Here is the second of four parts excerpted from our book Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul, by Al Link and Pala Copeland, Llewellyn 2007, Part I The Four Freedoms, Chapter 2: The Second Freedom: Mind.

In this excerpt we explain how you can attract to you exactly the relationship you desire, and how to act to support creating and re-creating that relationship for a lifetime together.

Part II explains how to think about relationship.

How To Think About Relationship

The Discipline of Conscious Intention

Create a vision of the kind of relationship you want. This is an exercise of imagination. As you construct your vision identify and focus on the qualities of relationship rather than the characteristics of your partner.

• For instance, “I want a relationship that is full of laughter, honesty and sensuality”. Rather than “I want a partner who is funny, truthful and sexy.”
• Or “I want a relationship that is financially strong”. Rather than “I want a rich spouse.”

Qualities of relationship are much larger and more encompassing than either partner’s individual traits. It is not up to your partner to make it happen for you—you are both responsible for creating a well-balanced union.

When you do think about relationship, think about your vision. If your real relationship is not like your vision, if you have relationship difficulties (everyone does) compare those difficulties with your relationship vision and say to yourself, “I choose to have my relationship vision”. Always end your thinking about relationship with your relationship vision, not with your relationship problems. Then be sure all your actions support creating what you want rather than erecting obstacles to keep you from it.

When we suggest that you can think only about what you do want, it is important to understand that it is not helpful to deceive yourself about the state of your life. It is essential to be completely honest about what is going on in your life right now, including when that is not to your liking. When things are not going the way you want them to, thinking only about what you do want means that you:

1. compare your current situation with your vision of how you want it to be
2. consciously choose to have it the way you want it to be
3. end your thinking with the image of how you want it to be.

Creating and focusing on a relationship vision is a very powerful way to exercise your Mind Freedom, but remember you must also act. Saying yes to relationship by creating a relationship vision implies you will take responsibility to learn, to grow, to change, to act in spite of emotional discomfort. 

Relationship entered into with this conscious intention makes it a crucible for confronting all of your personal/spiritual growth quandaries. Your ‘stuff’ comes out so you can work with it and through it to heal and be free. Working through your issues is essential if you are to become fit for relationship and have the happiness you desire.

A mindset of laziness, a reluctance to make the effort to create love, perpetuates the sad cycle of failed relationship—falling in love with someone else, refusal to face inner work, failed relationship, and so on in an endless loop.

Continued in parts III and IV

NEXT POST-The Secret in relationship: couples can attract and create relationship happiness for a lifetime together – Part III

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