I cannot ever orgasm with penetrative sex
December 26, 2007 by Al Link
Filed under Questions and Answers
I cannot ever orgasm with penetrative sex – in fact I can only orgasm through masturbation and with only one method! This is where my whole lower body including groin and legs – feet etc. all have to become rigid and tense up completely and I only use clitoral stimulation on myself. I can only orgasm this way and they are amazing hard orgasms! but I`d like to have something similar with a partner! I have never found actual penetration that fulfilling ( even though I love sex ) and even if I was to open my legs wide and masturbate I cannot climax as I NEED to be tensed up! Can you offer any advise? Is this a common problem? I just find no pleasure when my legs are spread and open – only if I use a clitoral stimulating vibrator – I never internally stimulate myself as it does nothing for me.
ANSWER
My first suggestion–relax, both mentally and physically. First of all, it’s great that you do have orgasms now–that’s a big step. I believe that most women can learn to have many types of orgasm, you only need two things–permission and time. By permission I mean allowing yourself and supporting yourself to open fully to your orgasmic potential. By time I mean taking the time, either on your own or with a partner, to become aroused enough to have many orgasms.
You have taught yourself to have orgasm by tightening your body–this is what many women, myself included, first learned also. However, you can learn to experience more. In my own experience I’ve gone from first having clitoral orgasm through masturbation, then to sometimes having clitoral orgasm with a partner, then to multiple clitoral orgasms with a partner, and then on to many types of internal vaginal orgasm, g-spot orgasm and full body orgasm etc. This took years of learning and practice–fortunately it’s fun practice! Many women I have worked with have learned to become multiply orgasmic as well. If you are indeed serious about learning to explore your orgasmic potential here are some suggestions. Once you’ve learned how to have more types of orgasm on your own you can show/tell/explain to a lover what to do.
1. Read our article "Freeing the Female Orgasm." It will give you some good tips.
2. Explore some of Betty Dodson’s teachings – she is probably the world’s leading authority on masturbation. She has been helping women (and men) learn about their sexuality since the 1970s.
Check out her amazing book: "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving"
She also has two very good videos that you will find helpful: "Selfloving" and "Celebrating Orgasm"
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