Do you think this is his way of trying to get back with me?
November 9, 2009 by Al Link
Filed under Questions and Answers
It will be almost two years since I met this gentleman. He is two years younger than me. He is 60. We first started out talking on the phone, hours at a time, met and had at home dinners, and then started an intimate relationship which was good. We were open with what we wanted with making love, open to new ideas, read your sites and others for articles. Here is the problem. I was seeing him while he was still separated from his wife. She passed away 9 months ago, and since he has given me a cold shoulder. Not answering my phone messages, etc., even though prior to her death I was supportive to him and was there for him with all the problems surrounding family issues about her illness and where to place her while ill, etc. He made me feel like he just dropped me off the face of the earth. Probably had guilt feelings about seeing me while still married, etc., but I wasn’t the first woman he was seeing. He was separated from her for years. Just the last woman he was seeing before and after her passing so I took the brunt of the guilt. I suppose. Now, lately we started e-mailing each other. Small stuff and he started sending me stuff from your site again as well as other sites. He asks if I have learned anything,( wondering if I read any of it), not implying I am not good in bed because we did satisfy each other and we always talked about learning more so I took that remark as meaning did I learn more. Do you think this is his way of trying to get back with me? Why send me this stuff if that were not the case? Or am I drawing at straws. He seems like he may have low self esteem and a little shy as well.
ANSWER
Well, if he’s emailing you again and sending you information about lovemaking and relationships, it sounds to me like he is interested in continuing some kind of connection with you.
The only way you’ll know for sure is if you ask him. Let him know how you are feeling, that you’re uncertain about what’s going on now and how he feels about you. Let him know you are hurt. But, very importantly do this without blame or guilt. Use only "I" statements when you are talking about your response to what you perceive as his abandonment. For instance, NOT THIS WAY: When you didn’t return my calls, you hurt me, you made me feel like you completely dumped me THIS WAY: When you didn’t return my calls, I was hurt and felt abandoned.
Ask him if he will talk to you about what happened and why. Encourage him to open up to you, without demanding he do so and without going on and on about it.
It may be difficult to start this kind of dialogue, but if you do want an ongoing relationship you’ll need to get clearly past this so you can build from there. Open your heart honestly to him and encourage him to reciprocate.
Our Heart Talk ebook shows you how to have this kind of conversation in an effective, supportive and healing way.
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