Is this love?

ANSWER

When it comes to love, sex, commitment, relationship intimacy, marriage, etc. many are afraid. Virtually all adults have experienced a broken heart when a previous relationship has ended. When relationships end they often do so with intense hurt, disappointment, disillusionment, and feelings of being abandoned, deceived, abused, humiliated, etc. Not all relationships end this way, but it seems to be very common. In fact it is an exception that two people can move on to new relationships and still maintain an enduring friendship with the previous partner.

 
That being said, it is understandable that someone might be in an intermediate stage where they are not ready, really ready, for a new relationship. They may be feeling lonely and want some companionship, even sexual contact with a partner, but the idea of getting seriously committed again simply is not something they are ready to consider.

And people can be very confused about all this, for example if they get involved in what they assume is a casual relationship, but then the feelings become more intense for one or both of the partners, but they become afraid, insecure, unsure and confused about what they want and what they are truly ready for.

Allow for the possibility that one or both of you may be in this intermediate state, between relationships, and not quite ready to enter a new one.

If one of you wants to go further and deeper and faster, but the other one is not ready, it would be a mistake for the one that is ready to put any kind of pressure on the one who is not. What the one who is ready can do, is be vulnerably honest about their readiness, intentions, and feelings, but preferably not in a whiny, clinging, demanding, pushy, insecure sort of way.

Then allow time for the other partner to become ready. Allow time does not mean have no contact, but in the contact the emphasis is on having fun, getting to really know each other, sharing feelings as honestly as possible, but allowing the relationship to develop organically, rather than one constantly pushing and nagging the other to go further or faster than they are ready for.

It may also be, that eventually, one of you will simply have to move on to a new partner if the other one is not ready to advance in the intimacy level of the relationship.

One other point, it would also be a mistake for the one who wants to move faster and go deeper, to move on prematurely out of frustration, or out of trying to protect themselves from being hurt again. It is necessary to risk being hurt again if you are ever to find a fully satisfying relationship.

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