November 15, 2007

Heartbreak as Teacher – Heart Freedom (Part 8 of 8 )

"Heartbreak as Teacher"

In your quest for Heart Freedom, there is value in the pain of a broken heart. It gives you feedback to learn about changing and growing. Pain can be seen not simply as arbitrary suffering but as a teacher. Emotional discomfort and pain are inevitable parts of the human experience, but suffering is a dysfunctional over-reaction. It is a choice you make, albeit unknowingly, to extend and add to your pain. Ironically, suffering is usually brought on by behaviors designed to avoid feeling pain, behaviors that keep your heart locked tightly and lonely. If you wish to surpass suffering and instead use the pain of heartbreaks to grow into love, then dare to shift some of your misperceptions about affairs of the heart.

Change From “People fall in love and live happily ever after—their hearts once opened stay that way.”

Change To “We can create love for the rest of our lives, but we must re-open our hearts every time they close. We must feed our relationship by spending lovers’ time together. We must not take each other for granted.”

Transform “If you love me, you should know what I want.”

Into “Love requires a transparency of desire—I dare to risk making myself vulnerable by asking my lover for what I need and want.”

Alter “If you love me unconditionally, you’ll accept everything I do.”

Into “I can separate loving my partner from blindly accepting hurtful behaviors.”

Let go of “I’ll be saved and taken care of; our relationship is a remedy for my weakness, a deliverance from neediness, an escape from powerlessness.”

Keep “A relationship requires courage and daring. It is a supreme achievement, a heroic journey, a challenge that I can rise to, that can bring out the best in me.”

Excerpted from our new book Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul, by Al Link and Pala Copeland, Llewellyn, 2007

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