November 16, 2007

He doesn't want to have "nasty" sex anymore.

I was wondering about tantra and pregnancy. I am 40 years old and pregnant. Yes, I know I must be insane. Anyway, we have a very good sex life but I am very vain about my appearance. I am very fortunate as I have been blessed with good genes and am aging well. Basically, what I'm saying is " I have a fat gut and I do not feel attractive or sexy at all." I don't think pregnant is beautiful. My husband is taking a new attitude. He doesn't want to have "nasty" sex anymore. Straight missionary. It's like he doesn't want the mother of his child to be the sexual person she was before. Any suggestions or places for advice?

Answer:

Congratulations! Pregnancy is an amazing process and can be an extraordinarily happy and sensual time. I’ve had 4 myself and thoroughly enjoyed it, despite some of the physical discomfort –like morning sickness – that came with it.

Some comments:

About your appearance and your feelings about how you look. Endeavor to expand your definition of what is sexy. Rather than looking at your body with a critical eye, look instead at the curves and lines and shadows, feel the texture, the heat, the softness as a painter and sculptor would. Emulate fashionable European women who wear form fitting clothes during pregnancy and wrap wide bright scarves around their bellies to highlight them!

Enjoy this time—you are likely only to have it once, why waste it with thoughts of feeling unattractive. You can choose what to think about and how to think about what you are thinking about. It is not possible to prevent all negative thoughts from entering your mind, but you always have the choice of whether to attach your attention to them by thinking about them, or to let them go. Furthermore, if you choose to think about something, you can think about it in a positive rather than a negative way. When thoughts come in like “Oooh I’m fat” let them go with a big breath and replace them with “Oh my baby is growing so big and strong”. Your baby is completely tuned in to your emotions—they are energy running through your body, so It’s important to give that baby as much positive energy as possible.

Also at this time your body is manufacturing different hormones—they are what I call “nesting” hormones, slowing you down, turning you inside. They aren’t hormones that produce a lot of sexy feelings, so relax and pay attention to where you are now, not where you have been or where you will be later after the pregnancy.

As for sexual activity, if you are fairly fit and reasonably healthy, meaning there’s no danger for miscarriage, then regular sexual activity is very good for you and very good for your baby. Orgasms release lots of endorphins, makes you and baby happy. All kinds of sex is great—you can be wild as you want. You won’t hurt the baby or yourself. Of course as the baby gets bigger you will need to use positions that don’t place lots of weight on her, so then missionary is kind of hard and rear entry and woman on top are better.

Let your husband know that it is great for you to have really good sex and great for the baby too. One of the most important gifts you can give your child is to let her know that people can have a happy marriage that is passionate and sexy as well as companionable and stable.

4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra

Al Link and Pala Copeland

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