Is there anything in the Kama Sutra that will help my boyfriend?

ANSWER

I assume you are saying he has difficulty ejaculating when he wants to.

 
Most men would give almost anything to be able to delay ejaculation and thus extend the lovemaking during intercourse for much longer periods of time. On the other hand, not being able to ejaculate when you want to can cause a man much frustration.

One connection that I am aware of is when a man has a long history of watching porn movies as his primary way of getting aroused, he may have difficulty getting aroused with a real woman. Gradually weaning himself away from watching porn and learning to be fully present with a real woman will begin the correction process.

There may also be psychological issues involving early sexual abuse.

There may be issues with you, a particular partner, e.g., if he is simply not turned on by you any longer.

There is also the very common problem of making it a goal to get to orgasm, which for most men means ejaculation, unless they have learned how to have an orgasm without ejaculating. And some women mistakenly assume the man must ejaculate to be fully satisfied, and she can unwittingly put a lot of pressure on the man to ejaculate proving that she was a really good lover to make him come. It would be much more interesting to drop the goal of getting to orgasm (for either the man or woman), and focus on being in the moment, giving and receiving pleasure, while making an emotional heart-open connection in love. Let the climax take care of itself, paying little attention to whether there are orgasms or not.

 
Whatever deeper issue may be involved, if any, almost certainly there is an inability of the man to be fully present with 100% of his attention during the lovemaking. For example, he may not be able to stop himself from thinking about other things, other times, anything not related to the real time lovemaking. If this is the case, almost any meditation practice which teaches him how to keep his mind calm, quiet and still will then solve the problem. In lovemaking it is essential to be in the body, aware of sensual information (the 5 senses), and to have a still mind. There is little or no thought in lovemaking; there is acute awareness, but not thought.

As for sexual techniques, a few tips to enable a man to come faster are these.

• Move faster.

• Breath faster.

• Engage in sexual intercourse position pairing opposite parts of the body, e.g., the woman’s back to the man’s front. These animal positions, such as intercourse from behind, tend to build excitement quickly.

• Some men also love it when the woman is on top moving rapidly up and down.

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