Steps:
1.Identify a contentious issue that repeatedly leads to unfriendly disagreements, disrespectful arguments, or violent fights. Work with only one issue at a time.

2.As objectively as you can, try to come to agreement on what the nature of the issue is, for example, what happens first (how things get started), then what happens next, such as “I do this, then you do that, then this happens….” Try to do this without blaming, or judging, or attacking each other about what usually happens. Try to avoid insisting one or the other is at fault and must change or else. In this step, you are objectively describing the process not getting caught up in the specifics of your issue.

3.Draw straws to see who will go first. The partner with the short straw leads, offering a change in attitude and, most importantly, a specific behavior change to kick-start the resolution process. Important: When you go first, you cannot require any reciprocal change from your partner. You are offering a change as a way to initiate a peace process.