips raised, open your vagina for deeper penetration. Depending on how aroused you are and what your size is compared to his, this can be great or feel like too much — if he still feels like he’s too big you can experiment with holding his penis in your hand as he slides in and out — protects you and gives him lots of coverage – be sure to lubricate your hands.

4. Practice doing kegel exercises also called PC squeezes — learning to work your vaginal muscles. You can become more flexible with these practices and if you get to the point where you can relax your body while tipping your pelvis forward and pushing down with your vaginal muscles at the back of the vagina, you’ll bring the cervix forward and open up the space behind where the cervix comes down into the vagina. This space is the “cul-de-sace” sometimes also called the “x-spot” and it feels very, very good when the head of his penis pushes here.

Have fun experimenting!

You might also want to check out our ebooks for more detailed information on positions and women’s orgasms.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

I am exhausted all the time, working and taking care of our 2 year old… I don’t care about sex. My husband is upset, what can I do? I have no desire and just want to go to bed.at night and be left alone… Causing problems in our relationship… many of my friends feel the same way, they don’t care about sex. Too tired after having a baby, especially first three years after having a child, just wiped out , but we all talk about how our husbands are upset, because we aren’t interested. What can we do to find time and not feel so exhausted and feel like we want to be with our husbands?

ANSWER

Your situation is not unique. Caring for a young child is absolutely demanding, typically leaving the mother spent, exhausted, stressed out, and with little or no interest in sex.

Here are few suggestions.

1. Think heart-open intimacy, not sex. Find time each day to simply hold each other tenderly, speaking words of endearment, with no expectation of sex, i.e., sexual intercourse at all.
2. Make arrangements with friends or family to care for your child for several hours, or better yet, overnight, to give the two of you some time alone without the child. This will not harm the child, on the contrary it will good for her/him.
3. Share the housekeeping duties, e.g., laundry, shopping, cooking, clean up, etc., preferably with your husband taking the lion’s share or at least half of these duties.
4. Get your husband to give you a foot massage with warm soapy water, some perfumed foot lotion, and a pedicure.
5. Get your husband to give you a full body massage. A full body massage can be done in under 10 minutes, or can take an hour or more. This should be once per week minimum, but preferably more frequently.
6. If there is getting up at night to care for the child, share those times approximately 50/50.
7. You should take a stress cocktail of vitamins daily, including 500 mg non-flush niacin, B-complex 100, 5000 mg Vit. D3, 1000 mg Vit. C, and 300 mg Vit. B1. Also have your physician keep track of your iron and take a supplement if you are low.
8. Don’t wait until you feel like making love. Set a time to be lovers. Put it in your planners and allow nothing to interfere with that commitment, except emergencies. Then start the actions of lovers: kissing, fondling, touching, speaking words of endearment, massage, slow dancing, bathing together, washing each other’s hair, etc. Usually the feelings of arousal come from the behaviors, but if you wait until you feel turned on you may never make love again. Allow the behaviors to lead the feelings rather than waiting for the feelings to motivate the behaviors.
9. Re-confirm your commitment to each other and your love.
10. Discuss how important the relationship is compared with all the other things in your life, including children and work. Consider making your relationship the most important thing. This will not mean the child is neglected, only that your relationship will not be.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

I have been having strange feelings for me lately. I want to be with a man and be his slave sexually. I have never had a serious relationship with a man. But now I find myself wanting a man to take control of me sexually. Am I losing my mind or is this a somewhat normal thing. I am 65 yrs. old and a widower for 9 years. I would appreciate any words of wisdom or advice you can provide me with.

ANSWER

It is uncommon for a man to have these realizations at the age of 65, but so what? Your sexual preferences are what they are. The medical establishment in North America has long since stopped insisting that homosexuality is an illness. Now it is widely perceived as just another sexual orientation. There is still some social stigma attached, but at this time in your life, do you really want to make important life decisions based upon what other people might think? On the other hand, be cautious in selecting sexual partners, especially if you go to bars to do that, and doubly especially careful if you are seeking rough sex. You can meet up with some nasty people when it comes to homosexual rough sex.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Truly satisfying lovemaking on all levels, emotional and spiritual as well as physical, requires time. It’s about much more than intense intercourse or even foreplay. Harmony must be established between the lovers. And that means connecting through your hearts and minds before you jump each other’s bodies. Pala and Al tell you how—it’s simple, fun and truly satisfying.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Check Out Al and Pala’s book about relationship, sex, spirit, and satisfaction.

Asking your lover for what you want and giving your lover whatever has been requested are two sides of the same coin—a yin/yang balance of receiving/giving, and passive/active pleasure. Just as it is important to learn to freely ask for what pleases you, it is also important to know that you can give unconditionally. This playful practice “My Day — Your Day” helps you do just that.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Check Out Al and Pala’s book about relationship, sex, spirit, and satisfaction.

It may be difficult to ask for what you want in bed if you do not know what that is. Furthermore, you may not have any language to use to ask for what you want. Here are some simple exercises to help you discover what you like and do not like, and to create a common language that you can use to communicate with each other what those things are.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Check Out Al and Pala’s book about relationship, sex, spirit, and satisfaction.

How long should a man keep an erection? Is there such a thing as too long?  Find out.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com

Ejaculation Mastery eBook - Become a MultiOrgasmic Man

I just found out my boyfriend had cheated on my almost 6 months ago. With one of my so called friends. I don’t know the details but i want to try and move on everything has been great for us the last 6 months. How do i trust him with my body and heart again? How do i forgive?

ANSWER:

Betrayal (infidelity) is a tough pill to swallow. It hurts going down, that is for sure.

The most important thing to realize, is that forgiveness is actually for yourself as much as it is for the person being forgiven. When you truly forgive, it does not mean that you accept the behavior, nor does it mean that you forget what happened. Rather, the true essence of forgiveness is that the event will no longer have any emotional hold over you, no sticky karma will be attached to it. And for the other person, it gives them a chance, based in kindness, to learn from their mistakes, correct inappropriate behaviors, and get on with living and loving.

Can you imagine, without forgiveness we would all be selfish monsters.

On the other hand, forgiveness does not mean you pretend it never happened. No. On the contrary, you sit down together and talk about the situation. You get clear with each other on what your understandings and expectations and agreements are regarding that situation. You come to a conscious agreement about what is and is not acceptable in the future. Such conversations powerfully influence the quality of your relationship, turning it into something wonderful, fulfilling and happy.

Also, you must take a close look at yourself. What role did you play in this situation unfolding? Don’t just blame it all on your boyfriend. Did you ever make it clear to him what was ok and not ok, or did you simply make assumptions about that privately in your own head? Have you been faithful, in your mind and heart, as well as in your behavior? Who is so free of wrongdoing that they could cast the first stone? Finding your part in this situation is also a key to unlocking your capacity for forgiving him.

All good things,

4freedoms@tantraloving.com

www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com

www.tantra-sex.com