I want our relationship to become closer.

I have a good relationship with an attractive older woman. She is 19 years older than I am. We enjoy deep conversations. I want our relationship to become closer. I want sex with her and find it appropriate for us to have it. She has not said that she does not want sex in our relationship but she seems uncertain. She seems hesitant about our age difference. She has said that if we were closer in age things would be different. She said that she had sex for the first time in the same year I was born. She has not said that she would not enjoy sex together. How can I encourage her to think differently about age differences in regards to having sex or not? Might there be other reasons why she seems uncertain about sex?

Is it common despite age difference in a relationship for the man to want sex and find it appropriate and a woman to seem hesitant about sex in the relationship?

ANSWER

We personally know couples where the female is more than 10 years older than the male and they are happy couples.

The essence of a good relationship, one that will thrive for a lifetime together, is love, not sex. When two people love each other, they can make almost any arrangement work. If they do not love each other, virtually nothing will work in the longer run, over a period of years, even if the sex is sizzling at first.

After love, the next most important ingredient for successful relationships, is knowledge and skill of what couples who have a successful relationship actually do. The primary skill for relationship success is the courage, willingness, and ability to keep your heart open. An open heart means that you risk being emotionally transparent and vulnerable for each other; in other words you allow each other to see and know what is really going on inside of you, what you really feel, want, desire, and need, including your doubts, fears and insecurities. And, you learn the skills associated with giving and receiving love. Those skills include, how to be intimate, non-sexual touching, methods of communication, and of course knowledge and techniques for a mature, adult, spiritual sexuality such as one learns by studying Tantric and/or Taoist sacred sexuality. These are the things Pala and I teach couples how to do, through our published books, eBooks, DVDs, our Sexy Spiritual Relationships membership website, coaching and workshops.

4freedoms@tantraloving.com
www.sexyspiritualrelationships.com
www.tantra-sex.com

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