I want to spend my whole life with him.
December 9, 2009 by Al Link
Filed under Questions and Answers
I’m 22 years old and I’m really into one of my dad’s friends who is three decades beyond me; that makes him 52. He’s never married though and he’s quite a peculiar person in a comical sense. His profession is programming computers but he does not make a really good living. He derives financial support from his older brother. I don’t care about his money! This is not the first time I had crushes on elderly men but I swear this time is different. I am truly grateful to know him since the day I was born. He could comprehend what my mind and emotions were going through during my painful growing years. I want to spend my whole life with him. A man like him is worth to die for. Please tell me is there any way I could give him a signal? I just can’t come clean and tell him straight to his face that I’m in love with him. My fear of rejection is the root. What if he still sees me as this thumb-sucking 3 year old girl he used to know instead as a full grown mature young woman?
ANSWER
This is one of those examples where you must act to support what you want to create, rather than act to stay within your emotional comfort zone. Act from love, not fear. Fear of rejection is a root alright, but it is a very bitter root and leads you nowhere, keeping you stuck where you do not want to be. Opening your heart to love, means acting to be emotionally vulnerable and transparent, i.e., letting someone you care deeply about knowing what is going on inside of you. Of course this opens you up to judgment and rejection, but also opens you up to creating the results that you choose to create. Letting him know that you are in love with him does not guarantee he will choose to pursue a relationship with you, as there certainly are many good reasons we could imagine why he would not want to be in a love relationship with you, not the least of which is his long standing friendship with your father. But keeping this a secret guarantees nothing will happen between you. So, step up to the plate and reveal your true feelings for him and let the chips fall where they may. If the worst happens and he cannot or will not respond in the way you want him to, then you will be free to heal, allowing your pain to dissipate over time, and making it possible for you to get on with creating a relationship with someone who will return your love.
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