My husband thinks he doesn’t satisfy me
March 14, 2010 by Al Link
Filed under Questions and Answers
I am a female age 34 and nothing ever comes out when I have an orgasm. Is this normal? Do I not let myself finish? My husband thinks he doesn’t satisfy me because nothing comes out when we are making love, or with a vibrator.
ANSWER
You are absolutely perfectly normal. And hey isn’t it wonderful that you are able to have orgasms?
First off, ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing, for women or for men. We equate them in our minds because they often happen very closely together–almost always for men unless they have learned ejaculation mastery, and sometimes for women.
Just as orgasm is something you as a woman learn to do, so is ejaculation. Here are some tips:
A woman’s ejaculate (a very clear, watery fluid) is manufactured in the para-urethral glands on the upper wall of the vagina, in the area we think of as the g-spot. In order for this fluid to develop make sure you drink lots of water, especially before you’re going to make love. Also you need to be very, very aroused, so that the tissues swell and the fluid develops. When you are very aroused, and the fluid is developing, you may have a feeling like you are going to pee, but don’t worry you won’t. Relax. To assist an ejaculation, push down with your abdominal muscles and with the walls of your vagina. You need to get strong vaginal muscles by doing exercises (you may know them as kegels). Also to help expel the ejaculate, tip your pelvis forward as you bear down. You may try stimulating your clitoris, anus, and the walls of your vagina as you push.
We are in the midst of producing a home study video on Female Ejaculation, it will be ready by the summer, check our www.tantra-sex.com site for news. Until then, you can get lots of great pointers about orgasm from our ebook Awakening Women’s Orgasm. Also there’s a great ebook for men, telling them how to separate orgasm from ejaculation so that they too can become multi-orgasmic. It’s at www.tantra-sex.com
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Have a question about something you don’t want to ask anyone else or feel you can’t? It doesn’t have to be an embarrassing question though. Maybe you just have a relationship issue that you need to bounce off someone else. We are here for you. We are happy to hear from you and will do our best to address your question in a timely fashion. 
It appears that your husband is expressing to you is a lack of confidence in his ability bring you to greater heights of sexual pleasure where you can experience female ejaculation.
On some level you may feel satisfied with your orgasms, but on another level, you wouldn’t be asking this question if that truly were the case.
The use of vibrators in my experience had proven to be more detrimental to my sexual pleasure in the long-term, because of the numbing effect that these toys have on the nerve endings inside the vagina. What ended up happening to me was that I needed increasingly more powerful tools to have the same effect.
Prior to my initiation into White Tiger Tantra, my teacher advised me to put the vibrating toys away for atleast 30 days, to bring back more sensitivity to my genital area, while he worked on undoing the damage and helping me release powerful full body orgasm. I haven’t touched a vibrator in 4 years.
“Nothing builds self-confidence like being sexually competent”-Steve Piccus, White Tiger Tantra.