Our sex life isn’t so good

 
ANSWER

There is nothing wrong with or abnormal about your fantasies of your wife having sex with other men, including more than one man at a time. In fact this is one of the most common fantasies married men have. It is not as common for this to be the fantasy of wives, although it is probably not uncommon.

Quite aside from the issue you raise with ED, we generally encourage people to reveal their fantasies to their spouses. This requires you to become emotionally vulnerable and transparent with each other, in other words open your hearts to each other, something that surprisingly few married (or unmarried for that matter) people seem willing to do.

Considering your fear of talking to your wife about this, I recommend that part of the information you share with her is your fear and insecurity about mentioning this and your uncertainty about her possible reaction. Share this emotional information first and your fantasy second.

Erectile dysfunction (ED), the inability to get and/or maintain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse is a problem affecting large numbers of males around the world. There are so many possible causes, some physiological medical conditions, others psychological mental conditions.

I will point out a few websites that offer excellent in depth information for you to explore.

If you search Google for erectile dysfunction ED you get a large number of websites offering information about this condition.

Some that I would recommend as more reliable are these.

http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/men/reproductive/109.html

http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/impotence/

 
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/erectile-dysfunction/DS00162

http://www.medicinenet.com/impotence_ed/article.htm

 
http://www.urologychannel.com/erectiledysfunction/index.shtml

I won’t comment about the possible medical causes, but one of the most common psychological issues leading to ED is performance anxiety. Men want to be great lovers and this is quite natural. If you are going to be good at something, lovemaking is a wonderful thing to be great at. One of the big problems resulting from this desire to be a great lover is that you are liable to turn your lovemaking into a goal oriented project. The goal of course is to get to orgasm, but more than that, for both of you to get to orgasm at the same instant, to come together. This is a good thing to do, but making it a goal can be deadly. Two common problems result for men, one is ED and the other is premature ejaculation.

With Tantric and Taoist sacred lovemaking, there is no goal. There is a purpose, however and that purpose is union of the lovers and beyond that union with the divine. By removing the goal of getting to orgasm, both lovers learn to completely enjoy each other in what we call a “pleasure orientation” to lovemaking.

This primarily requires that you are both fully present in the lovemaking, and neither of you has in mind what comes next, in other words you don’t make your touching, cuddling, kissing, love talk, etc., into a means to an end, something only of value to get to the big "O" orgasm. Each touch, each eye contact, each kiss is complete and meaningful and full of pleasure in and of itself. You are not trying to get anywhere; there may or may not even be any sexual intercourse. In this way you remove all performance anxiety and it is quite likely, barring any medical complications, that you will find you are able to naturally become aroused and erect.

I suggest you consult your physician to have him rule out any medical conditions that may be causing your ED. He can treat any diagnosed problem. She might also recommend you try Viagra® or Cialis® two drugs that help men maintain firm erections.

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